``I must give him his due. He has considerably cretinized me.'' Lautréamont

Pics click to enlarge.

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Schiavo Dies 13 Days After Tube Removed

Bad news for the Cable networks and the shut-ins who watch, except for retrospectives now for shut-ins with memory disorders

PINELLAS PARK, Fla. - Terri Schiavo, the severely brain-damaged woman whose final years tethered to a feeding tube sparked a bitter feud over her fate that divided a family and a nation, died Thursday.

Car May Have Sparked Fatal Texas Blast

explosion-free moment picked

A moment of silence was observed at BP plants worldwide at 1:20 p.m. Wednesday and at a hospital where five workers remain in intensive care, BP spokesman Bill Stephens said.

1 Killed in Blast at S.C. Duct-Tape Plant

unapproved boiler repair method suspected

It appeared the employee, whose identity was not released, was either on top of or near a boiler when the explosion occurred, Anderson said.

North Carolina Remains Lottery Holdout

Furniture is one of the seven deadly sins

North Carolina is the largest of just 10 states without government-run gambling. But supporters say North Carolina can no longer afford to go without a lottery after years of decline in the traditional industries of tobacco, textiles and furniture.

Confused Cops Swarm Woman After Birth

everything is an emergency these days

KETTERING, Ohio - A woman rushing to a hospital to give birth hit a few stops along the way - first at a gas station where she delivered the baby herself, then when confused police ordered her out of the car at gunpoint.

Snow Triggers Avalanche in Colorado

the trailer-park menace

Jo Gudmonson was sitting on the couch in her mobile home seven miles west of Osage, Iowa, when she heard a "horrific roar." She said things started blowing past the windows as she sat petrified on the couch.

"It took my breath away," Gudmonson said.

Colo. Pushes Lynx Habitat Rule Changes

On the credence, in the empty room: no lynx, / Curio of vacuous sonority, extinct

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service declared the lynx a threatened species in the lower 48 states in 2000. It is considered endangered in Colorado, a more serious category.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Monks Comfort Schiavo's Parents

monk specialties

"If this is going down, I'm glad I'm here to make the statements and bear witness to what I call the gospel of life," said the balding, bespectacled O'Donnell, the leader of a 10-man order that usually serves the homeless and gives shelter to international torture victims. "I thank God for bringing me into this situation."

Ariz. Tribal College Balks at Funding Halt

you might try assimilating

PHOENIX - Five years ago, Arizona began sending $1.75 million a year to the Navajo Nation's college as part of a 10-year deal. Now, Republican lawmakers want to eliminate the transfer to Dine College to help ease the state's budget woes, a provision that American Indians say is just more unfair treatment of them by the government.

"I put that in the same category as the whole string of promises broken throughout the history of Native American people," said state Sen. Albert Hale, a former Navajo Nation president.

Colo. Gov. Faces Contraception Law Dilemma

weighing of Catholic interest groups

DENVER - Gov. Bill Owens, a Roman Catholic who campaigned for office on conservative values, could face a tough choice deciding whether to sign a bill requiring hospitals to tell rape victims about emergency contraception.

Supercomputer 'Jaguar' Making Headway

press releases are very important in supercomputing, producing a butterfly effect

Cray and the lab are hoping to "marry" the technologies of both systems into a next-generation machine, to be called "Rainier," that could deliver 250 teraflops, or 250 trillion calculations per second, in 2007.

Rev. Jackson Prays With Schiavo's Family

The first miracle is that Jackson made AP

PINELLAS PARK, Fla. - As Terri Schiavo entered her 12th full day without food or water, the Rev. Jesse Jackson prayed with her parents Tuesday and joined conservatives in calling for state lawmakers to order her feeding tube reinserted.

Plastinated Fetus Stolen From L.A. Museum

I don't care if it rains or freezes / As long as I have my plastic fetus

"We are deeply concerned and disappointed by the theft of this invaluable and irreplaceable specimen," Angelina Whalley, director of the Institute for Plastination, said in a statement.

Dinosaur Dung Display a Big Hit at Museum

falls from the sky

Frank Callahan, the past president of the Roxy Ann Gem & Mineral Society which owns and operates the Crater Rock Museum housing the fossilized feces, suggests it be labeled "coprolite."

Legally Blind Golfer Gets Hole-In-One

finds acorn

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa - A man who is legally blind has heard it before, so he was naturally skeptical when he was told he scored a hole-in-one while golfing at a local golf course. "They've said it before," said Joel Ludvicek, 78.

Falwell Critical As He Battles Pneumonia

Pope remains conscious

"His cardiac status is stable and there is no evidence of a heart attack," said hospital spokesman Tom Urtz, reading from a statement. "He is alert and responding to questions.

Joan Kennedy Hospitalized in Mass.

Space-time disruption deposits women in street

Details of exactly what happened and how she ended up in the street were unclear. There was no police report on the incident. Joan Kennedy, who divides her time between Cape Cod and a Boston condominium, has struggled with alcoholism.

First Lady to Meet With Afghan Women

Men are pigs

KABUL, Afghanistan - Laura Bush says she has been waiting a long time to tell the women of Afghanistan that American women stand with them.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Federal Appeals Court Grants Additional Review in Schiavo Case

The story does not die! put away those retrospectives, women are not tired of it yet.

Anita Fanshaw, 43, one of about 10 protesters outside Schiavo's hospice in Pinellas Park, Fla., praised the court's decision.

"God has a way of making things work," she said.

Poll: Most American Adults Sleep Poorly

In other words, the story is a press release.

The National Sleep Foundation is a nonprofit organization that lobbies Congress and state governments on public health and safety issues surrounding sleep disorders and deprivation, including drowsy driving and school start times. It receives its funding from the sleep products industry, pharmaceutical companies, other corporate sponsors, physicians, clinics and sleep centers.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Porn Star Allegedly Gives Nude Autographs

Concerned citizen on the record

"It's one thing to go up and sign autographs, and another thing to pose for pictures in the nude," he told the Salem News. "This is not like people signing baseball cards or something like that... This is just sort of pushing the envelope."

Father Says Schiavo Weak but Responding

Terri Shiavo blesses the faithful

The Rev. Paul O'Donnell, a Roman Catholic Franciscan monk and a spokesman for the Schindlers, said Schiavo smiled, raised her hands and made guttural sounds late Sunday while being visited by her father and a friend, who was talking about how she liked to go out dancing.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Bush Attends Easter Services in Texas

the feeding tube is : IN

Bush and his family were returning to the ranch later Sunday for Easter dinner. The menu included Texas grapefruit; homemade mozzarella salad; glazed ham; green chili cheese grits souffle; roasted asparagus with lemon dressing; chive biscuits; fresh fruit; coconut cake; and blueberry pie.

Palace: Monaco's Prince Rainier Conscious

The headline doesn't sound good either.

The prince's prognosis remains "very reserved," the palace said - apparently a notch less severe than the "extremely reserved" judgment given by doctors Saturday. Rainier's health remains "worrisome," it said.

Weak Pope Unable to Speak on Easter Sunday

The cross is the last thing to go

When Sodano finished reading the message, a priest announced that the Pope would give the crowd a special blessing. But all he could do was move his hand in the sign of the cross.

Mourners Fill Fla. Church to Remember Girl

many recovered already

The Rev. William LaVerle Coats, the Lunsfords' pastor at Faith Baptist Church, offered mourners hope that the community could recover.

Parents Keep Watch Over Dying Schiavo

sag in events filled

Outside the hospice, about 60 protesters maintained a subdued vigil and, like her parents, hoped for a miracle. Some said they believed it was not a coincidence that the woman would lay dying during the Easter weekend.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Reservation Life Grinds Down Indian Youths

On the bright side, they have a really deep and meaningful traditional funeral

The deaths, conspicuous in their senselessness, highlight the problems that American Indian teenagers have been quietly suffering in greater numbers than most adolescents: suicide, violence, depression and pregnancy.

Thousands Set to March Against New Kyrgyz Leader

what the hell kind of plural is that

BISHKEK, Kyrgyzstan (Reuters) - Several thousand Kyrgyz from the home region of ousted President Askar Akayev planned to march on the capital Saturday where the new leadership said it was firmly in control and asked for international help.

Sad Easter for Catholics as Pope Still Sidelined

March Madness

The Pope is expected to watch on television.

Pope Rests Up for Easter Celebration

silent film piano readied

"The Vatican hierarchy is experimenting with the possibility - never done before - of achieving a kind of governing (of the Church) by gesture and image," Corriere della Sera's longtime Vatican expert, Luigi Accattoli, wrote Saturday.

Easter Bunny Gets Pummeled by Boy at Mall

boy's word against the Easter Bunny's

Bay County Sheriff John E. Miller said the youth has been in trouble in the past.

Spring Allergies Hitting With a Vengeance

or attacked by electric eels

"It's similar to being struck by microscopic cannonballs" when pollen hits lining of the nose and sinuses.

Schiavo's Parents Say She Tried to Speak

taking a break from playing ``20 questions'' and ``I can guess your age''

PINELLAS PARK, Fla. - After a federal appeals court panel rebuffed them yet again, Terri Schiavo's parents made another desperate attempt to keep their brain-damaged daughter alive, telling a judge that she tried to say "I want to live" just minutes before her feeding tube was removed a week ago.

Report: TSA Misled Public on Flier Data

The real world is whatever is presented to the system.

"TSA officials made inaccurate statements regarding these transfers that undermined public trust in the agency," the report said. "These misstatements were apparently not meant to mischaracterize known facts. Instead, they were premised on an incomplete understanding of the underlying facts."

Man Charged in Girl's Abduction in Iowa

Jessica out, Jetseta in

Cedar Rapids police canceled an Amber Alert for Jetseta Marrie Gage after the body was found in a rundown mobile home in a rural area near the small town of Kalona, about 45 miles south of Cedar Rapids. A positive identification of the body had not been made.

Doctors: Prince Rainier Deteriorating

A lot of people hanging on at once this weekend, with AP coiled and ready to pounce.

Pope John Paul II, who is also ailing, sent a blessing Friday to Rainier, saying he was united with the prince "in thoughts and prayer" and that he was sending heartfelt wishes.

University Tries to Trace Indian Ancestry

turns out he's French

Ward Churchill could lose his job if a faculty committee concludes he lied about being an Indian to beef up his credentials as a scholar.

Memorial Service Planned for Fla. Girl

Florida-girl stories collide in Easter mixing-up. This could be bad for relating-to.

CRYSTAL RIVER, Fla. - Jessica Lunsford liked to ride her bike. She liked to practice cheerleading, too. The slain third-grader was remembered by her family at a private gathering Friday. A public memorial service was scheduled for Satuday.

Schiavo's Father Says She's in Last Hours

staff on call

Associated Press writers Mark Long and Mitch Stacy in Clearwater, Vickie Chachere and Jill Barton in Tampa, and Jackie Hallifax and Brendan Farrington in Tallahassee contributed to this report.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Indian Tribe to Bury Shooting Victims

when an indian burys you, you stay buried.

Tribal members involved in planning the services declined to describe the traditional funerals. Tribal elder Larry Stillday said the traditions practiced by the tribe can only be appreciated by seeing them - not by talking about it.

"The depth of it is way beyond a conversation with somebody," he said.

Woman Pelts Robbery Suspect With Bananas

``whom'' is the bananative case

Senger said the suspect, whom police said was intoxicated, was stunned from getting hit by the flying fruit.

Error Makes Money Machine Give $100 Bills

Surprising that nobody mentioned it

COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa - Customers who used the bill changing machine at Bluffs Run Casino found they had bigger payoffs than any gambling device in the place. That's because the machine was spitting out hundreds instead of twenties.

"It went on for about six hours," said the casino's finance director, Janae Sternberg. When the machine was shut down, it turned up $46,640 short.

Ex-Atlanta Hostage Receives $70K Reward

offering plate passed

"My life is testimony that God can use us even in the midst of tragedy and miracles do happen," she said.

Texas Woman Arrested in N.J. Standoff Hoax

wild card points if you're extradited

Ward told The Associated Press she was playing a telephone game called "bombing" in which people make bogus emergency calls and then see how many law enforcement officers respond.

Search Continues in Wendy's Finger Case

The old chicken bone trick

Employees at the Wendy's were checked and the fingertip didn't come from any of them, officials said, adding that the well-cooked finger may have come from a food processing plant that supplies the company.

Univ. of Colo. Balks at Firing Professor

ugly stereotype looms

Churchill said the finding on free speech was a vindication but called the other allegations a pretext for an attempt to fire him. He denied plagiarizing anyone and insisted he is part American Indian.

The university report said "there is serious doubt about his Indian identity."

Octopuses Observed Avoiding Predators

Octopus spam

In Australia, O. aculeatus was seen raising two arms above its head before lifting four more and moving backward on the two remaining arms. The researchers described it as looking like "a clump of algae tiptoeing away."

Schiavo Case Getting Notice on Good Friday

bread turns into the body of Terri this year

News Director Raymond Arroyo said the network's "extraordinary" programming switch was driven by the public outpouring of concern over both Schiavo's plight and the frail health of Pope John Paul II.

"You have a collusion of events that I think only the spiritually blind would ignore," Arroyo said. "It's not hard to see the similarities between the pope and what Terri Schiavo is going through, to some extent, and the sufferings of Christ that we commemorate Good Friday."

Schiavo's Awareness Is Point of Contention

Doctor awareness point of contention

"Although Terri did not demonstrate during our 90-minute visit compelling evidence of verbalization, conscious awareness or volitional behavior, yet the visitor has the distinct sense of the presence of a living human being who seems at some level to be aware of some things around her," Cheshire said in the affidavit.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Elderly Pa. Woman May Face Murder Charge

Senior snappage

"I have no idea what could have gotten into her. It's so incomprehensible to me," Braxmeyer said. "She must have snapped and why, we'll never know."

Columbia Head Addresses Academic Freedom

wallets snap shut

He said that while there should be reviews and accountability at universities for courses and classes to make sure the full range of a subject is taught, it's not for those outside the college community to do it.

"When there are lines to be drawn, we must and will be the ones to do it," he said. "Not outside actors. Not politicians, not pressure groups, not the media. Ours is and must remain a system of self-government."

Supreme Court Won't Hear Schiavo Case

``Above all don't let me fall into the clutches of my mother''

The high court's decision was the latest in a string of losses in state and federal courts for the Schindlers, who say their 41-year-old daughter faces an unjust and imminent death based on a decision by her husband to halt nourishment without proof of her consent.

U.S. to Start Tracking 'Greenhouse' Gases

charade rained on

David Hawkins, director of Natural Resources Defense Council's climate center, called the reporting registry a "charade that is intended to allow the government and the participants to portray that they are doing something about global warming, when they are not."

Panda Undergoes Artificial Insemination

expensive dinners futile

The female is receptive to the male only two or three days a year."

Woman Claims She Was Sprayed by Jet Fuel

Airplanes communicate by marking territory

Vicki Morris, 51, a real estate agent, said she was on her daily walk Monday night when the alleged incident occurred. She said she heard a whooshing sound, consistent with a plane flying overhead, and then felt a mist accompanied by a strong fuel odor.

6 Crewmembers of Navy Sub Disciplined

the undersea rock lobby

HAGATNA, Guam - Six crewmembers of an attack submarine that struck a mass of undersea rock in the western Pacific earlier this year have been disciplined, a Navy spokesman said Wednesday.

Tribe Sues National Science Foundation

happy hunting ground invaded

The lawsuit said tribal officials told Kitt Peak management personnel during meetings in 2003 the tribe opposed all further development because construction would take place at a spiritually and culturally significant site.

3 Tragedies Changing U.S. Appoach to Death

They're all pretty white women. Soap-opera women (``our audience'') relate to them.

First came Karen Ann Quinlan. Then there was Nancy Cruzan. Now there's Terri Schiavo.

Each time, a young woman was left in a horrible limbo between life and death following a personal disaster: the fateful mixing of alcohol and a tranquilizer; a car accident; a collapse at home and heart failure, possibly from an eating disorder.

Schiavo's Parents Appeal to Supreme Court

Maybe arrest her for something.

Refusing to give up, Gov. Jeb Bush sought court permission to take custody of Schiavo, who was on her fifth day without food or water.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Motive Sought in Minn. School Rampage

eating chocolate : not part of Indian heritage

At the Capitol in St. Paul, several hundred people attended a prayer ceremony for victims of the shooting where religious leaders joined Indians in drumming and chanting.

Tribe Puts Limits on Shooting Coverage

tom-tom sales plunge

RED LAKE, Minn. - Police in this Indian reservation town have imposed strict limits on journalists trying to cover the nation's deadliest school shooting since Columbine, even arresting two photographers who allegedly violated the rules.

Inmate Dies in Riot at Okla. Prison Gym

hockey game breaks out

CUSHING, Okla. - A gang-related melee broke out Tuesday in the gymnasium of a privately run prison, with inmates flailing away with softball bats and other weapons, authorities said. One inmate was killed and 13 others were hurt.

Schiavo Appeal to Reconnected Tube Denied

Easter stories merge, pope waves to crowd

By Tuesday afternoon, about 75 protesters gathered outside the hospice, virtually all of them upset with Whittemore's decision. They carried signs and shouted through bullhorns, and a Catholic Mass was celebrated. One woman was arrested for trespassing after trying to bring Schiavo a cup of water.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Judge Won't Order Schiavo Tube Reinsertion

and their brain-damaged supporters

TAMPA, Fla. - A federal judge on Tuesday refused to order the reinsertion of Terri Schiavo's feeding tube, denying an emergency request from the brain-damaged woman's parents.

Calif. Abduction Victim's Friend Testifies

Soap opera women reminded of old and wildly successful pretty-white-girl abduction story line

SANTA ANA, Calif. - The two friends were playing outside on a summer evening when a man pulled up, approached them with a story about a lost puppy and then whisked away 5-year-old Samantha Runnion.

It was the start of one of the most notorious crimes in recent Southern California history, an abduction and murder that prompted a massive outpouring of grief for a girl whose nude body was soon found in mountains 50 miles away.

Man Charged in Va. Slay of Pregnant Twin

America's royals

Marlene Starkey, the siblings' mother, said her son had been drinking when he arrived Sunday night at the home where Starkey, Bonaparte, her six children and Bonaparte's boyfriend live.

Women's Interest in College Sports Gauged

Women's swimming

Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass., said he was concerned it could narrow sports opportunities for women.

Faith Traditions Differ on Schiavo Ethics

Lawn dignity

"You cannot deny hydration or nutrition in a vegetative state," Athar said. "It's not a heroic measure."

10 Die in Minn. Student's Shooting Rampage

Media event possible

It was the nation's worst school shooting since the Columbine massacre in 1999 that killed 13 people.

Catholic Bishops Seek to End Executions

Proud member of every interest group

Gov. Mitch Daniels recently said he has mixed feelings about the death penalty.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Judge Won't Issue Decision on Schiavo Yet

Also an Australian band

During the hearing, David Gibbs, an attorney for the parents, said that forcing Terri Schiavo to die by starvation and dehydration would be "a mortal sin" under her Roman Catholic beliefs.

Historians Differ on Impact of Schiavo Law

The Monty Hall paradox

Others, however, say Congress has opened a door it will never be able to close.

Mobile Phones for Kids Raise Concerns

defective batteries

Since cell phones exploded in popularity in the late 1990s, most of those sold used digital technology.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Shark Bites Australian Snorkeler in Half

Bit in two, strictly speaking. Choice of reciprocals can be avoided by using logarithms.

The 26-year-old man was bitten in half by the six-meter (20-foot) animal and death seemed to be instantaneous," police Insp. George Putland said.

GOP Denies Having Motives in Schiavo Bill

Law accidently passed

"I hope we're not ... making this human tragedy a political issue," said Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz. "We've got plenty of other issues that are political in nature for us to fight about."

Tribesmen Revolt in Pakistan Town

traditional tribal gas fields

Tribesmen are demanding more returns from the natural gas extracted from their territory and resent the army's garrisons in the region.

Kyrgyz Police Storm Government Buildings

linotype honored

The officers fleeing from their station took shelter on its roof and fired shots in the air, said local civic activist Cholpon Ergesheva, in the latest conflict between an entrenched leader in a former Soviet state and pro-reform demonstrators angered by an allegedly fraudulent election.

Pope Misses Palm Sunday Services for First Time

L. infans, without speech

Looking gaunt and sitting, he waved an olive branch in the sign of the cross but did not speak.

The man once known as "The Great Communicator" remained silent. Looking uncomfortable, he banged a glass lectern with his fist in what appeared to be a sign of frustration and was wheeled away.

NYC Courthouses Seize Thousands of Weapons

Ritual exchange of salad forks impacted

More than 8,375 guns, 29,347 knives and 25,000 scissors and razor blades were confiscated by court officers during metal detector screenings, the New York Post reported for Sunday editions.

Congress Reaches Deal in Shiavo Case

Brain damage spreads even further

Guabe Garcia Jones, an attorney from Washington, said he's been on a hunger strike since the tube was pulled Friday, only drinking water for the roughly two days he has spent in a tent outside the hospice.

"I'm not going to eat until she can eat - or I break down," said Jones, 26.

Terri Schiavo suffered severe brain damage in 1990 when her heart stopped briefly because of a chemical imbalance. She can breathe on her own, but has relied on the feeding tube to keep her alive.

Japan Marks Sarin Attack 10th Anniversary

ceremony ad-libbed

Tatsuhide Nojiri, who was chief of one of the railway stations attacked, said he can't forget the horrors of that day.

"Even now I remember it so vividly. Frankly, I'd rather not talk about it," said Nojiri, who stood before a memorial plaque.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Explosion Rocks Colorado Mountain Lodge

hope they bought the indoor wiring warranty

A call to the lodge rang unanswered Saturday.

Bush Returning to Washington Over Schiavo

Lent fasting shortened

During previous travels, Bush has had legislation flown to him overnight by military plane for his signature. But in this case, McClellan said that the fact that a woman's life is at stake made it necessary for him to travel to the bill.

"Terri Schiavo's feeding tube has been removed and we stand with ... all those who are working to defend her life," he said.

Pope to Usher in Holy Week on Sidelines

Ailing Pope takes on dramatic role in Easter celebrations

"The Holy Father is hanging in there, hanging in there," Cardinal Giovanni Battista Re, an Italian who heads the Vatican's Congregation for Bishops, told reporters in the southern town of Campobasso.

Congress Announces Deal in Schiavo Case

Can Terri find soap-opera happiness and the good, soap-opera way of life

WASHINGTON - Congress leaders announced agreement Saturday on legislation they said would allow a severely brain-damaged woman to resume being fed while a federal court decides the right-to-die battle between her parents and her husband.

Experts: Peterson Has Psychopath Traits

murdering is another one

Experts say this absence of emotion is the hallmark of a psychopath.

Schiavo Spending First Full Day Off Tube

Amid soaring candle and bumper-magnet sales, women nationwide swoon over another pretty blonde woman in peril story to live with for two weeks plus retrospectives.

PINELLAS PARK, Fla. - Lying in her hospice bed with a crowd of protesters gathering outside, Terri Schiavo stopped receiving nourishment through a feeding tube that has kept her alive for more than a decade. Activists promised to keep a vigil for Schiavo, while congressional Republicans and her parents' lawyers promised to go on fighting for her life as she spent her first full day Saturday without food and water.

Wolves Hurt Woman at Ariz. Wildlife Park

a wolf time-out

Park spokeswoman Nadia Caillou could not say what prompted the attack or how it happened. Both wolves have been quarantined as the U.S. Department of Agriculture and Yavapai County authorities investigate the attack.

Caillou said it's extremely rare for wolves to attack people because their natural instinct is to run from humans.

Drought Could Parch Indian Reservation

white man killed the handout herds

Poverty on the reservation is complicating the matter, said Rebecca Kidder, a lawyer for the tribe.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Sheriff: Suspect Admits Killing Fla. Girl

Bad news. Interviews with the grieving family. Coverage of the trial. Soap opera orgies will blight everything. Women rule!

"I've got my man," Citrus County Sheriff Jeff Dawsy told a news conference.

Congress Expects Baseball to Make Changes

limit steroids to designated hitters

WASHINGTON - Far from satisfied after an 11-hour hearing about steroids, congressmen said Friday they will consider drawing up legislation to make changes to Major League Baseball's drug-testing policy if the sport fails to act on its own.

Atlanta Police Admit Errors After Shooting

snappage story

The police chief said authorities were looking into whether the birth of Nichols' baby boy three days earlier had added to his stress from being jailed and on trial in a case where conviction could bring a life sentence.

"He probably did snap," Pennington told AP. "He could have, after getting the deputy's gun, just walked out of the courthouse. He didn't do that."

Royal Wedding Ceremony to Be Shown on TV

like pro wrestling, it's fixed

LONDON - The blessing ceremony following the civil marriage of Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles will be shown live on television, the prince's office said Friday.

GOP Asks Brain-Damaged Woman to Testify

taking her away from her new receptionist job

WASHINGTON - Senate Republicans embroiled in the life-or-death legal battle over the severely brain-damaged Terri Schiavo invited the Florida woman to testify to Congress in a procedural move intended to keep her on life support.

Scientists: Road Salt May Harm Environment

native cars rust out, leaving hardier hondas

Scientists know that road salt can kill trees and that white pines are particularly sensitive. Sometimes, road salt puts such a strain on native species that hardier invasive plants and animals take over.

House Panel Seeks to Keep Schiavo Alive

Joke punchline : first base.

"This inquiry should give hope to Terri, her parents and friends and the millions of people throughout the world who are praying for her safety," House Speaker Dennis Hastert, Majority Leader Tom DeLay and Government Reform chairman Tom Davis said in a joint statement. "This fight is not over."

The Government Reform Committee is the same committee that forced Major League Baseball players and officials to testify Thursday about steroid use.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Kerry: Bush $2.6T Budget Plan Dishonest

unerring tin ear

WASHINGTON - President Bush's $2.6 trillion budget plan working its way through Congress is dishonest, irresponsible and violates the core values of average Americans, said Bush's former rival for the presidency, Sen. John Kerry.

Sex Offender Sought in Fla. Disappearance

The little Jessica story does not die! She must be blonde and blue-eyed. Women like that.

HOMOSASSA, Fla. - Detectives investigating the disappearance of a 9-year-old girl want to interview a registered sex offender who lived near her home before he left for Georgia without telling authorities.

Judge Sends Scott Peterson to Death Row

Mother-in-law advice

REDWOOD CITY, Calif. - Wearing a dark suit and shackled at the waist, Scott Peterson stared at his former mother-in-law without expression, chin up, as she told him he deserved to die "as soon as possible" for killing his pregnant wife, Laci.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

One Wis. Shooting Victim Hit Four Times

22 bullets randomly distributed over 11 people produces an average maximum of 4 1/2 bullets in the most-hit person, a triumph of probability theory

Authorities say Terry Ratzmann, 44, fired 22 bullets within a minute Saturday at the Living Church of God's service at the Sheraton hotel in Brookfield, killing seven people and wounding four. He then shot himself in the head.

Mo. Officials Tout New Dinosaur Exhibit

``The last roadside zoo still operating on US 24 with real raccoons''

KANSAS CITY, Mo. - Union Station officials are hoping a 65-foot, 140 million-year-old dinosaur will attract up to 100,000 more visitors a year and help pull the struggling Kansas City landmark out of the red.

Missing Girl's Father Confident She's Safe

Little Jessica Story Reappears! Women of America (``our audience'') swoon again

HOMOSASSA, Fla. - The father of missing 9-year-old Jessica Lunsford said Wednesday he is confident she will be found safe as investigators searched for a "person of interest" who was apparently acquainted with the girl.

Bush to Recommend Wolfowitz for World Bank

W on the Christmas card list

The administration began notifying other countries that Wolfowitz was the U.S. candidate to replace World Bank President James Wolfensohn, said the official, speaking on condition of anonymity because the announcement had not yet been made.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Judge Says Calif. Can't Ban Gay Marriage

There's always room for a Tom Swiftie

"For a single judge to rule there is no conceivable purpose for preserving marriage as one man and one woman is mind-boggling," said Liberty Counsel President Mathew Staver.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Study: School Leaders Poorly Educated

To unprepare, a new verb.

WASHINGTON - The principals and superintendents who run the nation's schools are unprepared for their jobs by education colleges, where training ranges from inadequate to appalling, according to research by a leader in higher education.

Texas Toddler Shot by 4-Year-Old Brother

Unarmed Texas toddler shot by 4-year-old brother

HOUSTON - A 2-year-old remained in critical condition Sunday after being shot by his 4-year-old brother, who may not have known the difference between a real and toy gun, police said.

Tom Daschle Joins Washington Law Firm

new wheat combines powered by burning sick indians

"I want to continue my involvement in the public policy issues that I care a great deal about. Those issues include energy, Native Americans, health care, international trade, agriculture and technology," he said Sunday in a telephone interview from his Washington home.

N.D. Officials Fighting Binge Drinking

Smoke'm peace pipe

Kelby Inmon, a counselor at the Native American Resource Center in Trenton, in the northwestern part of the state, said the alcoholism rate seems higher for American Indians in North Dakota.

The Use of Ethical Wills Re-Emerging

mocking wills will become popular shortly

"People often feel invincible until they see cataclysmic events like 9/11 or the tsunami and realize that no one knows what will happen tomorrow and they better leave something to tell people who they were," said Karen Russell, founder and executive director of the Los Angeles-based National Grief Support Services Inc.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Pope, Looking Alert, Leaves Hospital

A box and a horn like Clarabell had might work

ROME (Reuters) - Pope John Paul, looking fairly alert and waving to crowds of well-wishers, left hospital on Sunday and returned to the Vatican 18 days after he underwent throat surgery to relieve severe breathing problems.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Muslim Mistreatment Cited at U.S. Prison

guards abuse everybody.

The inspector general began one new investigation in the last half of 2004. It involves allegations that guards at another federal prison abused a Muslim inmate and allowed other inmates to assault him.

Priest Sentenced to Home Confinement

Make them stay in their room, not the whole home. Parents know that much.

CHICAGO - A Roman Catholic priest accused of skimming more than $77,000 from church collection plates and spaghetti dinner fund-raisers has been sentenced to six months of home confinement.

Pacific Center Sued Over Tsunami Warning

Each of the seven signs of the Apocalypse will get lawsuits

HONOLULU - Tsunami survivors and relatives of victims have sued the federal agency that operates the Pacific Tsunami Warning Center, alleging the center did not do enough to warn people about the disaster.

Atlanta Slayings Suspect Surrenders

Wait! A tie-in. The story is not dead yet.

The killings came less than two weeks after a Chicago federal judge's husband and mother were slain in their home, setting off a fresh round of worries about the safety of judges and others involved in the criminal justice system.

High Levels of Mercury Found in Vt. Birds

Nature's thermometers

BURLINGTON, Vt. - Scientists have found high levels of mercury in songbirds on Vermont mountaintops.

Indiana Reports Whooping Cough Comeback

Biodiversity and habitat conservation

INDIANAPOLIS - Whooping cough cases rose to their highest number in four decades in Indiana last year due largely to the highly contagious disease's spread among adolescents, health officials said.

Longer Living Pinches State Aid Programs

Insured children die more quickly

One uninsured child with a heart defect could cost $1 million a year, Bryant said.

Police Capture Atlanta Slayings Suspect

There goes that story, good only for a day

A black sports utility vehicle, escorted by multiple police cars with lights flashing and sirens on, left the complex at about 11:45 a.m. A crowd of people across the street began cheering as the motorcade passed.

Vatican: Pope's Speaking Ability Improves

Consonants are a real plus.

John Paul said a few words in a husky voice, including "va bene," Italian for "OK." As they left, he said "God bless you" in English.

Japan Town Will Pay Women Who Have 3rd Kid

World's second-oldest profession

To be eligible, the women must have lived in Yamatsuri town for more than a year, town hall spokesman Eiichi Takanobu said.

Vietnam Train Derailed; 11 Killed, 200 Injured

The domino effect

A nationwide broadcast of state-run Vietnam Television (VTV) showed two carriages that had been thrown off the track and left lying on the bank of a lake. Eight of the train's 13 carriages had been derailed, it said.

Bush to Name Adviser Hughes to State Post

African roots

The official said that Hughes, 48, will spearhead the administration's campaign to promote democracy in the Middle East.

U.S. Customs Agent Found Dead in Atlanta

Ominous-pregnancy failure

"We don't know if this is the same suspect," Fulton County Police deputy Chief G.D. Miles said. "Whoever is driving this pickup truck is a cop killer."

Internet Scheme Mastermind Gets 10 Years

ringleader still at large

SACRAMENTO, Calif. - The self-acknowledged mastermind behind an international scheme that bilked 15,000 investors of nearly $60 million was sentenced Friday to 10 years in federal prison.

Talks Collapse Between Colo. Prof, School

I suggest a professors' reservation for indians

DENVER - Settlement talks between the University of Colorado and the professor who compared some Sept. 11 victims to a notorious Nazi broke down Friday after a newspaper reported the teacher had once been accused of plagiarism.

Poll Bad News for Bush on Social Security

Major political food groups

WASHINGTON - As President Bush campaigns to change Social Security, he needs to win over independents, married women and Southerners

Rice Signals Iran Risks U.N. Sanctions

The water buffalo of prose composition

If that carrot does not work, the Europeans agreed to support use of the stick the United States has unsuccessfully sought before: U.N. sanctions.

Ky. Smokers Brace for Cigarette Tax Hike

Handwringers, hysterics and busybodies vs. gypsies and thieves

"This sends a very strong health message to Kentuckians about tobacco and its use," he said

Military Looks Into Guantanamo Accusations

Handwringers, hysterics, busybodies and gelders vs. gypsies, thieves and warriors

The CBS report said the colonel and the two lieutenant colonels are accused of committing adultery with a Navy nurse and a number of female civilian contractors.

Friday, March 11, 2005

UN: Indigenous Women Victims of Violence

Evils of firewater

As a two-week meeting on the world's progress toward gender equality neared an end, indigenous women described the double discrimination they are subjected to and the high level of violence it produces.

N.Y. Plans Exterminator-Training School

Rats eat cigarette butts

Plans for the Rodent Integrated Pest Control Academy were announced Thursday in a hearing before the City Council's health committee.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Pope Appears Twice at Window on Audience Day

Waving or making the sign of the cross? Nobody knows.

Undeterred, numerous well wishers arrived at Rome's Gemelli hospital during the morning and were rewarded when the Pope suddenly appeared at his 10th floor window, dressed in a purple gown, and waved firmly to the crowds below.

After less than a minute, he banged his hand down on the arm of his chair, indicating to aides he was seated too low to be seen by most of the people gathered in the hospital car park.

He was wheeled back and reappeared a short time later, seated higher in the chair. He remained in view for roughly two minutes, waving and making the sign of the cross.

British, Japan Climbers Killed in Fall

Fallers killed in climb

CHRISTCHURCH, New Zealand - A British and a Japanese climber and their local guide fell to their deaths Wednesday in an accident close to the summit of New Zealand's highest mountain, Mt. Cook, authorities said.

World Marks International Women's Day

Good day for a hair dresser's appointment

"Women in many settings are showing a new confidence and sense of entitlement. We are moving on and we will not be stopped," she said to loud applause.

Pa. Nurse Guilty of Cutting Feeding Tubes

Job action

PHILADELPHIA - A nurse was convicted Tuesday of cutting the feeding tubes of six patients at a city-owned nursing home after she'd been told her contract wouldn't be renewed with a medical personnel service.

Oldest Lowland Gorilla in Captivity Dies

Not screaming in horror like his passengers

Rudy died in his sleep Tuesday at the Erie Zoo, said zoo spokesman Scott Mitchell.

Toddler Survives for Two Days on Syrup

Toddler passes up milk and green vegetables

HOUSTON - A 2-year-old boy survived for up to two days on pancake syrup and onions after his caretaker died in their home, police said.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Senate GOP Gain Victory on Abortion Vote

A fetus who declares bankruptcy gets to start over

WASHINGTON - In the first abortion-related test of the new Congress, the Republican-controlled Senate turned back a Democratic effort Tuesday to bar violent protesters from using bankruptcy to avoid payment of court judgments.

Drugs to Quit Smoking Said Show Promise

A new profitable craving in the anti-craving market

Researchers hope that the drug will attach to nicotine receptors in the brain, preventing overpowering cravings from setting in when someone stops smoking.

If varenicline's claims hold up, the drug could generate more than $500 million a year in sales, said David Moskowitz, an analyst with Friedman, Billings, Ramsey & Co.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Study: Aspirin Prevents Strokes in Women

Added benefit for partners: less headache downtime

ORLANDO, Fla. - Middle-age women can cut their risk of strokes but not heart attacks by regularly taking low doses of aspirin, and the pills help prevent both problems in women 65 and older, a major study found.

Spotlight on Assisted Suicide in Conn.

Yet nobody raises questions about busybodies

"Why should we have a separate standard for old, ill or disabled people who want to die?" asked Stephen Drake of the Chicago-based Not Dead Yet. "We talk about the suicides of younger people as tragedies. Why should we be sanctioning the suicides of certain people?"

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Court Lifts Stay in Ohio Execution Case

Innocent man trapped in a guilty man's body but not for long.

Smith's attorneys have said that a CT scan revealed an abnormality, or some sort of damage, in a part of Smith's brain that can affect behavior.

Pope Readies for Another Window Appearance

Physical comedy is the new Catholic genre

John Paul made a surprise window appearance at the hospital a week ago, waving and giving the sign of the cross to cheering pilgrims gathered beneath his 10th-floor suite.

5 Killed As Train Derails in Pakistan

Column fillers, like bus plunges and ferry capsizings

Pakistan's railways are antiquated, and hundreds of people have been killed in train accidents in recent years. Accidents are often blamed on faulty equipment or human error.

Haitian Official Criticizes U.N. Actions

The pin-and-voodoo-doll removal boomerang effect

More than 400 people, including 34 police officers, have died in clashes since September, when police allegedly fired on Aristide protesters, killing two, and Aristide militants responded with attacks on police.

Knowledge Fades As Africa Languages Die

You could try rotating the crops

MAPUTO, Mozambique - A U.N. Conference on Trade and Development report on protecting traditional knowledge argues that beyond a devastating impact on culture, the death of a language wipes out centuries of know-how in preserving ecosystems - leading to grave consequences for biodiversity.

Wounded Italian Reporter Recalls Ordeal

Nobody stops at checkpoints in Italy

Sgrena said the driver began shouting that they were Italian, then "Nicola Calipari dove on top of me to protect me and immediately, and I mean immediately, I felt his last breath as he died on me."

Remains May Be of Oldest Walking Hominid

More evidence in the evolution of the missionary position

"Right now we can say this is the world's oldest bipedal (an animal walking on two feet) and what makes this significant is because what makes us human is walking upright," Latimer said. "This new discovery will give us a picture of how walking upright occurred."

Saturday, March 05, 2005

More Seek Help for Marijuana Addiction

The medical model

She added, "Being forced into treatment does not indicate you don't need it."

Northwest Fears Tinder-Dry Summer Season

A day seems like a natural unit

"Every day that goes by that we don't get snow, we just fall further behind," said Ted Day, a hydraulic engineer with the U.S. Bureau of Reclamation in Boise, Idaho,

Chimpanzee Attack Doesn't Surprise Experts

Chimpanzees taking flying lessons is another nightmare

"Male chimps are intensely territorial. They defend their territory against any perceived threat," said Craig Stanford, a professor at the University of Southern California who studies primate behavior. "Chimps can be violent at times just as humans can be."

Women Reaffirm U.N. Equality Blueprint

Broad consensus is nice

Charlotte Bunch, executive director of the Center for Women's Global Leadership, said the U.S. amendment was unnecessary, a distraction from the real issues, and "an effort to inject U.S. politics into a broad international consensus."

Missing Girl's Grandfather Admits Record

Women swoon nationwide at the latest turn in the little Jessica story

HOMOSASSA, Fla. - The grandfather of a missing 9-year-old girl has admitted to police that he was arrested a half-century ago for attempted rape and planning a kidnapping.

Reward May Aid Judge Kin Slayings Probe

``$50,000 judge kin slayings probe reward aid'' would be seven nouns in a row

CHICAGO - The FBI hopes a $50,000 reward offer will help raise the public's cooperation in the still-unsolved gunshot slayings of the husband and mother of a federal judge.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Rice Meets With S. Africa Foreign Minister

Not Africa's century

Democracy advcoates in Zimbabwe claimed Thursday that South African President Thabo Mbeki has betrayed them by endorsing an upcoming presidential election in spite of arrests of opposition politicians and laws that put the army in charge of polling stations.

Women Said Worse Off Now Than 10 Years Ago

The something-is-wrong-and-men-have-to-change-to-fix-it effect

UNITED NATIONS - Many women are worse off today than they were 10 years ago, women around the world say in a new report that accuses governments of failing to keep their pledge to achieve gender equality.

Delta Suspends Pilot for Being Drunk

The pilots' lounge

The pilot "has been removed from active service during the investigation," Delta spokesman John Kennedy said.

Fossett to Kick Back After Record Flight

The entire world had to stave off boredom

He also had to stave off boredom, saying there wasn't much to look at in the air.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Seattle Zoo Tries to Inseminate Elephant

Elephant porn

And because elephant semen can't be frozen, fresh semen for Chai had to be collected and flown in from a zoo elephant in Tulsa, Okla., and a donor in Los Angeles, a bull that works part-time in the film industry.

Former Professor Sentenced for Sex Assault

The professorial condom on cucumber focus

McIntosh, 52, a former Fulbright Fellow, was accused of giving the woman sodium pentobarbital and marijuana during a social encounter. The woman, a family friend, said she became ill and unable to resist McIntosh's sexual advances.

High Court Debates Commandments Displays

You can't see under the robe

A pivotal vote in the case is expected to be Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, who in recent years has been at the forefront in outlining constitutional tests based in part on a symbol's history and "ubiquity." She did not tip her hand Wednesday, if she had one.

SUV Crashes in Suspected Smuggling Attempt

Volkswagens no longer used

COLUMBUS, N.M. - A stolen sport utility vehicle with 13 people inside - allegedly involved in a smuggling attempt - rolled over near the U.S.-Mexican border while trying to avoid police, authorities said.

Fossett Presses Ahead Despite Fuel Problem

Still a candidate for Amelia Earhardtdom

Fossett and his flight crew agreed to keep the GlobalFlyer in the air rather than abandoning the record-setting attempt and setting down in Hawaii.

2,968 Gay Couples Wed in Ore. in 2004

Attack on traditional ``whom''

Last year, she put it on for good when she married the woman whom relatives had assumed was her roommate, cracking open the secret life the two had hidden for 46 years.

Byrd Denies Comparing Republicans to Nazis

I suggest trademarking Nazi, and Ku Klux Klan for that matter

Nonetheless, two Jewish groups and a pair of GOP politicians chastised the senator on Wednesday, including one who recalled the Byrd's Ku Klux Klan membership as a young man.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Commandments Debate Prompts Demonstrations

The seven lean years are the Chinese restaurant

The group quoted Bible verses they said suggested that the public praying by the other demonstrators was hypocritical.

Tenn. School Bus Driver Shot to Death

second-hand smoke death

Mitchell Kern, a neighbor who graduated from high school last year, said the student who was taken into custody had been kicked off the bus a couple of weeks ago for using smokeless tobacco.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

IQ Loss Linked to Mercury Deemed Costly

Mercury-exposed researchers

WASHINGTON - Lower IQ levels linked to mercury exposure in the womb costs the United States $8.7 billion a year in lost earnings potential, according to a study released Monday by researchers at a New York hospital.

Virginians Tackle Growing Obesity Problem

Suggestion: cannibalism

RICHMOND, Va. - Virginians will have an opportunity to speak out at planning meetings on the costly public health problem of obesity.

High Court Ends Death Penalty for Youths

You could have youths execute them, say as a ``Lord of the Flies'' cub scout project

"It is proper that we acknowledge the overwhelming weight of international opinion against the juvenile death penalty, resting in large part on the understanding that the instability and emotional imbalance of young people may often be a factor in the crime," he wrote.

Second Phase for Missing Fla. Girl Begins

Second phase of wall-to-wall news coverage begins on little Jessica story, attracting empathetic women nationwide (``our audience'').

HOMOSASSA, Fla. - The full-scale search for a missing 9-year-old girl ended its final day as law enforcement officers turned to child abduction experts for help.


Blog Archive