``I must give him his due. He has considerably cretinized me.'' Lautréamont

Pics click to enlarge.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Counselors: Stress Got to Runaway Bride

she snapped

Marriage counselors say Wilbanks' actions are an extreme but understandable reaction to the stress of the wedding and the fear of disappointing others by backing out.

Replanting Burned Forests Delayed in Calif.

Wildflower Service spokesman needed

"If we don't give nature some help, the forest is going to be set back two or three centuries," said regional Forest Service spokesman Matt Mathes. "What was a thriving forest ecosystem is going to be a brush field for a long, long time."

Experts: New Data Show Global Warming

previous smoking gun already forgotten in new press release

Lead scientist James Hansen, a prominent NASA climatologist, described the findings on the planet's out-of-balance energy exchange as a "smoking gun" that should dispel doubts about forecasts of climate change

Zoo Reverses Vasectomy on Bush Dog

it turns out not to be Bush pulling strings

ST. LOUIS -- Three yapping, cuddly South American bush dog pups at the Saint Louis Zoo are making fertility history among wild canids, with implications for the rest of the animal world.

Special Ed. Students Charged With Rape

speaking of rape

Legislators this week introduced a bill that would increase the penalty for school employees who don't report such attacks immediately.

New Design Could Transform 1st Bike Ride


Lead designer Scott Shim hopes the design, which won top honors recently at an international bicycle design competition, can help children slowly gain the skill and courage to pedal off on their own.

Nations Accused on Intellectual Property

Terry & the software pirates

WASHINGTON -- The Bush administration, responding to America's yawning trade deficit, said Friday in its annual report on copyright theft that China must do more to crack down on rampant piracy.

Train Stops Inches From Hitting Children

news story narrowly averted

CHEYENNE, Wyo. -- A train operator Friday managed to bring his train to an abrupt stop just inches short of a young brother and sister who were crossing the tracks about a quarter-mile from their home, police said.

Dehl Facing Kidnapping and Drug Charges

they should have listened to Cassandra

Five years ago, Dehl stood teary-eyed next to Gov. Dirk Kempthorne as he signed a law named after her deceased daughter, Cassandra.

Miami Mayor Wants Sex Offender Ban

or you could ban soap opera

Karen Rivo, president of the Nautilus Middle School parent-teacher association, said she supports the mayor's proposal but she thinks improving school security with better-trained guards, alarm systems and perimeter fences should also be addressed.

Police: Ga. Woman Fabricated Kidnap Story

that didn't take long

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. -- A Georgia bride-to-be who vanished just days before her wedding turned up in New Mexico and fabricated a tale of abduction before admitting Saturday that she got cold feet and "needed some time alone," police said.

Birds May Be Behind Exploding German Toads

todeslache, the toadspool/toadstool confusion

Local officials in Hamburg were advising residents to stay away from the pond dubbed by German tabloids, "the death pool."

L.A. Airport Police Officer Dies on Job

SUV safety questioned

Sadowski gained control of the police car after the officer stopped him and they got into a fight, Moore said. After he crashed the officer's car, Sadowski carjacked a sports-utility vehicle, hit a curb and flipped over, police said.

Mother Charged With Stabbing Son, Daughter

maternal mood swings

Hammar said his department will investigate that fire again. The mother was home at the time of the blaze.

Toxic Algae Hampers Everglades Restoration

differential calculus

"We don't know how bad it's going to get before it starts getting better," Gray said.

House GOP Eyes Social Security Draft

no cliche left behind

"House Republicans are ready to roll up their sleeves and do some hard work on Social Security. We look forward to searching for solutions so that younger workers aren't left with an empty promise from the government," said Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Ill.

NASA Delays Post-Columbia Flight Again

NASA adopts old-woman rules

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. -- NASA on Friday pushed back the first post-Columbia space shuttle flight by at least two months, after last-minute analyses suggested that ice falling off the fuel tank could prove as catastrophic as the foam that doomed the last mission two years ago.

Missing Bride Found Alive in New Mexico

happy ending to the crazy girlfriend story

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. -- A Georgia woman who vanished just days before her wedding was found in New Mexico early Saturday after she called her fiance from a pay phone and said she had been kidnapped, authorities said.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Girl Scouts Sue Deadbeat Cookie Buyers

anti-obesity girl scout cookie credit limit suggsted

Form letters that preceded the legal action read, "Please note that nonpayment for Girl Scout cookies represents fraud," and advised the non-payers to arrange a repayment plan.

2 Arrested After Claiming Buried Treasure

money laundering

LAWRENCE, Mass. -- Two men who claimed in numerous national television interviews that they found buried treasure in the back yard of a home were arrested early Friday after being questioned by police, who said the money was stolen.

Statement released by Rush Limbaugh's attorney Roy Black

doctor shopping reduces medical costs

I have said from the start that there was no violation of the doctor shopping statute,

Bush Offers New Social Security Plan

America loves gas lines

He pledged to encourage oil-producing nations to maximize production and promised to protect U.S. consumers. "There will be no price gouging at gas pumps in America.," Bush said.

American Indians to Gather for Powwow

parting with wampum

"I know there are other ways than the ways I was raised with," Aasted said Thursday after purchasing tickets to the event. "If I open my heart, I can learn more about the Indian ways."

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Student Pilot in Terror Alert Arrested

on condition of anonymity

A spokeswoman for London's Metropolitan Police Service said Hajaig, who is also known as Barry John Felton, was arrested at his home in Essex by officers from the anti-terrorism branch of the department, also known as New Scotland Yard.

Angry Sri Lanka to Discipline Buses After Deadly Crash

early transportation system

"These maniacs must not be allowed to operate on public roads like Ivan the Terrible's death squads, oprichniki, unleashing terror, dealing death and wreaking havoc," it said, referring to the dreaded 16th Century Russian Czar.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Friends Find $75,000 in Backyard Treasure

money brings out character

Crebase, 24, says he's the one who made the find and has the final say about the money, though he'll do what's best for everyone.

"I'm the one who found it," Crebase said. "Without my decision, nothing's going to happen."

But Billcliff, 27, said that's not true.

"If one penny is spent, we all have to agree on its use," he told The Associated Press in a separate interview on Wednesday. "The truth was, I handed him the shovel, I told him where to start digging."

Man Drives on Taxiway at Iowa Airport

``whom'' adds austerity and dignity

Sheets told authorities he was looking for a friend, whom police said may have been dead for several years.

Airbus A380 Completes Historic 1st Flight

the pathetic fallacy

In an impromptu fly-by at Blagnac at the end of the test, the A380 passed over the runway at low speed, flaps extended, before banking confidently around for its final approach.

Toll in Japan Train Crash Looks Set to Hit 100

coven of witches found

Police raided the offices of the train's operator on Tuesday looking for clues on the cause of the crash.

Columbus Zoo Probes Giraffe's Death

it's a jungle out there

A day earlier, two zebras died minutes after being moved to a temporary enclosure outside Columbus. They got spooked and slammed into fence posts, breaking their necks, officials said.

Winstel said the renovations likely were not a factor in the death of another giraffe about two weeks ago. That animal had a chronic illness and died of heart failure in its cage.

Bill May Make Color-Coded Threat Optional

new material coming

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff has said he is considering changes to the color-coded threat system that was fodder for jokes on late-night talk shows when it was introduced.

Experiment for Photos on Stamps to Resume

Richard Nixon

Despite efforts by the company to filter obscene or otherwise inappropriate images, pranksters were able to order stamps using the images of such notorious people as Unabomber Ted Kaczynski, former Teamsters boss Jimmy Hoffa, Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceausescu and ousted Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic.

Ill. Student Charged With Racist Threats

the homesick kind of hate

BANNOCKBURN, Ill. -- A black college student was charged with a hate crime Tuesday for allegedly mailing racist threats to fellow minorities on campus, apparently because she was homesick and wanted to convince her parents the school was dangerous, authorities said.

Bill Would Put Serial Numbers on Bullets

make it part of the lottery : instant win scratch-off serial numbers

"We'll solve a lot of crimes if this becomes law," said Attorney General Bill Lockyer.

Woman in Wendy's Case Waives Extradition

crazy ex-girlfriend story

Ayala has been involved in nearly a dozen legal battles, including a sexual harassment suit against an employer, an auto dealer over a car and even another fast-food chain for food poisoning.

Authorities have not yet identified who the finger belonged to or Ayala's connection to it.

Partisan Divide on Social Security Widens

magic bunny rabbit

Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., who lost to Bush in the 2004 election, said it was the president who had failed to put a plan on the table. Referring to a proposal he made during his bid for the White House, Kerry called for repealing Bush-era tax cuts for the nation's top wage-earners to help shore up Social Security's finances.

"We're going to do something," he said of the need to address Social Security funding difficulties. "We're not going to do nothing."

Variety of Exercise May Ward Off Dementia

as good looking, too

"I've been doing it all my life," she said. "Mentally, I think I'm just as sharp as when I worked for the state for 31 years."

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Senators to Begin Social Security Hearing

russian roulette poor second to lottery among the poor

"I think in terms of major points we are trying to make, there is a difference between investments and insurance, and that, I think, is what the country has really come to see," said Sen. Ron Wyden, D-Ore., a committee member. "People do not want to play Russian Roulette with their insurance money."

Cassini Finds Organic Material on Titan

we'd like more money

"We are beginning to appreciate the role of the upper atmosphere in the complex carbon cycle that occurs on Titan," said Hunter Waite, a professor at the University of Michigan.

Del. to Use $6M Grant to Study Ecosystem

influence of money flushed down toilet

In addition to research, the money will be used to fund outreach programs to stimulate interest in life sciences among middle school students and teachers, and to attract women and other underrepresented populations to undergraduate research and career opportunities in biotechnology.

Students Rewarded for Tattling at School

keyed door and smashed window parking area

Tragedies like last month's deadly shooting at a Red Lake, Minn., school have prompted more schools to offer cash and other prizes _ including pizza and premium parking spots _ to students who report classmates who carry guns, drugs or alcohol, commit vandalism or otherwise break school rules.

Another Ex-Colleague Criticizes Bolton

shocked, shocked

"Bolton has none of the qualities needed for that job," Frederick Vreeland, a former U.S. ambassador to Morocco, said in an e-mail to the top Democrat on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. "On the contrary, he has all the qualities needed to harm the image and objectives in the U.N. and its affiliated international organizations.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

New Pope Sets Store by Lost Traditions

taking a Mounds Bar, traditionally made by Peter and Paul

A Vatican statement said the visit would underscore the "inseparable link" with the Apostles Peter and Paul, the founders of the Roman Catholic Church.

Bolton Urged to Withdraw As U.N. Nominee

who would have guessed : a Democrat as the passive voice agent

WASHINGTON - President Bush's choice to be U.S. ambassador to the United Nations should withdraw from consideration or risk embarrassing the president, a Senate Democrat said Sunday.

Storm Dumps About Foot of Snow in Midwest

town of wimps

"My wife is livid because this was a long winter. ... Even people who normally don't complain about it are at the end of their wits," said Frank Hanley, who had a foot of heavy, wet snow on his deck in the northeastern Ohio town of Chardon.

Ousted Ecuadorean Leader Awaits Plane

petroleum and fish

In a resolution Friday, the OAS avoided explicit recognition of the government of President Alfredo Palacio, who was sworn in by Congress Wednesday after it removed Gutierrez. It was not known when the OAS delegation would arrive. So far no country has recognized the new government as legitimate.

Wedding Draws First Lady to Mexico

the Kerry effect

Garza, a second-generation American whose four grandparents were from Mexico, is a former Texas secretary of state and railroad commissioner. This is his first marriage.

Aramburuzabala, 41, is vice chairwoman of Grupo Modelo, the maker of Corona and Negra Modelo beers. With an estimated fortune of $1.8 billion, she was ranked 366th among the world's billionaires, Forbes magazine reported in March.

Asia-Africa Leaders Pay Nostalgic Indonesian Visit

pope's thunder stolen

Indonesian President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, flanked by Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and China President Hu Jintao led the group, most wearing dark business suits but a few in brightly colored African robes or flowing Arab dress.

Thousands at Vatican for Papal Ceremony

dentist appointment conflict

Few top Islamic leaders promised to attend, and the Jewish presence was complicated by the weeklong Passover holiday, which began Saturday.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Friends, Family Mourn Slain Fla. Girl

girl in peril story ends, leaving room for the next

"Sarah is certainly in a much better place now," said her uncle, Larry May. "She was loved by so many, and she'll be missed by so many more."

Old, New Traditions to Mark Papal Ceremony

catalyst and hardener

Most importantly, Benedict will receive his Fisherman's Ring and pallium - the wool shawl that together with the ring signify his pastoral authority.

Lobbyist Target of Several Investigations

AP reporter imagines his audience

Abramoff, who not too long ago was one of Washington's power players, now has this city exhausting its stockpile of adjectives as it hurls descriptions of unrestrained greed and cynicism in his direction - scuzzy, outrageous, pathetic, disgusting, vainglorious, to list just a few flung by members of Congress.

High Gas Prices Fuel Public Transit Use

One cannot step in the same bus twice

"I know there are people on the bus today that weren't on the bus three years ago," he said.

Bolton Finds U.N. Nomination in Jeopardy

plug-pull looms

"This nomination is not doomed, but it's on life support and the plug may well be pulled any day," said Allan J. Lichtman, a political history professor at American University.

Conservatives See Win in Rise of New Pope

evangelical pilot training

While flexible, modernized churches stagnate, evangelical and Pentecostal Christianity are growing in the developing world - as is Islam. These groups have been dogged in preserving doctrinal and moral tradition.

Respect Ethics, Seek Truth, New Pope Tells Media

truth colors

In order to do their work responsibly, the media's mandate was "to discover the truth, to use it and to make it known," said Benedict, wearing the traditional white papal cassock and looking professorial with gold-colored wire-rimmed glasses.

Koizumi Says Agreed with Hu Not to Debate History

urn rattling

A Japanese cabinet minister and 80 other parliamentarians paid their respects on Friday at the shrine, prompting an angry response from Beijing.

Korean Leaders Agree to Resume Talks

the mysterious East

Neither leader spoke to reporters as they left the talks, which lasted about 30 minutes.

Turkish Cypriot Government Resigns

pernicious fallout of Iraq invasion

Once sworn in, Talat was expected to appoint Ferdi Sabit Soyer, a close associate, as the new prime minister.

Talat has pledged to work to reunite this divided Mediterranean island and restart peace talks with Greek Cypriots.

Islamists Dominate Saudi Arabia Elections

if that doesn't work out, we'll vote for somebody else next time

"We are an Islamic country and we are Islamists. We will stick to our Islamic values in fulfilling our duties according to the book and al-Sunnah," said winning Jiddah candidate Bassam Jamil al-Khadher, referring to the Quran and sayings of Islam's founding Prophet Muhammad.

Berlusconi Returns to Power with New Italian Govt

italian dressing

"This is just a rancid second-course dish that has been reheated," said former anti-graft magistrate Antonio Di Pietro, who is a prominent center-left politician.

Wendy's Hopes Arrest Brings Back Customers

finger foods offered

The company plans to launch a marketing campaign and will offer free frosties this weekend at its Bay area restaurants, Wendy's spokesman Denny Lynch said.

L.A. Hospital Fixes Expected to Cost $47M

sinkholes are protected wetlands. flush it down a toilet.

"Dumping good money into a sinkhole does not fix the problem," he said Friday.

Moussaoui Pleads Guilty in 9/11 Conspiracy

Never talk to federal agents! That was Martha Stewart's mistake. They get you on that where they couldn't get you on the stuff in question.

In a "statement of facts" compiled by prosecutors and signed in court by Moussaoui, he acknowledged knowing about the plot to fly planes into prominent U.S. buildings, then lying to federal agents after his arrest in August 2001 to avoid exposing the plot.

Fort Worth Drownings Settlement Expected


The four visitors to the gardens were part of Chicago church group. One girl slipped into the pool, and the others fell or jumped in to help, authorities have said. Killed were Myron Dukes, 39; his daughter Lauren, 8; his son Christopher, 13; and Juanitrice Deadmon, 11, a family friend.

Video: Police Handcuffed 5-Year-Old Girl

taser the brat

The 30-minute tape shows the child appearing to calm down before three officers pinned her arms behind her back and put on handcuffs as she screamed, "No!"

Ex-Ferry Director Pleads Guilty in Crash

christmas too

"It's a disgrace," said the widow of victim Pio Canini. "He'll be out before his next birthday."

Friday, April 22, 2005

Late Togo Dictator's Son Seeks Presidency

pernicious influence of lego sets

LOME, Togo - The father was Africa's longest-reigning dictator, ordered his enemies executed, and claimed to be chosen by God.

China Officials Dismiss Japan Apology

why Japan needs nuclear weapons

"Mr. Koizumi is bringing out an old apology that has been repeated many times over the past 10 years, every time Japan had to repair diplomatic relations with Asian neighbors," said Shinichi Arai, professor emeritus at Surugadai University. "The problem is that only the words were repeated, but Japan has never done anything to prove it really regretted its past."

Study: Processed Meats May Up Cancer Risk


The American Meat Institute disputed the study's claims in a statement Thursday, saying "processed meats are safe and wholesome foods that can be part of a healthy, balanced diet."

Thursday, April 21, 2005

British Court Says to Allow Baby to Die

the colorful toy test

The judge agreed that the baby now responds to loud noises and tracks the movement of a colorful toy - in contrast to October, when she was almost wholly unresponsive.

Antarctic Glaciers in Retreat from Climate Change

global spring

Ted Scambos from the University of Colorado's National Snow and Ice Data Center said the study's results were a warning to the world.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Study: Gov't Overstated Danger of Obesity

mothers against fat drivers

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that obesity accounts for 25,814 deaths a year in the United States. As recently as January, the CDC came up with an estimate 14 times higher: 365,000 deaths.

In U.S., Pope Greeted With Mixed Feelings

the church-bell effect

In Cleveland, John Sesek, 50, was riding his bicycle to work when he heard the church bells.

"Part of me hoped for an election of a pope from the Third World because of the needs of the poor and to unite the First and Third worlds," he said.

Endangered Whooping Cranes Produce Egg

endangered raccoon

A worker at the Necedah National Wildlife Refuge discovered a whooping crane incubating an egg Saturday, but the egg was destroyed by Sunday - most likely by a raccoon or other predator, said Larry Wargowsky, manager of the 44,000-acre refuge in central Wisconsin.

5,000 Face Shots After Hepatitis Outbreak

factorial design desired

"Unfortunately, because it covers such a large block of time, they (the victims) have eaten at several restaurants," said health office spokeswoman Carole Martin.

Apes May Help Determine Human Nature

marriage of doll-house person and computer-geek person

The bonobos will be able to cook in their own kitchen, tap vending machines for snacks, go for walks in the woods and communicate with researchers through computer touchscreens. The decor in their 18-room home includes an indoor waterfall and climbing areas 30 feet high.

Report: Organism a Threat to Great Lakes

snail mail

"Many invasive species act like a computer virus. Once they get into the Great Lakes ecosystem they can clean it out," said Cameron Davis, executive director of the Chicago-based Alliance for the Great Lakes. "In the Great Lakes, we are operating without a virus protection program."

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Growing Number of Women Hooked on Gambling

flashing lights

"The video machines are everywhere," says Reece Middleton of the Louisiana Association on Compulsive Gambling. "It's no wonder we've got women in trouble."

Habitat Founder Forms New Housing Ministry

intra-system goals come first

"Building Habitat is not intended to compete with Habitat for Humanity," Fuller said Monday. "Rather, we seek to be a companion to it and to similar organizations that are working to eliminate poverty housing."

But Chris Clarke, Habitat for Humanity vice president of communications, said the group's trademark lawyer has contacted Fuller and would "take whatever action is necessary to safeguard our trademark-protected name."

Axum Obelisk to Return to Ethiopia

colorful baskets

"People outside of Ethiopia often think of famine, of war, of drought and don't realize the wealth of heritage that this country does have," Teckle said.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Whale in Del. River May Head to Ocean

Port Jarvis whale spawning grounds

CAMDEN, N.J. - The wayward whale that's spent a week thrilling folks watching from boats and along the banks of the Delaware River appears headed back toward open water, though he still has miles to go.

Seniors Don't Follow Prescription Orders

crotchety-old-fart meets modern medical model

WASHINGTON - Two of every five senior citizens don't follow their doctors' orders, sometimes because of cost, sometimes because they just don't want to.

CDC: American Alcohol, Health Ideas Wrong

CDC seeing double

Alcohol is the nation's third leading cause of death, killing 75,000 Americans each year through related injuries or diseases, the CDC says.

Washington D.C. Man Named Top Teacher

after 4 downs, the other team pushes the goal posts the other way

"That constant process of pushing the goal posts down the field has made me be a better teacher."

Food Pyramid Is Changing

1 coke can of wheat germ

This time, to make its advice more understandable, the government will switch to cups, ounces and other household measures.

Government Advice on What to Eat

the food funnel

Eat 2 cups of fruit and 2 1/2 cups of vegetables a day.

Long-Awaited Lincoln Museum to Open

Another-tedious-place-to-take-kids story

SPRINGFIELD, Ill. - Abraham Lincoln is getting his own state-of-the-art showplace, a museum designed to generate new interest in the 16th president's life through a mix of showmanship and scholarship.

Child Killed in Va. School Bus Crash

35 kids in math class, one is killed, leaves 34 kids. Now they have counselors instead of arithmetic examples.

Counselors were sent to the school as well as to hospitals to work with the families, schools spokeswoman Linda Erdos said.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Oceans Getting Louder; Effects Unclear

a school of scientists

Some scientists believe the spreading "acoustic smog" is essentially blinding marine life, affecting feeding, breeding and other crucial activities.

Barnicle Ending Regular Herald Column

publishing jargon

"I think the format is problematical for people like me. They have a short news hole, and they tend to put columnists in the back of the paper," he said.

DeLay Avoids Ethics Flap in Speech to NRA

or you could vote for somebody else

"He is an embarrassment to our district," said protester Patricia Baig, a 57-year-old retired school teacher from Missouri City, Texas. "He doesn't represent his district and it is time for him to do the honorable thing and resign."

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Official Mourning Period for Pope Ends

double secret excommunication

With one hand on the book of the Gospels, each of the officials and aides also swore to refrain from using any audio or video equipment during the closed-door vote, at the risk of the severest of punishments the church can mete out: excommunication.

Cardinals Want New Pope to Bridge Divides

They're in luck, pontifex means bridge maker

The profile of a pope who knows how to communicate and to bridge cultural and religious divides fits a number of the 115 cardinals assembling in the conclave that begins Monday.

Naval Academy Describes Student's Fall

1.94 seconds, 42 mph

ANNAPOLIS, Md. - A U.S. Naval Academy student found dead earlier this month fell more than 60 feet from his dormitory's fifth-floor ledge, academy officials said.

Reports: Airport Security Hasn't Improved

Fortunately airport security doesn't matter. Passengers will now kill anybody who tries anything. Put knives in every seat pocket, in fact.

Airport security is a roust : maximum inconvenience to prove you're busy.

Skinner told the Senate Homeland Security Committee that the reasons the screeners failed undercover audits had to do with training, equipment, management and policy.

Amtrak Scrambles to Find Trains for Acela

nobody has yet noticed the difference is only 12 minutes

Acela trains can get from Washington to New York City in two hours and 48 minutes, while its regular fleet takes more than three hours.

Body Found Near Home of Missing Fla. Girl

Whoa! Little Sarah has snuck in to fill the girl-in-peril news void left by little Jessica and, I forget the other one in Kansas.

The fathers of two previously slain girls have been involved in the search for Sarah: Mark Lunsford, whose 9-year-old daughter, Jessica, was found dead last month after disappearing from her Citrus County home, and Roy Brown, whose 7-year-old daughter, Amanda, was killed by a convicted child molester in 1997.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Feds Scale Back Endangered Toad Protections

wholesome increase in the redwood harvest

"The radical reduction in the size of critical habitat is further evidence of the Bush administration's assault on the natural environment," said David Hogan, urban wildlands program director for the Center for Biological Diversity.

Questions Linger After Pit Bull Attack

20 a year, population 300 million, so you can expect to be fatally attacked by a dog once every 15 million years, roughly in hit-by-asteroid territory, riskwise. On the other side, the other 100 million dogs lengthen and enrich their owners' lives immeasurably. So the natural result is hysterics and busybodies seizing on every news story about lingering questions to scare women, their audience.

"It's almost routine now," said Karen Delise, a veterinarian who studied hundreds of such cases for her book, "Fatal Dog Attacks: The Stories Behind the Statistics," which found that the number of fatal dog attacks nationwide has held steady at an average of 20 a year.

Amtrak Cancels Acela Express Service

conventional service pulled by GG-1 locomotives in the 60s ran faster than acela

Cracks were found in brake components on most coaches of the trains during routine inspections, Amtrak said in a statement, adding that no brake failures or other safety problems had occurred.

Mass. Lottery Proposes 'Virtual Racing'

the easily amused market

Each animated race would last about a minute and feature 12 numbered horses circling the track as a fast-talking announcer describes the action.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Teen Accused of Killing Friend With Bat

girls are in charge of everything these days

A memorial was held at Highland High School, where Rourke attended classes. Students shared memories, and a bundle of pink and black balloons was released in honor of Rourke.

Libraries Fight Proposed Budget Cuts

we do so much that priorities are out of the question.

Doug Evans, executive director of the Ohio Library Council, said the fact that libraries do so much more than lend books is the reason funding needs to be preserved. Computer training, children's reading programs and helping with job searches are just a few of the library services communities depend on, he said.

FDA Panel Backs Lifting Breast Implant Ban

the adventure of sexual difference

"How can you ask women to consent based on a lot of unknowns?"

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Parents Getting Aggressive, Teachers Say

football games someday unnecessary

In light of the shooting in East Texas, the Texas High School Coaches Association may adopt a conflict resolution program, said D. W. Rutledge, executive vice president.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Jury Selection Begins in Highway Shootings

story enters legal expert phase

The insanity plea is used in fewer than 1 percent of felony cases and rarely succeeds, said Thomas Hafemeister, director of legal studies at the Institute of Law, Psychiatry and Public Policy at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville.

Obese Shoppers Say Clerks Not Helpful

they waddle in from overweight parking

A small Rice University study details some of the unpleasant experiences of women like Schuller and other overweight shoppers.

States Grapple With Growing Teen Meth Use

scary trend story

Minnesota has been dealing with all of the above and is home to another scary trend: Here, many young people and experts who monitor drug use agree that meth is steadily replacing marijuana as the teenage drug of choice.

Train, Minivan Collision Kills 4 in Wis.

if another train leaves Chicago going 30 mph

The minivan's driver was apparently trying to cut through a highway construction area to get to Columbus when the vehicle was hit by the train and pushed about a mile down the tracks, authorities said. The train was traveling about 60 mph.

Colo. Blizzard Strands Drivers, Travelers

nation on the move

"I need a drink and the lines are an hour-long to get one," traveler Brandi Hoenig said.

Women Inside NIH Describe Sex Harassment

fart jokes

"It can be fairly uncomfortable," NIH medical officer Betsy Smith testified in a recent civil case deposition that has been turned over to federal and Senate investigators. "There are a number of things that you really don't talk about."

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Australia Lawmaker Urges Killing Toads

import toad-eating rabbits

They have since hopped all the way to Australia's northeastern coast and south into parts of the state of New South Wales, killing much of the native wildlife that eat them - particularly the endangered marsupials called quolls.

Kerry: Trickery Kept Voters From Polls

magic antecedent

"Last year too many people were denied their right to vote, too many who tried to vote were intimidated," the Massachusetts senator said at an event sponsored by the state League of Women Voters.

"There is no magic wand. No one person is going to stand up and suddenly say it's going to change tomorrow. You have to do that," he said.

Cardinals Maintain Silence Before Conclave

him whom

As for the man who is to replace him, "let us not be uselessly and too humanly curious to know ahead of time who he will be," Ruini said. "Let us instead prepare to receive in prayer, trust and love he whom the Lord chooses to give us."

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Duchess Elegant, Feminine on Wedding Day

Ed winds up with the plum assignment


The new duchess' coat, in oyster silk basket weave, featured subtle herringbone embroidery while the silk chiffon dress, hemmed with vertical rows of appliqued woven disks made in Switzerland, peeped out beneath.

Titles a Touchy Issue in Royal Wedding

Stewardess of Scotland

Charles' office believes Parker Bowles can take a title of her choosing from a grab bag of her husband's offices: Prince of Wales, Earl of Chester, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles and Great Steward of Scotland, and Duke of Cornwall.

With Pope Buried, Countdown to Conclave Starts

each one better than the next

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - After the historic funeral of Pope John Paul resounded with calls to make him a saint, Roman Catholic cardinals resumed meetings on Saturday to prepare to choose the next pope.

Charles, Camilla Wed in Modest Ceremony

Charles blesses the crowd

After the town hall nuptials, not attended by the queen to honor the couple's desire to keep it "low key," the Charles and Camilla emerged arm-in-arm to the cheers of onlookers and a jazz band playing, "Congratulations." They waved to the cheering crowd, but there was no public kiss or embrace.

3 Students Suspended for Using Fake Money


WEST SEATTLE, Wash. - A sixth-grader and two of his friends were suspended for using phony dollar bills made on a home computer to buy food in the school cafeteria.

Scientists Create Remote-Controlled Flies

speaking of psychiatric disorders

Even headless flies took flight when researchers stimulated the correct neurons, according to the study, published in the April 7 issue of the journal Cell.

Scientists say the study could ultimately help identify the cells associated with psychiatric disorders, overeating and aggressiveness.

Man Pleads Not Guilty in NY Sidewalk Crash

driver hits offenses

The indictment charges Popadich with second-degree murder, attempted murder, reckless endangerment, illegal gun possession, leaving the scene of an accident and possession of stolen property.

Woman Claiming Finger in Chili Sues Often

the finger of blame

"Lies, lies, lies, that's all I am hearing," she said. "They should look at Wendy's. What are they hiding? Why are we being victimized again and again?"

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Text of Pope's Last Will and Testament

will is highly technical

The times in which we live are indescribably difficult and troubled. Difficult and tense has become the life of the Church as well, characteristic trial of these times - as much for the Faithful, as much as for the Pastors. In some Countries (as, e.g. in that one about which I was reading during the spiritual exercises), the Church finds itself in a period of persecution that is not inferior to those of the first centuries; on the contrary, the degree of cruelty and hatred is greater still. Sanguis martyrum - semen christianorum (Eds: Latin for "Blood of the martyrs - seeds of Christians"). And beyond this - so many people disappear innocently, even in this Country, in which we live...

Minuteman Project Volunteers Face Probe

government irked

"We do not have the time nor the patience for anyone attempting to turn this situation into a three ring circus," Cochise County Sheriff Larry Dever said in a statement.

Panel: AIDS Study OK Despite Violations

because nothing would justify excluding them. What the hell is a scientific ethics panel.

WASHINGTON - Controversial U.S. research in Africa that violated federal patient protection rules was nevertheless conducted well enough to support its conclusions that the AIDS drug nevirapine could be used safely to protect babies from the disease, an expert scientific panel has concluded.

"The committee finds that there is no reason based in ethical concerns about the design or implementation of the study that would justify excluding its findings from use in scientific and policy deliberations," the Institute of Medicine Panel said in a report obtained by The Associated Press.

Md., Del. Police Investigate 3 Shootings

criminal carrage

Police in Delmar, Del., said a shot was also fired there. No one was hit, but a car in the area resembled one that was seen fleeing from the Salisbury shooting scene, a Delmar police official said. He spoke on condition of anonymity.

The same car was seen at the Laurel shooting, witnesses told Delmar police.

FDA to Reconsider Breast Implant Ban

cat fight

Next week, the debate again will pit woman against woman, patients who say the implants caused lasting scars versus others who say the silicone-gel versions look and feel more natural than saline implants. The FDA has set aside an entire extended day - from 8 a.m. to 11 p.m. on Monday - to hear from the public.

"I'm 23 years old and I'm in bed most days almost all day," says Shannon Scott of Lakeside, Calif., who developed severely painful scar tissue a year after receiving her 2002 breast implants. Uninsured and on disability, she says she cannot afford to have them removed - and she will tell the FDA committee that her surgeon never reported her complaints so that researchers could properly count side effects in implant studies.

On the other side is Kerri Branson of North Aurora, Ill., who first received silicone-gel implants in 1990 and was so pleased with them that she got a second set last summer to firm up breasts sagging from breastfeeding the four children she had in the interim.

"I've never ever regretted my choice," Branson said. "I wish that other women could feel as great as I do."

Delta Hoping to Curb Spread of Diseases

avian flu, stewardess std's

Infectious illnesses have long been transported by airplanes.

Lawmaker Takes Job As Ethics Investigator

calm as the lid of a tomb

Those who have worked closely with Hastings caution people not to be fooled by his calm demeanor.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Pot Ingredient Slows Heart Disease in Mice

don't operate heavy machinery

But he noted that controlling one's weight, exercising and eating right have already been proven to reduce a person's risk of heart attacks and strokes from clogged arteries.

Bush, Former Presidents View Pope's Body

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, right down Santa Claus lane

They knelt for about five minutes, heads bowed, as choral music filled the huge structure.

Space Shuttle Ends Long Trip to Launch Pad

launch pad soda bottle relevelled

Discovery was moved on a 5.5 million-pound transporter, a huge platform on caterpillar tracks, along a specially built road that is almost as wide as an eight-lane highway. The 4.2-mile journey to the launch pad took 10 1/2 hours since the transporter moved at only 1 mph and encountered a minor snag at the end.

ACLU Files Suit Over Gay T-Shirt Ban

``entrance in rear''

LaStaysha Myers, 15, said she was sent home twice from Webb City High. She is heterosexual but wore shirts with handwritten phrases including "I support the gay rights!"

Lawmakers: Daylight-Saving Time Saves Fuel

Equinoxes moved to February and October

"The more daylight we have, the less electricity we use," said Markey, who cited Transportation Department estimates that showed the two-month extension would save the equivalent of 10,000 barrels of oil a day.

Sky-Watchers Await Solar Eclipse on Friday

never look directly at a tornado

Astronomers warned people not to stare directly at the sun without eye protection.

Colo. Governor Vetoes Rape Bill

women have tender ears and believe more things than men

DENVER - Gov. Bill Owens vetoed a bill that would have required hospitals to tell rape victims about emergency contraception, saying it would have forced church-backed institutions to violate their own ethics guidelines.

Owens, a Roman Catholic Republican who has campaigned on conservative values, said the measure was well-intentioned but probably unconstitutional and did not provide victims with balanced information needed to make a deeply personal decision.

"Without informed consent, a woman could innocently violate her personal, moral and religious beliefs about when life begins," Owens said Tuesday.

Terri Schiavo's Sister Mourns Her at Mass

artichoke perseverance and radish determination

GULFPORT, Fla. - Speaking before hundreds of mourners at a funeral Mass planned by her parents, Terri Schiavo's sister said the severely brain damaged woman showed the world perseverance and determination.

Most Lawmakers Want to Forget Schiavo Case

if you let in one slippery slope argument, soon anybody can prove anything

"Those debates frighten me, and they should alarm you, too," Turnbull told a Senate Health Committee hearing Wednesday. "The slippery slope is slick and awaits us all."

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Bells to Signal Election of New Pope

Unlettered race, how few the number tells,
Their only pride a cariole and bells,
Perchance they revel; still around they creep,
And talk, and smoke, and spit, and drink, and sleep! - Standish O'Grady

VATICAN CITY - The ringing of bells will accompany the traditional signal of white smoke to announce to the world that a new pope has been elected, a top Vatican official said Tuesday.

Archbishop Piero Marini, master of ceremonies for liturgical celebrations, said the bells were being added to avoid confusion over the color of the smoke coming from the chimney of the Sistine Chapel.

Hospitals Scrambling to Meet Nurse Ratio

patients to receive nurse training

The law, backed by California's biggest nurses union and signed by then-Gov. Gray Davis in 1999, said hospitals must adhere to a staffing level set by the Department of Health Services. DHS then decided on a 1-to-6 ratio beginning in 2004 - a rule that took effect with similar difficulty - and 1-to-5 starting in January 2005.

Drenching Rain Floods Delaware River

childhood junk lost

Latoyra Taylor, 20, was in the process of moving out of her family's home in Trenton, N.J., and into her own apartment when the rain began. As she stood behind a police line with other evacuated neighbors, all she could do was think of what was left behind.

"Everything that meant something is in the basement," she said.

Sen. Russ Feingold Raising His Profile

fortunes increased

WASHINGTON - Sen. Russ Feingold, whose name has become synonymous with campaign finance reform, is raising both his profile and thousands of dollars with his new leadership political action committee.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Tribal Leader Says He'll Stay at School

indian-strength anxiety

"In our community when you combine anger and politics, it's a flammable mixture," said Lee Cook, director of the American Indian Resource Center at nearby Bemidji State University.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Origami Artist Akira Yoshizawa Dies at 94

Origami artist dies of cooties

TOKYO - Akira Yoshizawa, an origami master whose expressive paper gorillas made an art out of Japan's craft tradition, died March 14 of heart failure and pneumonia, his wife said Sunday. He was 94.

Charles to Wed on Friday Despite Pope's Funeral

earth tones

LONDON (Reuters) - The wedding of Britain's Prince Charles to Camilla Parker Bowles will go ahead Friday even if it clashes with the funeral of Pope John Paul, Clarence House said Sunday.

Guessing Game Begins on Pope's Successor

John Kerry

VATICAN CITY - Roman Catholic leaders began to speak out Sunday about their hopes - and expectations - for a new leader, as the intense guessing game began over who would succeed John Paul II.

Across the U.S., Memories of the Pope

leather whips, rubber underwear, painful memories of you

He reveled in the smell of fresh-cut fields. He liked a good tune. He took time out to say hello. The small gestures of Pope John Paul II were what stuck out to many Americans on Saturday as they recalled meeting him. Some of their thoughts:

Pope's Dying Hours Uplifted Church's Image

in short soap opera

To Gibson, a convert from Protestantism, it all shows that the Catholic Church "is much less about institutions than it is about the spiritual journey we're all on."

"This is what the church is all about in the end: baptizing your babies, marrying your children and burying your dead."

E-Mails Usurp Arcane Signs of Pope's Death

ambiguity found in traditional code, also it seemed ridiculous

VATICAN CITY - For centuries, one of the surest signs that a pope had died was the closing of the massive Bronze Door beneath a portico off St. Peter's Square. But the first word of John Paul II's death came in an e-mail.

The bronze doors are routinely closed at 8 p.m. and opened again the next morning after the Basilica reopens. The 84-year-old pontiff died at 9:37 p.m. Saturday - after the doors had closed for the day.

Zimbabwe's Mugabe Scoffs at Vote Doubters

colorful native baskets

Nearby ZANU-PF supporters sang, beat drums and danced in celebration.

Widow, Father Deaths Said Murder-Suicide

the male eats the female after sex

Gelineau's parents had a history of domestic violence in Romania, he said.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Americans Mourning the Death of Pope

first-hand contrary report : nobody mourning pope in supermarket

Quietly at home, or with heads bowed in church, Americans marked the death Saturday of Pope John Paul II, recalling him as a great leader who combined warmth with moral power, a call to care for the poor with an emphasis on liberty.

Bronze Door Reopens, Signaling Pope Alive

other bad signs : leaf blowers, white volvos

Over the centuries, the most traditional and telling signal that a pope has died has been the tolling of the Vatican's bells, which prompts churches across Rome to join in. Other signs include the closing of the massive bronze portal beneath a portico off St. Peter's and drawn shutters in the pontiff's apartment.

Pope Weakens as World Braces for His Death

headline escalation as Pope does not die, press in limbo

"As of this morning at dawn, we are noticing that his state of consciousness is compromised," spokesman Joaquin Navarro-Valls told reporters.

Error Puts Strippers on Public Access TV

tense moment with Mrs. George Morton

Hopewell Junction resident George Morton returned home from Palm Sunday Mass and turned on his television to see a striptease contest.

"I thought, this is terrible," Morton said. "I don't get HBO or anything like that."

Autopsy of Terri Schiavo Completed

Remains divided in Solomon-like compromise

Terri Schiavo's parents, Bob and Mary Schindler, and Michael Schiavo spent Friday planning separate funerals for the 41-year-old woman, who died Thursday - 13 days after her feeding tube was removed.

Site of RFK's Slaying Saved, for Now

Mariposa Pussy-paws ecosystem

The Los Angeles Unified School District agreed Thursday not to alter any part of the Ambassador Hotel until the lawsuit is settled, said Jeffrey Dintzer, an attorney for Los Angeles Conservancy, a historic preservation organization.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Odds of Prince Rainier Recovery Said Slim

coming up fast on the outside with his own slim, Prince Rainier

MONACO - Prince Rainier III's chances of recovery from heart and kidney failure and respiratory problems were very slim, his palace said Friday, a day after his son and heir took over as regent of the Mediterranean principality.

CORRECTED: Asia's Catholic Faithful Pray for Pope

let's see how those returns are adding up now

MANILA (Reuters) - Millions of Roman Catholics in Asia packed churches and held vigils on Friday to pray for Pope John Paul as the Vatican said the ailing Pontiff's condition was "very grave."

Catholics Worldwide Unite, Pray for Pope

not on message

That sentiment was echoed by Pius Ncube, the archbishop of Bulawayo, in Zimbabwe.

"I am praying that he goes home gently," Ncube said. "At 84, he has lived a full life. It doesn't make sense to pray for his recovery."

U.N.: Ethiopia and Eritrea in Danger of War Again

New York City marathon threatened

ASMARA (Reuters) - An increasingly belligerent border stalemate between Ethiopia and Eritrea could lead to renewed war, the top U.N. peacekeeper in the conflict said on Thursday.

Chance of Surviving Septic Shock Slim

priest : I can beat you at dominos

congr : No you can't beat us at dominos

priest : I can beat you at dominos

congr : No you can't beat us at dominos

Vatican officials said the pope was receiving antibiotics, but asked to remain at his Vatican apartment and not be taken to the hospital.

"The chances of an elderly person in this condition with septic shock surviving 24 to 48 hours are slim - about 10-20 percent, but that would be in an intensive care unit with very aggressive treatment," said Dr. Gianni Angelini, a professor of cardiac surgery at Bristol University in England.

Unless circulation is restored quickly, within about 24 to 48 hours, the organs start failing because of lack of oxygen. The kidneys tend to fail first and the others fall like dominos behind it, said Dr. Peter Weissberg, medical director of the British Heart Foundation.

'Ms. Wheelchair' Loses Crown for Standing

Ms. Disabled Parking doesn't require actual immobility

"I've been made to feel as if I can't represent the disabled citizens of Wisconsin because I'm not disabled enough," Lee said Thursday.

Colo. Gov. Apologizes for 'Natives' Remark

indian roulette

DENVER - Colorado Gov. Bill Owens apologized for saying "the natives are getting restless" during a conference on tribal gambling.

'Flower Fairy' Makes Deliveries in Wash.

little heart over the `i'

Residents who've received the deliveries said they will hear a knock late at night and answer the door to find the floral gift and a handwritten note saying, "Hope these make you smile." The notes are signed, "Love, the Flower Fairy." The handwriting appears to be feminine.

Bush Panel: FBI 'Has Many Miles to Travel'

Little horse thinks stopping there queer

WASHINGTON - The FBI "has many miles to travel" in its attempt to remake itself as a topflight counterterrorism agency and the outcome is in doubt, according to a presidential commission.

Schiavo Political Battle Rages On

Kennedy picks dead end from among viable lines, falls into bay again

"I'm not sure what Mr. DeLay meant when he said 'the time will come for the men responsible for this to answer for their behavior,'" the Massachusetts Democrat said in a written statement. "But at a time when emotions are running high, Mr. DeLay needs to make clear that he is not advocating violence against anyone."

Bush Denounced for Social Security Analogy

not to mention the unsavory aftermath of Helen's whoring around

"It is just so unfair, misleading and fraudulent," Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid said of the president's references to the Thrift Savings Plan. The Nevada Democrat accused the administration of using carve-out accounts as a Trojan horse for eliminating Social Security, by siphoning off the taxes that pay benefits.

Clinton Steps Back Into Public Spotlight

the innumerable defended

"I just knew that unless somebody was committed to helping these countries systemize their approach and get this medicine out there, people were going to keep dying like flies who don't have to die," Clinton said.

Tribes, Gov't Want 'Squaw' Names Changed

``Warm Springs'' means female genitalia

Oregon's Confederated Tribes of Warm Springs is an example. In 2004, after three years of debate, the Warm Springs tribal council passed a resolution approving 42 words to replace squaw on the tribe's ancestral land.


Blog Archive