``I must give him his due. He has considerably cretinized me.'' Lautréamont

Pics click to enlarge.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

WWI Veteran, 103, Celebrates Memorial Day

traditional oldest coot story

Brown plans to ride in the parade Monday in Washington to represent the rest of the 4.7 million U.S. servicemen who took part in the Great War. He is one of the 30 who are still alive, according to an unofficial estimate by the Department of Veterans Affairs.

GI Reflects on Loss After 'Copter Crash

six-degrees-of-separation effect story

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. -- Maj. Paul Suskie faced a simple choice _ whether to take a helicopter flight out of a remote part of Afghanistan on April 3 or on the 6th. He took the earlier flight and the second one crashed, killing 18 people.

Crazy Horse Monument Fundraising Begins

lightning stick, they call it

One new feature this year: a laser light show cataloguing American Indian contributions to society.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Veteran Parents Having Mixed Emotions

stupidest story ever

A recent Pentagon poll indicated that parents who served in the military were divided almost 50/50 between those who would encourage their children to enlist and those who would advise against it.

Ga. Residents Relieved Crane Standoff Over


Lunch and dinner crowds packed restaurant patios that offered clear views of the crane.

Timing of Statue's Unveiling Upsets Vets

there's whiners everywhere

FORT EDWARD, N.Y. -- Maj. Robert Rogers, the frontiersman whose 18th century manual on guerrilla warfare has become a blueprint for Army Ranger fighting tactics, is getting what some consider a long-overdue honor: a statue in his memory. But some veterans believe unveiling the monument on Memorial Day is insensitive because Rogers was loyal to England during the Revolutionary War.

First-Ever Seattle Heat Warning Issued

you expect 3 new record highs and 3 new record lows every year, on the average. old records are no harder to break than new records.

The advisory covering the urban corridor from Tacoma north to Everett was prompted by a second day of record temperatures. Friday's high of 89 degrees at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport broke a 33-year-old record for the date. Thursday's high _ also 89 degrees _ broke a 58-year-old record.

Indigenous Groups Demand World Interest

star wars gay bar scene

The demands were adopted at the end of a two-week forum in a colorful scene in a cavernous U.N. chamber: the tribesmen from the Sahara mingled with the Buddhist monks who sat across from ethnic Quechua in conical hats draped with puffy pink and blue tassels.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Suspect Remains Atop Crane in Atlanta

bureaucratic policy screwup

The fire department had set up large air bags on the roof of the building being constructed below the crane.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

NYC Council OKs 'Potty Parity' Bill

simpler to just take out the mirror

NEW YORK -- Many new and renovated buildings in New York City will be required to have twice as many restrooms for women as men under "potty parity" legislation passed by the City Council.

Woman Pleads Guilty to Killing 2 Daughters

the soy defense

During Thursday's court session, Dorcy delivered a rambling statement that did not mention her children. "Unless you are a vegetarian, every time you eat meat you're a murderer," she said.

Crowds, Security May Cause Air Travel Woes

non-disaster disaster news con't

Takeoffs are now returning to pre-Sept. 11, 2001, levels, and millions of tickets have already been sold. Security-related delays are a concern, and so is one thing that no one controls: Mother Nature.

Three Missing Vt. Children Found Dead

whoa! missed this one, thinking idaho children were the child-in-peril story of the week

BARRE, Vt. -- The bodies of three children reported missing after they went into the woods to play were found Thursday morning, officials said.

Quake on L.A. Fault Would Be Calamity

non-disaster disaster news

LOS ANGELES -- A major earthquake on a little-known fault buried under downtown Los Angeles would cause the most catastrophic natural disaster in U.S. history, killing thousands of people and causing up to $250 billion in damage, scientists said Wednesday.

Ohio Teen Charged With Killing Brother

perhaps something in the field

The victim was to graduate from Summit Country Day School on June 5. He was home Tuesday because of Senior Week activities, when students do community service and explore career options, school officials said.

New ethics cloud over leading Republican DeLay

story fog

DeLay, the second-ranking Republican in the House, was not a defendant in the suit, which was filed against committee treasurer Bill Ceverha.

Cold, Wet, Windy Weather Hinders Tourism

high as an elephant's eye is Oklahoma

Glynn is worried about her pea plants.

"They all started coming up just before the rain started so the peas are up about 5 inches, but they're kind of stagnant because there's no sun whatsoever," she said.

"At the Fourth of July people want to serve their peas, that's the tradition here in New England _ certainly ours won't be ready."

Runaway Bride Indicted for Phony Story

if you're the national news soap opera story of the week, attention-seeking chickenshit bureaucrat reaction gets you in the end

"At some point you just can't lie to the police," said District Attorney Danny Porter.

More Vegetation Increases Forest Fire Risk

disaster news in absence of disasters

BOISE, Idaho -- Winter and spring rain patterns boosted the growth of grasses and low-lying vegetation _ setting the stage for a worse than normal fire season in the Southwest, Northern Rockies and Alaska, federal wildfire forecasters say.

Floods Devastate Colorado Trailer Park

tornado season coming

HESPERUS, Colo. -- A river in southwestern Colorado spilled over its banks Wednesday, sending fast-moving water into a trailer park and forcing families to scramble through thigh-deep water to protect their belongings.

Idaho Abduction Case Baffles Investigators

soap opera reporter marking time

COEUR D'ALENE, Idaho -- Sheriff Rocky Watson doesn't have anything to go on _ no suspects, no leads, no motive. But he has hope that a boy and his little sister will be found safe.

N.C. Officials Investigate Cross Burnings


Burning a cross without the permission of the property owner is a misdemeanor in North Carolina.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Seniors May Be Wary of Drug Subsidy

when in doubt, throw it out

Advocates for the elderly said they expect many of the 15 million recipients to be wary of the letter and application they'll get from the government, even though many of them could quality for essentially free medicine.

Momentum May Be Slowing for Indian Casinos

generation-skipping indian-giving

The Interior Department last week left open the possibility that it will approve the deal later, but said it would not do so unless it first rules that the off-reservation land can be taken into trust for gambling _ a process that could take years.

Students Grieve for Plane Crash Victims

loser family

For the Gross family, the plane crash is the latest in a string of heartbreaks: Gross' mother died of cancer nearly seven years ago, her grandfather is dying of cancer now, and her father is permanently disabled from a work-related accident. Two years ago, Gross' aunt was shot to death, and a year before that, a flood destroyed the Gross family home.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Lesbian Child Custody Cases Head to Court

fetish territory

"To the child, a parent is parent because that is the person who got up in the night and held them and put Band-Aids on their knees," said Deborah Wald, a San Francisco family law attorney with a large lesbian clientele.

Hackers Holding Computer Files 'Hostage'


WASHINGTON -- Computer users already anxious about viruses and identity theft have new reason to worry: Hackers have found a way to lock up the electronic documents on your computer and then demand $200 over the Internet to get them back.

Woman Arrested for Having Crowded Car

the seat-belt template safety vortex

The officer discovered a 15-year-old boy and a 10-year-old girl in the trunk, four children in the back seat, an adult in the front passenger seat with a child on her lap and Dunlap behind the wheel. No one was wearing a seat belt, she said.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

American Indians Protest Tribal Ouster

reservation wampum grab

TEMECULA, Calif. -- More than 100 American Indians ousted from their casino-owning tribes joined hands Saturday to protest what they called money grabs by tribal leaders through disenrollment.

Bush: Ideology Motivates Iraq Insurgents

also the Blackwood convention

The photos, published in British and American newspapers, prompted an angry U.S. military to launch an investigation; The Red Cross said the pictures may violate the Geneva Conventions.

Air Force Task Force Admits Omission

whitewash backlash

The day Morton spoke with the task force, 46 Democrats in Congress sent Dominguez a letter asking him to become personally involved in the investigation in order to avoid a whitewash.

NYC Abandons Plan to Ban Subway Photography

do not discuss bus schedules

NEW YORK -- A proposal to ban cameras in subways to prevent terrorism has been dropped by police and transit officials. The move comes a year after city transit officials came up with the idea to forbid photography, videotaping and filming in subway stations.

Coney Island Tourist Plane Crash Kills 4

The reason that aviation crash reports are always, always, always impossibly wrong is that _they're not even trying to get it right_. It puts off women readers if they get it right. Women don't know about wings stalling, but they know about engines stalling. ``Yes, that's happened to me.'' Women like to relate. If the reporter got it right, the editor would change it for the women.

Witnesses said the Cessna 172S was circling above the beach when the engine stalled, and the aircraft quickly plunged. The pilot tried to right the four-year-old plane after it went into a tailspin, said Herbert Lecler, 51, who was fishing on the beach.

Blaze Kills 9 at Cleveland Kids' Sleepover

Perfect soap opera interview, way to go WKYC-TV! The family is taking it hard, eh?

Sleepovers, can they happen here, and what can be done? Tune in at eleven.

"I just want somebody to pray for me and my family," Richard Carter told WKYC-TV. He said he lost his daughter and several grandchildren to the flames.

Bush Condemns S. Korea Stem Cell Advances

The weak what? You can _see_ an embryo as a person, in a way, but it also lacks a lot, like a social history and a social future. If the embryo is going to have a soul, it's in the way it fits in with the plans of the parents, not in the embryo. You're looking in the wrong place for a soul.

The bright side is that if Bush won't yield on a really stupid position like this, he won't yield on a good idea either, like the war on terror.

Bush began Friday at the National Catholic Prayer Breakfast where he reaffirmation his position on sensitive issues such as abortion and stem cell research. He urged people to "pray that America uses the gift of freedom to build a culture of life." And he recalled the legacy of the late Pope John Paul II, saying "The best way to honor this great champion of human freedom is to continue to build a culture of life where the strong protect the weak."

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Underground Gas Tank Blast in N.C. Kills 1

a warm up for tornado season

The explosion left a crater 5 to 6 feet deep and 15 to 20 feet across, and hurled chunks of asphalt and debris 100 to 200 yards, said Capt. Ronald Maybee with the Jacksonville Fire Department. He said the underground tank was decades old.

"I've never seen anything like it," Maybee said.

U.S. to Unveil Web Site on Sex Offenders

a web site on non-custodial parents would do better for missing children

The announcement by Attorney General Alberto Gonzales on Friday coincided with National Missing Children's Day.

Retired Carrier Sunk Off Atlantic Coast

three retired admirals on board

NEWPORT NEWS, Va. -- The retired aircraft carrier USS America is on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, sunk by the Navy in a series of explosive tests that upset some veterans.

New Suspect Charged in Ind. Girl's Slaying

soap opera ability to relate destroyed

The strange turn in the case surprised and frustrated Crothersville residents, who have raised money to build a playground in Katie's name and were waiting for closure.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Md. Governor Removes Appointee Over Slur

the Rio Grande is sometimes just a trickle

ANNAPOLIS, Md. -- Gov. Robert Ehrlich on Thursday removed the chairman of a judicial nominating committee who came under fire for using the term "wetbacks" in a Web log posting.

International Piano Competition Kicks Off

the child prodigy angle

FORT WORTH, Texas -- At 19, Joyce Yang has already won several national piano competitions in her native Korea, performed with orchestras across America and studied at Juilliard the past eight years. It's impressive, but as the youngest of 35 competitors in the Van Cliburn International Piano Competition, Yang knows she still has something to prove.

Slaughered Swans' Brood Begins Hatching

needy homeless have swan dinner

BREWSTER, N.Y. -- Three baby swans _ wait, make that four _ have pecked their way out of their eggs, two weeks after their nesting parents were slaughtered in a New York City park. Two remaining eggs were expected to hatch in a day or so, officials said Thursday at Green Chimneys farm, where needy animals are used in therapy for troubled children.

Ark. Bird Festival Revamped for Woodpecker

straightening teeth

Radomski said that she had Martjan Lammertink of Cornell University's Ornithology Department scheduled to speak, but nobody knew that he would be speaking on the university's role in researching the woodpecker's existence in Arkansas.

Possible Sighting of Missing Idaho Kids

take a few days off, and you're behind on the current week's abduction kids story

Also Friday, the children's father begged for the return of 9-year-old Dylan and 8-year-old Shasta.

Senate nears showdown on judges

nothing happening fill story

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - With time running out, a small group of lawmakers said on Thursday they were inching toward a deal to avert a historic Senate confrontation that could strip Democrats of their power to block President Bush's most conservative judicial nominees.

Hispanics Face Breast Cancer Barriers

Hispanics not yet open to soap opera news

ALBUQUERQUE -- In Hispanic culture, cancer is something people don't talk about, and that makes a diagnosis of breast cancer even tougher, says the head of a support network for Hispanic women with the cancer.

Group Urges More to Check Vascular Health

vascular surgeons put out, issue press release

BALTIMORE -- A doctor's group is hoping to persuade more Americans to check on the health of their arteries and veins. While most know heart disease is the leading cause of death among Americans, and many Americans regularly check their blood pressure, less attention is paid to vascular disease.

Internet Phones Given 911 Deadline

why giving women the vote was a bad idea

WASHINGTON -- Internet phone providers were ordered Thursday to begin supplying reliable 911 emergency call service after regulators heard an anguished Florida woman describe how she was unable to summon help to save her dying infant daughter.

NASA Begins Second Test on Space Shuttle

other NASA workers begin daily search for their misplaced eyeglasses, head to john with newspaper

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. -- NASA officials began a second fueling test Friday on space shuttle Discovery in an effort to understand why sensors and valves weren't working properly during a previous test.

U.S. Launches Weather-Tracking Satellite

SUV to collect information about Earth's surface not considered

The goal of NOAA-N is to collect information about the Earth's surface and atmosphere and build databases that can help in forecasting changes such as El Nino and La Nina, the ocean temperature phenomena that affect weather.

ER Closed After Patient Exposed to Powder

overreaction gene, stimulus produce roust

"These situations since 9/11 more often than not turn out to be a joke or the substance turns out to be something that is not dangerous," hospital spokeswoman Daphne Christensen said. "Everything is just a precautionary measure."

Monday, May 16, 2005

Harvard Reaches Out to Women Scientists

Women faculty send Harvard on pointless quest to test its love

"We're not going to change or lower any of the standards that exist here at Harvard," said Evelynn Hammonds, a professor of history of science and of African and African-American studies, who chaired the task force on women faculty.

Pregnant Girl Charged in Boyfriend's Death

tv remote

"The evidence suggests the victim and defendant were in a serious dating relationship, and early (Sunday) morning they became involved in an argument, and during that argument the defendant stabbed the victim," said Suffolk District Attorney spokesman David Procopio. "The cause of the argument is still under investigation."

White House Wants Retraction From Newsweek

the coveted Islamonutball readership demographic sought, soap opera women no longer paying the bills

NEW YORK -- In an apology to readers this week, Newsweek acknowledged errors in a story alleging U.S. interrogators at Guantanamo Bay desecrated the Quran. The accusations, which the magazine vowed to re-examine, spawned protests in Afghanistan that left 15 dead and scores injured.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Vacationer Charged With Disrupting Flight

rice wine to you but saki to me

Authorities said Tsunemi started yelling, swearing and pouring water on the seats and floors after finding the hair on the May 6 Northwest Airlines flight from Osaka, Japan, to Detroit.

He also threw things into the aisle, bumped a flight attendant and verbally abused someone who was trying to interpret for him, FBI Agent Edward Wray said in an affidavit.

Mexico's Fox revisits comment seen as racist

at the wage paid, but nobody will add that.

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Mexican President Vicente Fox's office said on Saturday his comments were misinterpreted as racist when he said that Mexican migrants do jobs in the United States "that not even blacks want to do."

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Government Pledges Action for D.C. Scare

-scare genre : overreaction followed by chickenshit

Sheaffer didn't take the most basic steps required of pilots before operating an aircraft, the Post reported, citing FAA records. He failed to check the weather report before leaving Smoketown, and he didn't check the FAA's "Notices to Airmen," which informs pilots of airspace restrictions.

Hundreds Mourn Girl Slain With Friend

soap opera women bait

WINTHROP HARBOR, Ill. -- Krystal Tobias loved to pick dandelions with friends and was excited to learn how to fish _ until she screamed at the sight of the worms, mourners recalled Saturday at the funeral for the second-grader killed with her best friend last week.

Deputies Apologize for L.A. Shooting

wild west

LOS ANGELES -- Ten sheriff's deputies who fired 120 rounds at an unarmed driver at the end of a chase in a quiet neighborhood appeared with a lawyer who apologized to residents on their behalf, but said the officers had acted to capture a suspect who "deserved and needed to be stopped."

Brooklyn Bridge Reopens After Truck Scare

the -scare news genre

Investigators later concluded that the truck stalled while crossing the bridge, and the driver left to get help, police spokeswoman Doris Garcia said.

Ind. Court: Inmate Can't Undo Death Wish

always wish first for more wishes

INDIANAPOLIS -- A death row inmate who said he wanted to be executed and then changed his mind must abide by his original decision, the Indiana Supreme Court ruled.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Officials Weighed Shooting at Errant Plane

It takes a while to realize that you're being accosted by crazy people

The Cessna pilot appeared confused by the aircraft escort and did not respond to repeated signals ordering the plane to turn away. The F-16s fired four warning flares before the Cessna finally veered west and away from the secure zone. They landed safely at an airport in Frederick, Md.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Errant Flight Prompts Capital Evacuations

DC city council targeted

There was one notable exception: Mayor Anthony Williams said city officials weren't told about the threat until the all-clear was sounded, more than 10 minutes after the White House and Capitol were evacuated. A city government building that houses the mayoral and District of Columbia Council offices, located two blocks from the White House, was not evacuated.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Devices Detect Caches of Cash

the time it takes to do it is actually an entropy gradient

Take a crisp $20 bill out of your wallet and put it up to your nose. That sweet, slightly acidic aroma is actually microscopic molecules of ink and paper landing on the nerve receptors inside your nose.

Ice Cream Vendor Punches Complaining Boy

low tolerance at Paul & Co.

Didiano, who was found guilty of simple assault, lost his job with Paul's Ice Cream Co.

Congress Urged to Help Women in Science

women shut out of male delusion of importance

A letter presented Wednesday to Sens. Ron Wyden, D-Ore., and George Allen, R-Va., said Congress should work to break down barriers that make it harder for women to fully participate in mathematics, engineering and other hard-sciences.

Two in Custody After Capitol Plane Scare

Overreaction is important in any roust. The more inconvenience, the better.

The incident began at 11:28 a.m., when Federal Aviation Administration radar picked up the aircraft, a small two-seater Cessna 150 with high wings. The aircraft breached the security zone over Washington, prompting alerts across the city.

Experts: Flares May Have Helped Planets

no kidding.

"It shows that the early evolution of the sun might have had significant effect on how the solar system formed," said McKee, who was not involved in the project.

Monkeys Escape From La. Primate Center

might be holed up, or hiding out. look for a ringleader or mastermind.

COVINGTON, La. -- Officials captured 47 monkeys that had escaped from the Tulane Primate Center, but six remained on the loose Tuesday and seemed to be hiding out in a heavily wooded area near the site.

Ky. Man Charged With Drunken Horse Riding

operating a horse device

Dwyer told officers that he had consumed about a twelve pack, Coomer said. Dwyer failed sobriety tests, Coomer said, and was charged with operating a vehicle other than a motor vehicle under the influence of intoxicants.

Senator Slams New Driver's License Rules

Extending the airport roust to the DMV

Sensenbrenner said last week that waiting a little longer in line is "a small price to pay" to prevent future terrorism.

Study: Meanness in Girls Can Start at 3

reason works until age 3

"We've done studies showing that reasoning with children, not just one time but taking lots of opportunities to reason with them about how their behavior is affecting others, can help diminish it," Hart said.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Md. Researchers Predict Bad Year for Algae

a story you get one year in four even only when they're right, otherwise known as a fund-seeking press release

ANNAPOLIS, Md. -- State researchers predicted Monday that this summer could rank among the five worst in 20 years for algae blooms that threaten fish and other marine life in Chesapeake Bay.

Fired Worker Kills One at Calif. Clinic

wellness center people not well

SAN FRANCISCO -- A man who was fired from a mental health center last year returned to the office Monday and opened fire with a handgun, killing one employee.

Americans Aren't Planning for Hurricanes

danger hype ineffective

Fifty-six percent of those surveyed said they felt "not too" vulnerable or "not at all" vulnerable, according to a Mason-Dixon poll released Monday. And one in four would do nothing to prepare for a storm, even after a watch or warning was issued.

Sheriff's Office Faulted in Doctor Death

should have studied the rock, paper and scissors strategy page

FORT MYERS, Fla. -- The sheriff's office was partly to blame for the death of a psychiatrist who was strangled by a jail inmate during a mental evaluation conducted in a soundproof room, a jury found.

NYT Internet Attack Called Broad and Long Lasting by Investigators

Email and ethics - both start with e.

Ms. Montgomery, a graduate student in geophysics, said that in a fit of anger, Stakkato had erased her computer file directory and had destroyed a year and a half of her e-mail stored on a university computer.

She guessed that she might have provoked him by referring to him as a "quaint hacker" in a communication with system administrators, which he monitored.

"It was inconvenient," she said of the loss of her e-mail, "and it's the thing that seems to happen when you have malicious teenage hackers running around with no sense of ethics."

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Pastor Says Ouster a Misunderstanding

churches reproduce by schism

This past week, his comments turned to politics again at a church gathering that ended with nine members voted out. After
the vote, other members reportedly left the church in protest.

Bush Speech-Text

gang colors

Like so much of Europe, over the next years of occupation, Holland would come to know curfews, and oppression, and armed bands with yellow stars, and deportation for its Jewish citizens.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Yellowstone Rated High for Eruption Threat

buffalo heard

Emissions of toxic gases from the park's geothermal features also pose a threat. Five bison dropped dead last year after inhaling poisonous gases trapped near the ground due to cold, calm weather near Norris Geyser Basin.

Kansas Board Holding Evolution Hearings

like rains of frogs

Intelligent design says some features of the natural world are so complex and well-ordered that they're best explained by an intelligent cause.

Family of Beheaded American Seeks Solace

soap opera reporters take different paths

PHILADELPHIA -- Relatives of Nicholas Berg, the young American entrepreneur beheaded in Iraq, have taken different paths as they've searched for solace in the year since his death.

Computers Now Grading Students' Writing

a believability dashed

But it's tough to tout a product that tinkers with something many educators believe only a human can do.

"That's the biggest obstacle for this technology," said Frank Catalano, a senior vice president for Pearson Assessments and Testing, whose Intelligent Essay Assessor is used in middle schools and the military alike. "It's not its accuracy. It's not its suitability. It's the believability that it can do the things it already can do."

Dozens Contract Illness From Small Pets

pet story ; coming soon, diet story and sex story

"This outbreak highlights the fact that there is no perfectly safe pet. Parents and children should wash their hands thoroughly after contact with any pet" _ even the family dog, said Dr. Stephen J. Swanson, a CDC epidemiologist working in the Minnesota Department of Health.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Three Snails Thought Extinct Discovered

hunted to death

Alabama is known to be the nation's top spot for extinct and imperiled mollusks, the snails and mussels in river beds.

Airline Passengers to Be Asked for Data

etymology : it's not data if they have to ask

In coming weeks, the Transportation Security Administration plans to require airlines to solicit the information. Passengers do not have to provide it, though if they don't there's a better chance they'll have to undergo more stringent screening at the airport, Justin Oberman, the TSA official in charge of the program, said Wednesday.

No Explanation for Firefighter's Recovery

Ambrose Bierce : I myself have seen a man come out of a wine cellar

NEW YORK -- Nearly 10 years after a brain injury left a firefighter virtually mute, he suddenly started talking to his wife and sons last weekend. A couple of years ago, it happened with a severely injured car accident victim who'd spent 19 years in silence.

Australia Hostage Said Has Heart Condition

Iraq handicapped parking certificate holder

CANBERRA, Australia -- Australia's foreign minister on Wednesday appealed for the release of an Australian engineer kidnapped in Iraq, saying he has a serious heart condition.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

New Computers Make Grocery Carts Smarter

how about a shopping cart that rolls straight

Like self-checkouts, a smart grocery cart is a way to help stores make shopping trips more convenient, which, along with discounts and other incentives, can cultivate loyalty, Sansolo said.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Report Calls for Clampdown on Prison Sex

the sex story. coming soon, diet story and pet story.

It is illegal for a federal prison employee to have sex with an inmate, even if it's consensual. But fewer than the half the 163 such cases substantiated by investigators and turned over to federal prosecutors resulted in criminal cases against prison employees in the five years that ended in September, Justice Inspector General Glenn A. Fine said.

Obesity a Problem Among the Affluent

the diet story. coming soon, pet story and sex story

WASHINGTON -- Obesity has long been a problem mostly of the poor, but new research shows that the more affluent are catching up fast.

Elizabeth Smart Makes People's List

dumbest story list

SALT LAKE CITY -- Elizabeth Smart, the Utah teenager who was abducted nearly three years ago, has won a more upbeat recognition, being named one of People magazine's "50 Most Beautiful People."

Sharp-Eyed N.C. Nurse Helps Save Man

men's vs women's medicine

Brown rarely visited a doctor, and Ennever said the case shows the importance of annual blood and stool tests.

Obama Praises U.S. Civil Rights Pioneers

hey, not at all, it's a nothing award.

The civil rights group presented the first-term Illinois senator with its lifetime achievement award at the 50th anniversary Detroit NAACP Freedom Fund dinner. He thanked the group for the award but said he felt unworthy.

Pol's Remark Spurs Domestic Violence Bill

happens to everybody

Altman later apologized, but his comments infuriated women around the nation.

Cuomo Warns Against Filibuster Changes

the president chooses nominees unless vetoed by a minority in the Senate, the new Bill of Rights. What are elections for?

"The Republicans say it would assure dominance by the majority in the Senate," he said. "That sounds democratic until you
remember that the Bill of Rights was adopted, as James Madison pointed out, to protect all of Americans from what he called the `tyranny of the majority.'"

Kan. OKs Ending Sunday Liquor Sales Ban

social conservative fallback position

"The default position is, 'No Sunday sales unless you opt in,'" said Sen. John Vratil.

Navajo Head Vetoes Gay Marriage Measure

one brave, one squaw vetoed

The Tribal Council voted unanimously last month to pass legislation that restricts a recognized union to a relationship between a man and a woman, and prohibits plural marriages as well as marriages between close relatives.

2 Killed After Walking in Front of Train

awkward social moment produced

HUNTINGDON VALLEY, Pa. -- Two women using a crosswalk at a suburban Philadelphia train station were killed Sunday when they walked in front of an oncoming express train traveling at 70 mph, officials said.

Mary Stevens, 78, and Helen Stewart, 76, apparently did not realize the train was not stopping at the station, authorities said.

Heinz Family Foundation Honors Six

didn't exactly do anything

_Mildred Dresselhaus, a professor of physics and electrical engineering at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, honored for her work in technology, the economy and employment. The former director of the office of science at the U.S. Department of Energy has mentored other women pursuing scientific careers.

Treasury Duck Moves Away From Tourists

global warming

The ducklings all hatched on Saturday, and surprisingly there were 11, not nine. Biologists had missed two eggs when they made their initial count.

Conservationists Kill Pigs to Save Fox

invasive indians wiped out by wholesome licorice-loving pigs

In 1853, the first ranch pigs broke into the wild and, within a few years, their population swelled to hundreds. Voracious scavengers, the pigs dug into hillsides as they foraged for bulbs and grubs, and snuffed for acorns under majestic oaks, tearing up the roots.

That triggered erosion, destroyed Chumash Indian archaeological sites that are at least 8,000 years old and encouraged the growth of nonnative plants that choked out scrubby oaks and grasses. Fennel, an invasive species, now grows so prolifically that on a hot day the air carries the plant's licorice scent.

World Gathers to Review Nuclear Treaty

American Technology Know-How Day

"I'm angry at any country that possesses nuclear weapons. They must all be abolished," said the tiny woman, who as a 7-year-old survived when 160,000 of her neighbors were killed or wounded in the U.S. nuclear bombing of her Japanese hometown, Hiroshima.

Texas Town Mulls Radioactive Waste Storage

Why not spread it along the entire US-Mexico border

Dallas-based Waste Control Specialists owns 14,400 acres about 30 miles outside town near the New Mexico border. About 1,340 acres have been set aside for hazardous waste storage and disposal, and the company will manage tons of federal uranium byproduct waste by year's end.

Backers of Bush Nominees Begin Ad Campaign

citizen input not contemplated

Jim Manley, a spokesman for Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid of Nevada, criticized the ad. "Apparently, no one at Progress For America has studied the Constitution or a U.S. history book, because their advertising campaign is intended to undermine a carefully chosen system of check and balances that has served this country well for more than 200 years," he said.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Pope Makes First Window Appearance

like TV

After greeting pilgrims in Italian and Spanish, Benedict raised his arms in greeting several times and offered his blessing.

Kerry Backs Villaraigosa for L.A. Mayor

secret plan would be better

"I'm not here against anybody," Kerry told hundreds of Villaraigosa supporters at Los Angeles Valley College. "I'm here for somebody who has a set of hopes and dreams."

Thousands Swarm Streets for Wisc. Party

police adopt serious demeanor

One student was arrested for throwing a can of beer from a balcony, striking a police officer.

Wis. Man Hid Mother's Body in Freezer

tax code anti-family

Schuth said he continued to receive his mother's Social Security funds even after her death, which he said was in August 2000.

Astronaut Hall of Fame Inducts 3 Members

I thought you had to be dead

Retired astronaut Bruce McCandless became the first so-called human satellite in 1984. The dramatic scene of McCandless flying with a hefty spacewalker's jetpack, but with his face invisible behind his helmet, remains one of the greatest space photos of all time.

Town Feels Betrayed by Missing Bride Hoax

the soap opera continues

"I'm glad that she's alive and OK, but it was a dirty trick," said Louise McCoy, waiting in line at the Duluth post office Saturday _ the same day Wilbanks was supposed to be married in a lavish ceremony that included 14 bridesmaids and 14 groomsmen.


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