``I must give him his due. He has considerably cretinized me.'' Lautréamont

Pics click to enlarge.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Encoignure Loaf


1 1/2 pounds encoignure, ground
1/2 cup medium cracker crumbs
2 beaten eggs
1 8-ounce can tomato sauce
1/4 cup finely chopped onion
2 tablespoons chopped green pepper
dash dried thyme, crushed
dash dried marjoram, crushed

Combine all ingredients and 1 teaspoon salt; mix well.
Shape mixture into a loaf in a baking dish. Bake at 350
degrees about 1 1/4 hours. Makes 6 to 8 servings.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

New York Transit Union OKs Tentative Deal

it's always sad when a transit strike ends without the destruction of the union, the jailing of all its officials and the firing of every single worker who struck

NEW YORK -- The executive board for the city's transit workers union approved a tentative new contract late Tuesday, five days after it ended a paralyzing bus and subway strike that stranded millions of commuters.

Many Meth Users Turn to Identity Theft

duh news

wm f. buckley, milton friedman, said it would happen, but no, we have to have a war on drugs, the chief effect of which is to make it really profitable to engage in.

Authorities are discovering that more and more desperate users of the drug are turning to identity theft to pay for their habit, creating a criminal nexus costing Americans millions of dollars.

New Orleans Top Cop Supportive of Shooting

has to be shooting by police

can't have ordinary people doing it, with more effectiveness

the media are against shooting except by criminals, the liberal 3rd position.

NEW ORLEANS -- The officers who gunned down a knife-wielding man appeared to be justified, and would have betrayed their police training if they had aimed to fire a non-lethal shot, said Police Superintendent Warren Riley.

Student Who Died in Tsunami Remembered

steaming pile of women's stories

DENVER -- Robert Weissberg remembers when his daughter Nicole was a child roaming the Gramercy Park Hotel in New York, ordering peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the dining room or playing on luggage carts in the halls with her younger brother.

Appalachian Town Looks to Flatten Mountain

negative thinking

Environmentalists say the process destroys wildlife habitat and contaminates water.

Wind-Driven Grass Fires Kill One in Texas

sounds like it was set by officials

Drought and windy conditions help set the stage for the wildfires, which authorities believe were mainly set by people ignoring fire bans and burning trash, shooting fireworks or tossing cigarettes on the crunchy, brown grass.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Fake but Accurate

``a model fact''

``tautness of truth''

``formally true''

Free Spam Email Subject Line Suggestion

``Contact Your Probation Officer''

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Official: Drug Cos. Lack Vaccine Incentive

in other amazing news, there is no private aircraft industry in the US since liability lawsuits bankrupted them

WASHINGTON -- In an unusually candid admission, the federal chief of AIDS research says he believes drug companies don't have an incentive to create a vaccine for the HIV and are likely to wait to profit from it after the government develops one.

Analysis: Rice Sees Political Star on Rise

analysis : there is no star so there is no story

WASHINGTON -- Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has become the most popular member of the Bush administration and a potential candidate to succeed her boss in the White House, even as Americans lose confidence in the president she serves and patience with the Iraq war she helped launch.

Powell Backs Eavesdropping to Stop Terror

powell does not understand that something will always occupy the news cycle as scandal

there is no controversy

there is news cycle

WASHINGTON -- Former Secretary of State Colin Powell on Sunday supported government eavesdropping to prevent terrorism but said a major controversy over presidential powers could have been avoided by obtaining court warrants.

Floyd Victims Relate to Katrina Evacuees

news from women's minds

PRINCEVILLE, N.C. -- Jessie Murphy rebuilt her wrecked home after Hurricane Floyd dumped rain that overran levees and inundated her historic hometown. Today she wonders if she should have bothered _ and she worries that the victims of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans will someday feel the same way.

Big Easy Residents Worry About Reputation

who goosed the soprano?

no, sorry.

it's from the AP ``women's news''

women care about steaming piles of emotions

all women all the time

NEW ORLEANS -- Karen Conway looks up from the muscular cup of coffee she is nursing at the French Quarter landmark Cafe du Monde and raises both eyebrows, her green eyes going wide.

Ney Says He's Confident He'll Be Cleared

i have no idea what this is about but he's certainly guilty

WASHINGTON -- Rep. Bob Ney of Ohio, a focus of the criminal investigation into Jack Abramoff's lobbying, says he's had no conversations with the Justice Department and believes its probe will clear him of any wrongdoing.

Shark Bites Surfer Off Oregon Coast

it's the first because it happens at a news-cycle hysteria background rate

too rare to worry about but fast enough to produce an occasional hysteria-fanning story over the entire country, from somewhere

like vicious dog deaths, at twelve a year.

you hear about each one.

the actual personal risk is in hit-by-asteroid territory.

Dotson said it was the first shark attack off Seaside in his 26 years with the department.

Scientists Target Tree-Killing Beetle

scientists target violence-reducing beetle

Ash trees are also valued for wildlife food and their strong wood used for furniture and baseball bats.

California City Swaps Gifts for Guns

sheriff saw it on TV

tv is the source of most persistent but bad ideas

a really bad idea takes help from tv

"The only reason you'd have these guns is to shoot at people," said sheriff's Deputy A.J. Rotella, who came up with the Gifts for Guns concept.

if a burgler breaks in, throw a gift at him and wait for the sheriff

Pa. Community Celebrates Festivus

birth of TV celebrated

ERIE, Pa. -- The celebration of Festivus is alive and well in northwestern Pennsylvania, nearly a decade after the bizarre "holiday" garnered pop culture notoriety on "Seinfeld."

Twentysomethings Seeking Eternal Youth

not enough of them reading newspapers

try a new approach

next week, stupid pills so you can be more like teens

CHICAGO -- Forget "40 is the new 30." Now even twentysomethings are joining the quest for eternal youth by using anti-aging products and wrinkle treatments.

NORAD Marks 50th Year of Tracking Santa

infantilizing the public for 50 years

a tradition continued by the mainstream media in every news story

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. -- For half a century, the military agency dedicated to detecting threats against the United States and Canada has reported Santa's sleigh ride to curious youngsters around the world.

Boys Choir of Harlem Faces Eviction by NYC

will join national basketball association

NEW YORK -- The world-renown Boys Choir of Harlem, struggling under millions of dollars of debts and allegations that its founder ignored reports of sexual abuse, is being evicted by the city.

Hundreds Hear 'Illicit' Mass in St. Louis

nobody listens to archbishops after they're no longer allowed to kill people

ST. LOUIS -- At least 1,500 people attended Christmas Eve Mass presided by an excommunicated Roman Catholic priest, despite warnings from the archbishop that participating would be a mortal sin.

New Year's Day 2006: delayed by a second

reporter believes it's the waves breaking

actually it's running the moon further out in orbit

angular momentum conservation is not suitable for women's ears, even if it's simple

a lot simpler than a mysterious mechanism from waves breaking to earth rotation

maybe it's like your period, you feel sluggish

Although it is possible to have a negative leap second -- that is, a second deducted from Coordinated Universal Time -- so far all have been add-ons, reflecting the Earth's general slowing trend due to tidal breaking.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Mormons Honor Church Founder's Birthday

wrapped in long underwear

SHARON, Vt. -- Faithful Mormons on Friday celebrated the bicentennial anniversary of the birth of Joseph Smith, the founder of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, one of the fastest-growing religions in the world.

Christmas Just Another Day for Inmate Moms

sad story settled on

where to go, where to go...

aha, a women's prison

women love it

HAWKINSVILLE, Ga. -- For inmate Chartisia Jackson, Christmas came early and lasted only a few hours. It was when her two young sons, 8-year-old Darion and 7-year-old Jeremy, came to visit.

Artifacts From Memphis Bordellos Found

the bordello tribe

MEMPHIS, Tenn. -- Near the blues clubs in the city's famed tourist district, archaeologists have turned up remains of bordellos that once dotted Beale Street.

Woman Swallows Cell Phone After Argument

unreasonable woman news

BLUE SPRINGS, Mo. -- A lovers' dispute over a cell phone ended suddenly when the woman swallowed the phone whole, police said.

Unvaccinated Rabies Survivor Thrives

to-bite list made

The teenager, who is the world's only known unvaccinated human rabies survivor, is regaining her ability to walk and talk. She has returned to school, and has plans to return to the volleyball team next year and eventually, attend college.

NYT: NSA Spying Broader Than Bush Admitted

teapot rattled again by NYT

NEW YORK -- The National Security Agency has conducted much broader surveillance of e-mails and phone calls _ without court orders _ than the Bush administration has acknowledged, The New York Times reported on its Web site.

Alito Defended Ordering Domestic Wiretaps

Reagan derangement syndrome echo

WASHINGTON -- Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito defended the right of government officials to order domestic wiretaps for national security when he worked at the Reagan Justice Department, an echo of President Bush's rationale for spying on U.S. residents in the war on terror

Military School Sexual Harassment Persists

men revealed to be pigs

Up to 6 percent of the women at the Army, Navy and Air Force academies said they experienced sexual assault during the 2004-2005 school year, and about half or more said they were sexually harassed, according to a survey released Friday by the Pentagon.

White House Issues Tsunami Alert Plan

common sense deprecated

"If it's voluntary, five years from now it's gone. There's no pressure. You have to have a string attached," he said. 'We really need to think about what we can do to maintain tsunami readiness at the local level, because a tsunami is not going to happen so often."

Alito Examined Rehnquist Ethics Questions

smoking gun update

WASHINGTON -- Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito was called on 20 years ago to address possible ethics concerns over then-Justice William H. Rehnquist's book deal.

NIH Medical Safety Officer Reinstated

scientific misconduct misinterpreted as sexual harassment

The National Institutes of Health's reinstatement of Dr. Jonathan Fishbein settles a two-year battle that prompted investigations into allegations of scientific misconduct and sexual harassment in federal AIDS research.

Man Jailed for Over a Year Saw No Lawyer

an ideal prisoner

"I said, 'Man, why don't you call your people?' He said, 'Nah, I don't want to bother them with anything,'" Brooks said.

Holiday Travelers to Face Crowded Roads

the roust takes on manic tones.

on the other hand it's good employment for the mentally ill, especially in management.

"Doing this is a way of adding unpredictability to the screening process in order to deter terrorist attacks," Transportation Security Administration spokeswoman Jennifer Peppin said Wednesday in a cell-phone interview from Seattle-Tacoma International Airport.

4 Men Arrested in Stolen Explosives Case

enough for a year of bass fishing

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. -- Authorities arrested four men and were searching for one more person in connection with the theft of 400 pounds of explosives _ enough to flatten a large building _ from a storage depot.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Kerry Calls Bush Spying Defense 'Lame'

differently-abled, he means

BOSTON -- Domestic spying authorized by the White House "doesn't uphold our Constitution" and President Bush's defense of the practice is "lame," Sen. John Kerry said Tuesday.

Study Documents Menopause in Gorillas

ex-boyfriends blamed

CHICAGO -- Jenny, Shamba, Timbo, Beta and Elaine are zoo gorillas, but they have something in common with millions of women: They have undergone menopause.

Many Teens Would Flunk Treadmill Tests

it's like comfort in car ads.

fitness exists and is whatever it is the test says it is.

as you can see, we are measuring it.

we do the measuring activities.

we have meters.

fitness is to good health as phlogison is to fire, namely whatever it is that causes it.

it's called reification.

scientists do it all the time.

About 14 percent of the adults showed a poor level of fitness,

Moose Captured After Son Plays Saxophone

saxophoneists are people too

Veterinarian Dayton Williams of Sioux Falls brought down the animal with a tranquilizer gun around 1:30 p.m. Tuesday as it moved through snow-covered corn stubble near Interstate 29, south of Sioux Falls.

Judge Strikes Down Cigarette Fee in Minn.

tax doctor's visits

Lawmakers had been counting on more than $400 million over two years from the "health impact fee."

Cheney Says President Has Spying Authority

spying is relegated to the states

"I think the vice president ought to reread the Constitution," said Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass.

Okla. Woman Has 14-Pound, 3-Ounce Baby

i'd look at how the baby got in there

McALESTER, Okla. -- Hospital officials at McAlester Regional Health Center say a 14-pound, 3-ounce baby delivered there is the largest ever born at the hospital.

Crowd Gathers in L.A. for Williams Funeral

deaf gang members

Under heavy police presence, mourners including gang members flashing hand signs waited in line to enter the 1,500-seat Bethel AME Church for a ceremony that stretched more than four hours.

Wife of Joel Osteen Asked to Leave Plane

stewardess catfight!

an eastern stewardess got in trouble for calling CAB commissioner a bitch. she claimed in her defense that she had said ``witch.''

that was about the no-smoking area

HOUSTON -- The wife of the pastor of the nation's largest church was asked to leave a plane after she failed to comply with a flight attendant's instructions, the FBI said Tuesday.

Donors Underwrite DeLay's Deluxe Lifestyle

makes more than reporters

WASHINGTON -- As Tom DeLay became a king of campaign fundraising, he lived like one too. He visited cliff-top Caribbean resorts, golf courses designed by PGA champions and four-star restaurants _ all courtesy of donors who bankrolled his political money empire.

NTSB: Plane Crashed After Wing Fell Off

the wing doesn't fall off.

the rest of the airplane falls off.

these stupid reporters think like women.

MIAMI BEACH, Fla. -- The deadly crash of a seaplane shortly after takeoff was apparently caused by the right wing breaking off during flight, investigators said Tuesday.

Judge Rules Against Pa. Biology Curriculum

church of england not heard from

HARRISBURG, Pa. -- In one of the biggest courtroom clashes between faith and evolution since the 1925 Scopes Monkey Trial, a federal judge barred a Pennsylvania public school district Tuesday from teaching "intelligent design" in biology class, saying the concept is creationism in disguise.

Jet With Problem Lands Safely in Boston

another disappointment

Sparks could be seen coming from an area near the right landing gear as the aircraft landed just before 10 p.m., but the plane rolled to a stop without incident.

Boston Herald Appeals $2.1M Libel Decision

might have been a joke about hysteria

comes from Gk hysteron, uterus

A jury in February found that the newspaper libeled Superior Court Judge Ernest B. Murphy in articles that portrayed him as lenient toward defendants and quoted him making insensitive comments about a 14-year-old rape victim.

Doctor Charged for Giving Weed Killer

the ``caught a bug'' cliche

``eradicating cancer'' is about roots

doctors are no smarter than anybody else

ATLANTA -- Federal prosecutors say a doctor treated patients with cancer and other life-threatening diseases with weed killer and insecticide.

Hurricane Katrina Hit As Category 3, Not 4

the cheapest fix is use some other classification system

Taylor said the levees that protect New Orleans was built before the creation of the Saffir-Simpson scale of classifying hurricanes, so different parts of the system protect against varying levels of wind speed, storm surge and barometric pressure

Ex-Boyfriend Is Suspect in Dancer's Slaying

the story-of-the-day strike tie-in

NEW YORK -- A former boyfriend of a slain topless dancer was declared the prime suspect in the case, his arrest delayed only because the transit strike Tuesday prevented a grand jury from being seated.

Rock Slide Destroys Bank in Pelham, N.Y.

some societies use rocks as currency

PELHAM, N.Y. -- A rock slide into the back of a building Tuesday demolished at least three businesses, including a bank branch that had opened the day before.

Jeb Bush Signs Bill Banning Lobbyist Gifts

integrity does without signals except in politics

Bush said the new law moves Florida from the middle nationally to "the front of the pack in terms of sending a signal on integrity."

Court Fines NYC Transit Union $1M a Day

grinding to a halt is what transportation systems do

no reporter can resist it

The nation's biggest mass-transit system ground to a halt after 3 a.m., when the union called the strike after a late round of negotiations with the Metropolitan Transportation Authority broke down.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Ga. Woman Says Teen Groom Wooed Her

teen groom woo moot

The boy, who had been on probation on an unrelated burglary charge, was ordered Monday to return to juvenile detention after relatives he was living with said they could not handle him.

Two Dead in Chicago Construction Accident

non-union workers

CHICAGO -- A concrete slab crashed through the roof Monday of a building under construction on the city's South Side, crushing two workers to death, authorities said.

College Class President Charged in Robbery

reframe as social disaster to hook women, our readers

BETHLEHEM, Pa. -- As Lehigh University students prepared for final exams this week, they found themselves grappling with the news that the sophomore class president had been arrested for allegedly robbing a bank.

Legislation for Black Belt Agency on Hold

asian communities, you'd think

WASHINGTON -- An effort to create an agency to boost poor, predominantly black counties in the South is stuck in legislative limbo partly because of Hurricane Katrina, which further devastated many of the areas the agency would help.

Crips Gang Co-Founder Executed in Calif.

a short soap episode is given its meaning

but eternal frustration is the heart of soap

SAN QUENTIN, Calif. -- Convicted killer Stanley Tookie Williams, the Crips gang co-founder whose case stirred a national debate about capital punishment and the possibility of redemption, was executed Tuesday morning.

$1 Billion Windfall Key in Transit Talks

nothing some broken kneecaps can't fix

The union is demanding 8 percent raises, saying the 3 percent is a starting point. President Roger Toussaint said the other aspects of the MTA's offer "insult" the workers who run the city's subways and buses.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

NYC Transit Union Authorizes Subway Strike

everybody roots for crippling strikes

best of all is when the outfit struck goes bankrupt and throws all the workers out

let them starve

a satisfying outcome seldom attained in transit strikes however

politicians are even dumber than unions

reagan managed it with the air traffic controllers, but that's about the last case

NEW YORK -- New York City transit workers voted Saturday to authorize a strike that could shut down bus and subway service at the height of the holiday shopping season.

Government Tests Readiness for Pandemic

keeps the elephants away

WASHINGTON -- After role-playing an outbreak of pandemic flu, federal officials said Saturday that saving lives and containing the economic damage will require more planning in local communities and increased production of vaccines and medications.

Gradeschoolers Learning on Handhelds

boys meanwhile were visiting porn sites and passing notes

boys do not stay inside the press release

OLATHE, Kan. -- Aesop's fables came beaming across the classroom and landed in Eva Hernandez's Palm handheld. On the bottom floor of Ridgeview Elementary School, she sat scrolling, using her stylus to navigate through through "The Flies and the Honeypot."

Ky. Police Stop Van, Find Boy at the Wheel

turkey not carved at the joints

The children were taken by social services. Waters, meanwhile, faces several charges, including resisting arrest, carrying a concealed deadly weapon, leaving the scene of an accident and driving under the influence.

'Integrity' Tops Web Dictionary's Lookups

press release from web site printed in return for story material

But topping the list is a word that some say gives insight into the country's collective concern about its values: Integrity.

Fewer Breast Cancer Patients to Get Chemo

tide brings press release

reporter gets out thesaurus

``how can we fix this thing''

SAN ANTONIO -- For years, doctors have known exactly what to do with breast cancer patients like Eva Ossorio: Poison them. Blasting women with toxic chemicals was considered the best way to save their lives. The bigger the cancer or the more it had spread, the more vile liquid doctors pumped into their veins to try to kill it. But there's been a sea change in the last year.

Jeep Overturns, Killing Three Miss. Teens

teens are dangerously top-heavy

JACKSON, Miss. -- A Jeep carrying four teenagers leaving a high school football game overturned early Saturday, killing three young women in the car.

Long-Lost Time Capsule Found in Hawaii

long-lost in what sense is itself lost

nobody was missing it

you can see why

HONOLULU -- Using radar equipment along a wall of a landmark Hawaiian building, military specialists Saturday quickly located a time capsule buried more than a century ago by King Kamehameha V.

Historians knew the capsule contained priceless pieces of the islands' history, including photos of royal families dating back to Kamehameha the Great and a constitution of the Hawaiian Kingdom. But until now the capsule's exact location was unknown.

"We found it within the first 10 minutes we were here," said Larry Conyers, a University of Denver professor who used ground penetrating radar to find the hollow spot in the northeast corner of the Aliiolani Hale building.

"It never happens like this," he said.

The capsule was left undisturbed. Digging it up would destroy the building above, which is also a historic treasure, experts said.

As Boomers Age, Legacy Doubts Surface

story desperation displayed

NEW YORK -- They partied and protested, then grew up to dominate America with their chutzpah and sheer numbers. Yet now, as the oldest of the baby boomers prepare to turn 60, there are glimmers of doubt within this "have it all" generation about how they will be judged by those who come next.

Katrina Deaths Lead to Real-Life 'CSI'

reporter enamored of tv just like the readers

it must be tv

NEW ORLEANS -- While hundreds drowned in Hurricane Katrina's filthy floodwaters, at least 21 people died more mysteriously. From unexplained gunshot wounds to stabbings and fatal blows to the head, these unidentified victims are now the main characters in a real-life version of "CSI."

New Jersey Bear Hunt Ends With 280 Kills

threatening the homeless

Black bears, once near extinction in the state, are now a common sight, menacing people, scampering through yards and rummaging in trash.

1968 Presidential Upstart McCarthy Dies

warehoused obit of a warehoused mccarthy.

McCarthy died in his sleep at assisted living home in the Georgetown neighborhood where he had lived for the past few years, said his son, Michael.

Reverse Thrusters Eyed in Midway Accident

hard to translate back from mandatory newspaper -gibberish. (you don't want to offend women readers with correct detail.)

probably the thrust reversers were armed to go off automatically on touchdown, and did not do so (or they were not in fact armed), and the pilots deployed them manually after a fatal confusion-delay.

you can't tell if the ``brakes'' were the wheel brakes or wheel brakes plus thrust reversers.

CHICAGO -- The reverse thrusters that should have slowed a Southwest Airlines jetliner before it slid off a runway and into a busy street didn't immediately kick in when the pilots tried to deploy them, federal investigators said Saturday after interviewing the crew.

The flight attendants said they could tell the Boeing 737 wasn't slowing after it touched down in the snow Thursday evening, and the pilots said they applied the brakes manually as soon as they realized something was wrong, said Robert Benzon, National Transportation Safety Board investigator in charge.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Alarm over a Dramatic Weakening of the Gulf Stream

all bases covered

The powerful ocean current that bathes Britain and northern Europe in warm waters from the tropics has weakened dramatically in recent years, a consequence of global warming that could trigger more severe winters and cooler summers across the region, scientists warn today.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Feingold: U.S. Due for 'Cheesehead' Prez

or we could get an asshole

A cheesehead is a native or resident of Wisconsin, a leading dairy state. The term also refers to the yellow "cheese" wedges worn on the heads of Green Bay Packers football fans.

Global Work Force Helps Fed on Inflation

true but bad analysis

the fed can stop inflation with or without global workers by doing its job of adjusting the money supply

it avoids crippling the economy though if there are global workers willing to take dollars at full value

the real story is that the dollar does not fall against foreign currencies

if that happened, the same price rise that they claim is avoided, would happen

leading to the same necessity of tightening the screws to prevent inflation

Adding all those workers to the global economy has made the Federal Reserve's inflation-fighting job easier by increasing competition. That has helped hold down labor costs _ the biggest single expense for employers _ and, as a result, prices.

Two Congressmen Hurt in Iraq Vehicle Flip

good news would be fatalities

BAGHDAD, Iraq -- A military vehicle carrying three congressmen overturned on the way to the Baghdad airport, injuring two of them, the U.S. Embassy said Sunday.

Katrina Victim Finally Gets Proper Burial

that's a car victim, not a katrina victim

look both ways before crossing the street

the real news is that there were cars in new orleans

Smith, 66, was struck by a car as she made her way to a grocery in New Orleans after the hurricane hit. Her common-law husband, C.N. Keene, placed a bedspread over her body. Someone later spray painted the words, "Here lies Vera. God help us" on the sheet, and a man built a short wall of bricks around her body.

Tropical Storm Delta Gains Strength

good news and bad news

MIAMI -- Tropical Storm Delta gained strength in the central Atlantic on Sunday but was expected to weaken before reaching the Canary Islands, forecasters said.

Chicago Man Accused of Kidnap for Ritual


Police found the girl unharmed at Rodriguez's home, and they arrested Rodriguez when he returned with candles and incense.

2nd Time Reporter to Testify in Leak Case

not nice to fool mother nature

WASHINGTON -- A second Time magazine reporter has agreed to cooperate in the CIA leak case and will testify about her discussions with Karl Rove's attorney, a sign that prosecutors are still exploring charges against the White House aide.

Blizzards, Accidents Slow Holiday Travel

the time to tickle a lizard
is before or right after a blizzard

Theodore Roethke

apparently avalanches didn't figure in, nor wildfires

DENVER -- The trip home after Thanksgiving was slow going for many travelers Sunday as blizzard conditions wreaked havoc from Colorado to the Midwest.

Ariz. Van Crash Kills Two, Injures Five

the real news is that it involved neither mexicans nor church groups

like a tornado missing a trailer park

PHOENIX -- A van carrying a magazine sales crew on a trip to the Grand Canyon overturned on a busy interstate north of Phoenix Sunday, killing two people and critically injuring five others, authorities said.

Man Accused of Killing 4 Family Members

he may have snapped

it happens all the time

MYAKKA CITY, Fla. -- A 20-year-old man was arrested Sunday in the slayings of his parents, younger brother and elderly grandmother, whose bodies were found bludgeoned to death in the family home, authorities said.

One Killed As Tornadoes Rake Arkansas

3,000 homes without dogs under the porch, another statistic

At least 7,500 homes were without power across Arkansas, Entergy spokesman James Thompson said.

Man, Pregnant Woman Die in Calif. Bus Flip

``woman's son, pregnant woman die'' would get even more women

``tree prevents bus plunge'' would get environmentalists

``crash photos page four'' would get men

SANTA MARIA, Calif. -- A Greyhound bus drifted off a freeway, rolled and then slid at least 100 yards on its side before hitting a tree Sunday, killing a pregnant woman and another passenger, authorities said.

U.S. Farmers Use Pesticide Despite Treaty

it's a mistake to negotiate with insects

WATSONVILLE, Calif. -- Shoppers rifle through store shelves brimming with succulent tomatoes and plump strawberries, hoping to enjoy one last round of fresh fruit before the Western growing season ends. There is no hint of a dark side to the blaze of red.

Inner Cities Continue to Hemorrhage Jobs

laws against robbery would help too

But, Sullivan said, many communities could do more to remove local barriers to development, such as cumbersome regulations.

Comeback Hard for New Orleans' Restaurants

an everybody-sad story

with esoteric reference to overpriced menu items

then there's PC, none of wm. kerrigan's proposed truck driver line, ``how long have you been a server, honey?''

These days, instead of serving up shrimp remoulade and trout meuniere, owners are installing new coolers, fixing roofs and trying to replace wait staffs and cooks.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Seattle Monorail Trains Clip Each Other

mile high reporter reports family tragedy, the women's angle on any mishap

SEATTLE -- John Gahagan was riding the monorail with his family when the sliding door was ripped off of their train car, breaking a window and showering his two children in glass.

The train had clipped the monorail's only other train on a curve in the tracks Sunday evening, forcing the evacuation of 84 passengers from the mile-high, 43-year-old elevated line between downtown and the Seattle Center.

Believers Flock to 'Crying' Virgin Mary

the horoscope audience is big

Since then, Truong said he has been at the church day and night, so emotional he can't even work. He believes the tears are a sign.

"There's a big event in the future _ earthquake, flood, a disease," Truong said. "We're very sad."

Friday, November 25, 2005

Katrina Survivors More Thankful Than Ever

what crime gets a reporter assigned to this story

reporter : for heaven's sake, do i have to write this glop?

editor : i'm afraid you do

publisher : this is what we call women's material, and women's eyeballs are what we sell.

NEW ORLEANS -- With her apron on, Nelle Hill looked the part of the Thanksgiving Day cook, but with no power, no refrigerator and few ingredients, all she could come up with were grilled cheese sandwiches with bacon.

Sheehan Back in Texas for War Protest

just-add-water story ingredients

CRAWFORD, Texas -- The fallen soldier's mother whose August vigil near President Bush's ranch reinvigorated the anti-war movement returned to Texas to resume her protest Thursday as the president celebrated Thanksgiving a few miles away.

Traffic Trapped Cars on Ill. Train Tracks

meanwhile back at the railroad , a position is staked out

i'd have gone with the omlette and broken eggs position myself.

it has the advantage of being true.

A Metra spokesman said the vehicles shouldn't have been in the train's path in the first place. A large sign above the tracks reads: "Long crossing. Do not stop on the tracks."

"It's right above the gate" said Metra spokesman Patrick Waldron. "If you followed that sign you wouldn't have been on the tracks."

Traffic Trapped Cars on Ill. Train Tracks

NTSB thinking out loud

"The cars were in a place they shouldn't have been at the time," Rosenker said. He said the train hit them because they had nowhere to go.

Alito Often Defers to Religious Groups

kindergartner browbeaten into unlikely thanks

Hausknecht cites, for instance, Alito opinions that allowed Child Evangelism Fellowship to provide information on after-school meetings on the same terms as secular groups, and that saw violation of a kindergartner's rights when a school removed his Thanksgiving poster that was thankful for Jesus.

Sisters 'Fine' After Parade Accident

$100,000 penthouse magazine offer made

NEW YORK -- The two sisters injured because of an unwieldy giant balloon in Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade are "doing just fine," and the family doesn't plan to sue over the incident, their father said.

Thanksgiving 2005 Tempered by War, Storms

a ``who-reads-this-crap'' lede

women, that's who

MESQUITE, Texas -- Ricky Bridges stared in disbelief at his brother's dining room on Thanksgiving Day. He wasn't just awed by the homemade desserts placed on a card table that was fast running out of space for food.

Philippines Officers' Club Moves to Fla.

alcohol-free, i'd imagine

It'd be easy to think the Cubi Bar was back at its home base in the Philippines. But this officers' club that served decades of squadrons is now at home serving military personnel and visitors at the Pensacola Naval Air Station.

French Ties to La. Strengthen After Storms

official language of dysfunctional welfare-state the world over

"Even among those who don't really comprehend and have not supported the ties between France and Louisiana, it seems to be understood, if only at a subconscious level, that Louisiana's uniqueness is its Frenchness and its ties to the Francophone world," said Warren Perrin, president of the Council for Development of French in Louisiana.

Ill. Lawmaker Keeps in Touch With Voters

that'll work

The freshman Democrat, who unseated 35-year Republican Rep. Phil Crane last year by depicting him as out of touch with voters, employs a rarely used method to make sure she remains in touch: automated phone calls.

Study: More CO2 Now Than Last 650K Years

press release is an important part of science today

funding and prestige are on the line

our understanding has been improved so many times that you wonder about the previous press release about improved understanding

it must have been really bad understanding once

yet there was a crisis even then, the same crisis.

why? because funding is the entire point

improved understanding is what brings money

so improved understanding is what you get.

peer review worked, when it used to work, by curiosity.

some old fart is actually interested in this or that result, and doubts it, or sees a problem with it, and looks into it.

no committee is involved

no funding

just curiosity.

which is lacking today entirely ; everything refers to previous committees and consensus.

you get these referrals precisely because they cut out curiosity.

nobody can be interested in it.

there's nothing to be curious about.

functioning peer review is killed entirely.

so you get what you always get with social organizations

the organization always perpetuates itself.

intra-system goals come first.

hence press releases.

The study by the European Project for Ice Coring in Antarctica, published Friday in the journal Science, promises to spur "dramatically improved understanding" of climate change, said geosciences specialist Edward Brook of Oregon State University.

N.M. Gov Admits He Wasn't Baseball Pick

A ``whom of respect'' should be used when referring to dead people

He insisted his name appeared on "a draft list of some kind" created by the Los Angeles Dodgers and Pittsburgh Pirates. He named team scouts, whom he said told him that he "would or could" be drafted. The scouts have since died.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Pardoned Turkey Is Going to Disneyland

traditional AP holiday apostrophe

After the reprieve on the White House lawn, the turkey and it's alternate will be given a police escort to a Washington-area airport.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Democrat Calls Bush Fiscal Policy Reckless

press release misunderstanding suspected

WASHINGTON -- Calling the Bush administration's fiscal policies reckless and broken, Rep. Dennis Cardoza, D-Calif., urged the federal government on Saturday to rein in spending.

Lawmakers Face Difficult Budget Talks

moderates against oil exploration stand united

For starters, the budget plan passed only after GOP leaders jettisoned a contentious plan to allow oil exploration in an Alaskan wilderness area. By doing so, they sidestepped a threat by about two dozen moderates to defeat the budget measure over that issue alone.

Iraq Pullout Rejected in Rancorous Vote

everybody pretty much agreed not to pull out, would be the title

WASHINGTON -- The Republican-controlled House spurned calls for an immediate pullout of troops from Iraq in a vote hastily arranged by the GOP that Democrats vociferously denounced as politically motivated.

Calif. Wildfire Is 60 Percent Contained

in the spring they do wildflower stories and nobody notices

weed pandemic looms

VENTURA, Calif. -- Aided by an ocean breeze, firefighters on Saturday began to get the upper hand on a 3,700-acre wildfire burning in the steep hills above this picturesque oceanfront city.

One Killed As Wis. Hunting Season Opens

not to mention inter-species tensions

a tense hunting season opening story

no hunters outside enjoying themselves in this story

BLACK EARTH, Wis. -- A hunter was fatally shot by a colleague, and a juvenile accidentally shot himself Saturday as Wisconsin's deer hunting season opened amid racial tensions stemming from last year's deadly attack on a group of hunters.

Jewish Leader Blasts 'Religious Right'

another soul saved

HOUSTON -- The leader of the largest branch of American Judaism blasted conservative religious activists in a speech Saturday, calling them "zealots" who claim a "monopoly on God" while promoting anti-gay policies akin to Adolf Hitler's.

Past Yields Few Clues for Predicting Flu

it's worse than we thought! a nobody-knows news emergency, good for many story cycles.

look for ``looms'' a lot.

"My crystal ball doesn't allow me to answer that," said Dr. Frederick Hayden, a University of Virginia flu expert.

Pa. Teen Attends Slain Parents' Funeral

if there's a white ribbon on your mailbox, the tooth fairy passes you by.

everything has significance in soap opera.

the pathetic fallacy, as it's aptly named.

you didn't see romeo and juliet in any chapel honoring their parents' memory in the old days when soap opera was decent literature.

LITITZ, Pa. -- Kara Borden sat with her four siblings in the chapel of Lancaster Bible College for her parents' funeral on Saturday. On the Bordens' street, white ribbons were affixed to mailboxes to honor their memory.

32 U.S. Students Chosen As Rhodes Scholars

it's sort of like going into journalism

Among the winners was Elizabeth W. Mayne, 23, a senior at Stanford University majoring in biology with a focus in biochemistry and biophysics.

Besides studying cell cycle regulation, Mayne has spent time setting up workshops on Shakespeare for underprivileged students in the San Francisco Bay area.

"I was really stunned," the Denver native said after learning she had been chosen. "It was such a tremendously qualified and amazing group of people, so I was really just honored to meet them."

Mayne said she plans to study physiology at Oxford. She said she then plans to pursue a doctorate and medical degree and "hopefully contribute to the cure of diseases."

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Rising Sea Levels Threaten New Jersey - Study

tone-deaf press release

even people in New Jersey think : good

PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - Rising sea levels caused by global warming could shrink New Jersey by up to 3 percent in the next 100 years, U.S. scientists warned on Wednesday.

Tornadoes Barrel Across Midwest, Southeast

worst thing you can do

Brenda Magee, who lives in Paris, was just arriving at work at a furniture factory when the storm system hit.

New Orleans Has First Post-Katrina Slaying

return to normalcy

NEW ORLEANS -- A woman was stabbed to death in what police say is the first slaying in the city since Hurricane Katrina.

Teen Returns to Pa. to Face Murder Charges

a romeo and juliet story

He is suspected of shooting Kara's parents, both 50, in their Lititz home early Sunday after an argument over the teens' relationship.

Senate to Take Up Pension Plans' Future

how about don't drive the company you work for into bankruptcy with pension demands no matter what the union tells you

WASHINGTON -- The Senate faces far-reaching legislation to ensure the future viability of company-based pension plans after hearing that the agency charged with insuring those benefits is carrying a $22.8 billion deficit.

Ex-Rep. Seeks to Reclaim Indiana Seat

unable to find job

"The call to public service is stronger than the politics of fear," Hill said as he announced his campaign Tuesday at Bloomington City Hall. "I'm going to take back this seat in the 9th District."

Post's Woodward Testifies in CIA Leak

just six degrees of separation from nixon news

WASHINGTON -- Washington Post editor Bob Woodward testified that a senior Bush administration official told him about CIA operative Valerie Plame about a month before her identity was publicly exposed, the Post acknowledged Wednesday.

Top Senate Democrat Concerned About Alito

top senate democrat is like black leader : clowns and buffoons

yet they take their press releases

WASHINGTON -- Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid on Wednesday said he has "significant concerns" about Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito, calling President Bush's latest choice one of the most conservative judges in the United States.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Grizzlies Near Yellowstone May Lose Status

honor killings. grizzly society is like arab culture.

WASHINGTON -- Hunters eventually could be allowed to kill grizzly bears in three states if the government is successful in removing federal protections.

Puget Sound Orcas to Be on Endangered List

no more orcas in chicken gumbo soup

SEATTLE -- In a victory for environmentalists, the federal government listed Puget Sound's killer whales as an endangered species Tuesday, giving the animals the highest protection available under the law.

Suspected Va. 'Cell Phone Bandit' Arrested

confusion of suspect and robber

Security cameras filmed the suspect walking up to tellers and handing them a note demanding cash _ all while appearing to be chatting on her cell phone.

Search Continues for Escaped Iowa Convicts

there actually is no search but the template is that there is a search and it's ongoing, like when you misplace your keys

it's as if you put your keys on a list of things missing and called it searching

IOWA CITY, Iowa -- Authorities searched on Tuesday for two convicted murderers who escaped from the Iowa State Penitentary by using a homemade grappling hook to scale an unguarded section of the prison's limestone walls.

Mont. Holds First Bison Hunt in 15 Years

reporter buys a buffalo in a poke

GARDINER, Mont. -- Montana's first bison hunt in 15 years opened at sunrise Tuesday, with a 17-year-old boy bagging the first buffalo within 90 minutes.

FEMA to Stop Funding Hotel Rooms Dec. 1

free money attracts free money recipients

WASHINGTON -- FEMA will stop paying for hotel rooms for most evacuees of hurricanes Katrina and Rita on Dec. 1, officials said Tuesday as the agency pushed victims to find more stable housing.

'Promise Broken': N.Y. to Lose 9/11 Aid

it's for the children. try that line.

WASHINGTON -- Congressional budget negotiators have decided to take back $125 million in Sept. 11 aid from New York, which had fought to keep the money to treat sick and injured ground zero workers, lawmakers said Tuesday.

Bush Urges China to Grant More Freedoms

US freedoms are granted by congress

KYOTO, Japan -- President Bush prodded China on Wednesday to grant more political freedom to its 1.3 billion people and held up rival Taiwan as an example of a society that has successfully moved from repression to democracy.

NTSB: Runway Safety Needs Improvement

eyeballs not considered

WASHINGTON -- Airline pilots need better warning systems to avoid collisions at increasingly crowded airports, federal accident investigators said Tuesday in announcing transportation safety priorities.

Court: Indian Money Accounting Impossible

judge bribed with shiny beads and trinkets

WASHINGTON -- A federal appeals court decided Tuesday that it was unreasonable to require a detailed historical accounting of money the government has been managing for American Indians, saying the bookkeeping chore would "take 200 years."

Report: Ex-Broadcasting Chairman Broke Law

that'll work

The corporation _ which funnels hundreds of millions of federal dollars to National Public Radio, the Public Broadcasting Service and noncommercial radio and television stations _ was created by Congress in the late 1960s to shield public broadcasting from political influence.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Women May Enjoy Humor More, if It's Funny

``while'' ha ha

Reiss' team studied the response of 10 women and 10 men to 70 black-and-while cartoons, asking them to rate the jokes for how funny they were.

Man Charged With Killing Alleged Attacker

the judy garland defense

PHILADELPHIA -- A young man was charged with stabbing to death one of four teenagers who allegedly attacked him and taunted him because he is gay.

Man Killed Walking Home After Party

killed by a deer would be a better story

SULTAN, Wash. -- A man walking home after his 55th birthday party because friends and family believed he was too drunk to drive was struck and killed by another vehicle, police said.

Doubts Raised About Toilet-Seat Case

superglue accidents come in threes

DENVER -- A man who sued Home Depot last month claiming a prank left him glued to a toilet seat made a similar allegation about another restroom more than a year ago, an official told a newspaper.

Bush aides sent to ethics classes

good trick for ethics classes your business sends you to :

immediately raise your hand and ask if it's ever okay to tell a lie.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President George W. Bush's chief of staff Andrew Card and other top White House officials started attending classes on ethics and the handling of classified information on Tuesday in response to the indictment of a top aide in the CIA leak investigation.

GOP Lawmakers Voice Qualms About Flu Plan

qualms and a fever. get lots of rest. it will go away in five days.

WASHINGTON -- President Bush's proposal to spend $7.1 billion for flu pandemic preparedness could run into problems in the House, where some Democrats contend it shortchanges states and some Republicans say it's too expensive.

Oregon Foursome Claims $340M in Lottery

dollar a year for 340M years

They arrived at lottery headquarters to have the ticket verified and decide whether they wanted the money in an after-tax lump sum of $110 million, or 30 annual installments of about $7.6 million.

FCC Clarifies VoIP Disconnection Deadline

not thought through completely

The Federal Communications Commission won't require Internet phone service providers to cut off customers who don't have reliable 911 emergency call service.

Urbina Arrested in Attempted Murder Case

switch to ice hockey

"This, of course, can in some way hurt his career as a professional ballplayer, and all will depend on the way in which he is brought before justice," defense lawyer Jose Luis Tamayo said.

Another Lawyer in Saddam Trial Gunned Down

like everyone else, i say ``good'' when i hear a lawyer was gunned down.

the only thing better is a reporter gunned down.

stories that make your day.

i imagine they can try hussein just fine without reporters who are trying to sell their overhyped hysterical stories to the jaded soap opera audience, the only audience they can hold.

Gunmen in a speeding car killed a defense lawyer in the Saddam Hussein trial and wounded another Tuesday, raising doubts about whether the prosecution of the ousted leader can proceed amid the insurgency and domestic turmoil.

Poll: Libby Indictment Hits Major Nerve

dental hygiene allegory

there is no nerve that was struck. it's a figure of speech. the story is about a figure of speech.

The recent indictment of Vice President Cheney's top aide has struck a nerve with the American public.

Today's Voting Could Be Test for GOP

no-story story.

could-be news, a division of braces-news, a division of looms-news

Voters in New Jersey and Virginia picked governors Tuesday after high- spending, mean-spirited campaigns that were closely watched by political analysts for signs of the public's mood ahead of next year's midterm elections.

France Braces for 13th Night of Violence

all the news that isn't news yet.

bracing-news, a division of looms-news.

President Jacques Chirac declared a 12-day state of emergency Tuesday, paving the way for curfews to be imposed on riot-hit cities and towns in an extraordinary measure to halt France's worst civil unrest in nearly four decades.

Pentagon: Detainees Must Be Treated Well

no!! please! anything but the doggie torture!

Thrown on the defensive by abuse of prisoners in Iraq and Guantanamo Bay, the Pentagon has issued a broad new directive mandating that detainees be treated humanely and has banned the use of dogs to intimidate or harass suspects.

Gonorrhea Rates Fall but Other STDs Rise

had to do with wanting tinkerbell to live.

i, for one did not applaud, but tinkerbell lived anyway.

About 330,000 cases of gonorrhea _ once known as "the clap" _ were reported in 2004.

Three Said Hurt in Tenn. School Shooting

play down three hurt not children.

parents rush etc.

my high school had a rifle range, and competition with other high schools. on any given day, there were students on the bus with rifles, transporting them home or to school, if there was rifle practice. nobody thought anything of it.

what wild west was this? hillside, nj 1959

it wouldn't sell today. hysteria needed to hold audience.

Three administrators were shot and wounded at a high school Tuesday, and a student was arrested, school officials said.

The victims' conditions were not immediately released.

Parents rushed to 1,400-student Campbell County High School to take their children home after the shooting about 30 miles northwest of Knoxville.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Senate OKs Bill That Delays Meat Labeling

what's this hole in my rump steak?

WASHINGTON -- The Senate on Thursday sent a $100 billion food and farm spending bill to President Bush that includes a two-year delay on labels telling grocery shoppers where their meat comes from.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Talks Break Off in Philly Transit Strike

good news for the let-them-all-starve faction

PHILADELPHIA -- With a strike halting most of the city's public transportation for a third day, negotiations between the region's largest transit agency and its workers' union broke off early Wednesday with no sign of progress.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Ancient Burial Ground Discovered in N.Y.

more dead indians

they're all over

"I ... saw little bits of bone down the hillside and some of it had washed away in the surf already," said Richeson, the parks supervisor at Indian Island County Park _ named in honor of the local Shinnecock and other tribes that have inhabited Long Island for as much as 12,000 years.

NYC Mayor Steps Up Criticism of Opponent

self deprecating humor is not big on the campaign circuit this year

NEW YORK -- Mayor Michael Bloomberg went after his Democratic opponent Tuesday in their last debate with the most force he has shown in the race, accusing Fernando Ferrer of offering empty protests and no problem-solving.

Researchers Say Levees Had Design Flaws

hindsight press release affirms need for engineers who issue hindsight press releases

NEW ORLEANS -- The engineers who designed the floodwalls that collapsed during Hurricane Katrina did not fully consider the porousness of the Louisiana soil or make other calculations that would have pointed to the need for stronger levees with deeper pilings and wider bases, researchers say.

Bush Outlines $7.1B Flu-Fighting Strategy

or you can stop its spread by bagging your own groceries

WASHINGTON -- President Bush outlined a $7.1 billion strategy Tuesday to prepare for a possible worldwide super-flu outbreak, aiming to overhaul the vaccine industry so eventually every American could be inoculated within six months of a pandemic's beginning.

Senate Emerges From Closed Session on Iraq

sorry i don't have a clue what's going on, but i am confident that it's meaningless

WASHINGTON -- In a day of political drama, Democrats forced the Republican-controlled Senate into an unusual closed session Tuesday, questioning intelligence that President Bush used in the run-up to the war in Iraq and accusing Republicans of ignoring the issue.

N.J. Gubernatorial Candidates Trade Barbs

coleridge wrote that conflict of interest is the pulley on which good character is hoist into public view.

that was before outrage became a winning political posture.

NEWARK, N.J. -- In a gubernatorial campaign already notorious for its negative ads, Democratic Sen. Jon Corzine and Republican Doug Forrester traded conflict-of-interest allegations in a radio debate Tuesday night.

Defense Wins New Judge in DeLay Case

moonbat judge removed from entertainment scene

AUSTIN, Nov. 1 -- Former House majority leader Tom DeLay (R-Tex.) won an early round in his money-laundering and conspiracy trial Tuesday by getting a judge aligned with Democratic candidates and causes removed from the case.

Trial Begins in R.I. Lead Paint Lawsuit

think of it as a tax

PROVIDENCE, R.I. -- Trial began Tuesday in the state's second attempt to hold former makers of lead-based paint accountable for a product that prosecutors say has sickened children and contaminated hundreds of thousands of homes.

Judge Rules Soldier's Body Stays in Okla.

perfect occasion for a solomon-like decision to split the body, missed

SAN FRANCISCO -- A judge in a bitter dispute between divorced parents over where to bury a son killed in Iraq sided with the soldier's father Tuesday, saying he did not believe the mother's tearful testimony.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry Criticizes FEMA

what's worse than government involvement? two-government involvement.

DALLAS -- Gov. Rick Perry railed against the Federal Emergency Management Agency on Tuesday, saying its inaction is putting tens of thousands of hurricane victims at risk of getting evicted and preventing law enforcement from knowing which of the evacuees are dangerous criminals.

Talks Resume in Philly Transit Strike

everybody is hoping the strike lasts years and the union and all its members die.

PHILADELPHIA -- Negotiations resumed Tuesday night between the region's largest transit agency and its workers' union, the first talks since a strike two days ago halted most public transportation in the city.

Ore. Hospital Settles Class-Action Claim

it's an insurance scam. the idea is to force you to buy insurance by making self-insurance too costly.

PORTLAND, Ore. -- A settlement was reached Tuesday in a closely watched class-action lawsuit filed on behalf of uninsured patients who claim a major nonprofit hospital system overcharged them.

The complaint alleges that Providence Hospital System contradicted its stated mission of providing universal access to health care by charging uninsured patients higher rates for the same services than other patients.

Ex-Pizza Deliveryman Accused of Killing 10

pregnant victims gets the soap opera crowd mad.

LOS ANGELES -- A former pizza deliveryman accused of being one of the city's most prolific serial killers was ordered Tuesday to stand trial on charges of murdering 10 women, two of whom were pregnant.

Colo. Voters Give Up $3.7B in Tax Refunds

how about getting rid of higher education, health care and transportation

Supporters said Colorado simply could not afford to vote no, not with higher education, health care and transportation already suffering from millions of dollars in budget cuts.

Ga. Woman Pleads Guilty to Killing Child

maternal instinct story

ATLANTA -- A woman accused of helping her husband kill their 8-year-old daughter because they believed she was demonic pleaded guilty to murder Tuesday.

Denver Voters Approve Teachers Pay Plan

new plan mysteriously involves more money

DENVER -- Denver became the largest school district in the country to switch to paying teachers based on their students' achievement Tuesday, as voters approved an annual $25 million tax increase to link teacher salaries to test scores and other measurements.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Iran Rejects Derision of Leader's Remarks

THAT'S NOT FUNNY! as the feminist joke goes

TEHRAN, Iran -- Iran hit back at the U.N. Security Council on Saturday after the world body condemned President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's call for Israel to be destroyed.

Friday, October 28, 2005

La. Gov. Blamed for Slow Removal of Bodies

city body collection is tuesdays and fridays

WASHINGTON -- Bodies of people killed by Hurricane Katrina went uncollected for more than a week in the New Orleans area as the federal government waited for Louisiana's governor to decide what to do with them, according to memos released Thursday by a Republican-led House committee.

NJ Governor Hopeful Forrester Cleared

corrupt favoring of his own candidacy

The state law bars people with a majority interest in insurance or banking firms from contributing to political campaigns. Forrester, a multimillionaire majority owner in an insurance brokerage, has donated millions of dollars to his own campaign and hundreds of thousands to other GOP candidates.

Court OKs Food Stamp Ban in Cigarette Sale

stupid because cigarettes are all tax. the welfare program then pays for itself.

like making purchase of lottery tickets legal with food stamps would.

ST. PAUL, Minn. -- The sale of a single pack of cigarettes paid for with food stamps was grounds enough for state officials to ban a grocery store from being part of a subsidy program for the poor, the Minnesota Supreme Court ruled Thursday.

Robber Blames Crime on Missing His Mother

father not missed

EVANSVILLE, Ind. -- A man who led police on a high-speed chase after a bank robbery in May says he was driven to commit the robbery because he missed his mother.

Suspect's Mother Arrested in Calif. Slay

family values attacked

MARTINEZ, Calif. -- The mother of a teenager accused of killing a prominent attorney's wife was arrested Thursday and held on suspicion of being an accessory to murder.

Ex-Engineer Charged With Selling Secrets

name spelled backwards to protect anonymity

Noshir S. Gowadia, 61, of Haiku, was arrested Wednesday in Honolulu.

Japan to Harbor Nuclear-Powered Carrier

another american technology day after a gap of 60 years.

Though American troops have been based in Japan since the end of World War II, the Japanese public has long been wary of a U.S. nuclear presence because of concerns about possible radiation leaks. The decision comes 60 years after the United States brought the war to an end by dropping atomic bombs on a pair of Japanese cities, Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Floridians Again Find Gas in Short Supply

in a remarkable coincidence, florida has anti-price-gouging laws.

MIAMI -- Many Floridians struggled another day to find food, water and fuel after Hurricane Wilma on Thursday, with lines of people and cars forming around home improvement stores and gas stations.

Shriver Stays Mum on Husband's Agenda

the soap scene

LONG BEACH, Calif. -- Maria Shriver refused to take a stand Thursday on the political agenda of her husband, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, saying, "We all know what happens to first ladies who shoot their mouths off."

Bush Stung As Miers Withdraws Nomination

not very stung or defeated, apparently

WASHINGTON -- In a striking defeat for President Bush, White House counsel Harriet Miers on Thursday abandoned her bid to become a Supreme Court justice after three weeks of brutal criticism from fellow conservatives. The Senate's top Republican predicted a replacement candidate within days.

Texas Co. Hired Illegals to Make MREs

trading labor somebody wants for money they want, a Mexican tradition

McALLEN, Texas -- A Texas employment agency was sentenced to five years of probation for hiring illegal immigrants to work at the nation's top producer of military battlefield rations, federal prosecutors said Thursday.

White House braces for likely charges over CIA leak

bracing claimed

tomorrow's news or lack of news today because today's news didn't work out to attract soap fans

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff and other top White House officials braced for criminal charges on Friday from the federal grand jury investigating the leak of a covert CIA operative's identity.

White House Fears Indictment for Libby

antecedent suspense (``that put ...'') matches the lack of actual news

WASHINGTON -- Working against the clock, Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald weighed criminal charges against top presidential aides at the end of a two-year investigation that put the White House in a state of high suspense Thursday night.

Dark Days at the Bush White House

how will soap opera show up in history?

WASHINGTON -- These are dark days for the White House.

And they could get darker.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Canoe Expedition Cleans Up La. Bayou

self-promoting press release genre

disease-producing blackbirds and dragonflies vs harmless wine bottles and truck tires at home in the swamp

MANDEVILLE, La. -- The dragonflies skimming the tea-colored water and the blackbirds in the marsh grasses looked at home along Cane Bayou and the Lake Pontchartrain shore. But canoeing through the waterways Sunday, it was hard not to notice the truck tires, wine bottles and other urban debris left scattered in the shallow water and along the shoreline by Hurricane Katrina.

"There's so much stuff out there that if people like us don't come out and pick it out, it'll be here for a long, long time," said outfitter Byron Almquist.

Man Warned Officials About Caged Children

should be done by airlines too. children travel in baggage.

CLEVELAND -- An insurance agent said he warned child welfare officials that he saw cage-like beds in the home of 11 adopted special-needs children more than a year before authorities intervened.

United Pilot Suspended Over Alcohol Smell

flying is hours of boredom punctuated by short periods of being questioned by the police

MIAMI -- A United Airlines pilot was removed from the cockpit and questioned by police after security screeners at Miami International Airport reported smelling alcohol, police said.

Sarasota Dreads Trial Over Child's Slaying

wall to wall coverage!

women demand it.

unless a prettier girl somewhere comes up first.

SARASOTA, Fla. -- Like others around the world who saw the televised videotape, residents of this city shuddered when they saw the images of a man taking 11-year-old Carlie Brucia by the arm at the back of a car wash.

NYC Mayor Criticizes WTC Developer

or a rock dove wildlife preserve

NEW YORK -- Mayor Michael Bloomberg blasted the developer of the World Trade Center site in comments to a newspaper editorial board, saying space at ground zero might be better used for schools and residential buildings than office towers.

Ariz. Farmers Fear Worker Shortage

reporter rises early or perhaps is making it up later

how many workers you get depends on pay not border crossings

they don't rise early for econ 101 :

the halls are already jammed with people waiting for economics class to open

it sounds like a press release from the vegetable growers

SAN LUIS, Ariz. -- It's only 4 a.m. but the border crossing in this southwest Arizona town is already jammed with cars and people inching northward to enter the United States.

Schumer: Miers Lacks Confirmation Votes

and the eyeshadow industry

another penumbra

The choice has troubled some conservatives who say it was risky because Miers was a blank slate on issues such as abortion and gay rights.

Strengthening Wilma Bears Down on Florida

usually hurricanes ``churn'' when at sea, meaning that there's no news yet so you relate news that hasn't happened yet.

spots on lampposts are all taken.

hit the ``hurricane'' macro at AP.

KEY WEST, Fla. -- Rain pounded Key West early Monday as Hurricane Wilma accelerated toward storm-weary Florida, threatening residents with 120-mph winds, tornadoes and a surge of seawater that could flood the Keys and the state's southwest coast.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Tropical Storm Alpha Forms in Caribbean

in what order? alpha beta gamma delta, or alpha beta chi delta

gods would be better. tropical storm allah.

MIAMI -- Tropical Storm Alpha formed Saturday in the Caribbean, setting the record for the most named storms in an Atlantic hurricane season and marking the first time forecasters had to turn to the Greek alphabet for names.

In Key West, It's a Party Before the Storm

reporter sent to hang on lamppost whiles away the hours with an anti-media audience.

KEY WEST, Fla. -- In other, more conventional places, a frustrated, anxious populace might react differently to tension. But in the face of Hurricane Wilma, many of the people who chose to remain in Key West did what they know best Saturday: They threw a party.

Wilma Picks Up Speed, Heads for Florida

the template grinds on once again.

leave for a week and it's the same when you come back.

no actual news involved.

they could run random bits in and the template would produce the same output.

KEY WEST, Fla. -- Thousands of residents had been ordered to evacuate Sunday and businesses and emergency officials prepared rescue and relief plans as forecasters predicted Hurricane Wilma would pick up speed "like a rocket" on a course toward Florida.

Student Dies in Goal-Post Celebration

it's fun until somebody loses an eye.

then it's still fun, just not around that person.

MORRIS, Minn. -- A 20-year-old University of Minnesota-Morris student was killed Saturday when football fans rushed onto the field and pulled down a goal post at the end of the school's homecoming game.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Emergency Declared After Anti-Nazi Riots

street-talk express

"I was chagrined that there were obvious mothers and children in the crowd with them," he said.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Millions to Receive Social Security Boost

it's _supposed_ to leave you where you started. it's a cost of living increase.

actually it overstates inflation because it ignores substitution of other items for ones that have gone up most.

"Everything that we buy has gone up so fast," he said. "The extra money will be spent, that's for sure."

DOT Investigates Fatal Bus Fire After Rita

the point of written regulations is making it possible to always find one you've violated, after some accident.

this proves it's not the agency's fault, which is what is needed under such circumstances.

DALLAS -- The U.S. Department of Transportation is investigating why its regulators gave a satisfactory rating to the company involved in last month's fatal bus fire for almost two years before deciding it was hazardous to the public.

Pregnant Woman IDs Pa. Neighbor in Attack

maternal instinct plays the same role in elections

FORD CITY, Pa. -- A head injury clouds her memory, but the woman who nearly had her unborn son sliced from her belly has identified her next-door neighbor as her attacker, authorities say.

Valerie Lynn Oskin, 30, "definitely" remembers being clubbed with a baseball bat by Peggy Jo Conner and then being driven around by her, Armstrong County District Attorney Scott Andreassi said Friday.

Polygamist Couple Give Up Parental Rights

the terrible teens

The girls, ages 17 and 14, are currently in foster care and have expressed a desire to be adopted.

Their parents, John Daniel Kingston and Heidi Mattingly, signed orders relinquishing their rights to the teens Friday. The couple has nine other children, all of whom are in Mattingly's custody.

"There has been a significant deterioration of the parent-child relationship with these girls," Kristin Brewer, a court-appointed advocate for the teens, told the 3rd District juvenile court. "This enables everyone to move on and not go through another trial."

DeLay Uses Website to Attack Prosecutor

it's unethical to mock the media, too, in case he tries that.

WASHINGTON -- Stung by his recent indictment in Texas, Tom Delay is trying to turn his legal woes into a financial boon for his re-election. The former House majority leader is using his congressional campaign to distribute to voters derogatory information about the prosecutor who brought the charges against him and to solicit donations for his re-election.

Poll: Domestic Issues Troubling Americans

advice : turn off the TV

"Things at home are in peril, and we're spread thin throughout the world," said Nick Tepsic, a surgical technician in Boynton Beach, Fla., who is a political independent. "We need to be worrying about things at home. We have a terrible debt going on; we need to improve education; we had two terrible natural disasters here. Our money could best be spent in other ways."

Monday, October 10, 2005

Fraternity Suspends Boulder Chapter

party training

Hartman said the Boulder chapter violated various policies and failed to meet expectations that were established a year ago when the fraternity was placed on probation for breaking party rules.

One Dead When Train Rams Truck in Texas

trucks are legally people in Texas

i propose 4-way stops at rail crossings

GRAND PRAIRIE, Texas -- An Amtrak passenger train rammed a pickup truck that had ignored warnings at a railroad crossing Monday, killing a woman and injuring two others, officials said.

Man Charged in Deaths of Three

he probably snapped

SAN JOSE, Calif. -- A man was charged with homicide Monday for allegedly stabbing his two daughters and his pregnant girlfriend, then setting their house on fire, authorities said.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Gay Leaders Seek to Bridge Racial Divide

gay leaders are like black leaders only smarter

National gay and lesbian groups are responding with marketing campaigns and old-fashioned schmoozing to win over minority gays, many of whom argue white activists want their votes on gay marriage and other national issues, but rarely include poverty, racism and other minority concerns on their agendas.

Subtropical Depression Dissipating

sad news

The system was no longer a subtropical depression and had lost all of its convection, according to the National Hurricane Center in Miami.

Rice Offers U.S. Aid to Pakistan, India

patronize a convenience store today

WASHINGTON -- President Bush offered condolences and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said the U.S. was ready to help Pakistan and India after an earthquake Saturday killed thousands near their northern border.

How Different Groups Feel About Bush

feeling news, a new angle for our woman audience

Bush Says Miers Has Experience, Leadership

required thuggishness missing

the reason people support bush on the war on terror is that he's enough of a prick to pull the trigger

"No Supreme Court nominee in the last 35 years has exceeded Harriet Miers' overall range of experience in courtroom litigation; service in federal, state and local government; leadership in local, state and national bar associations and pro bono and charitable activities," Bush said in his weekly radio address.

Dem Seeks Penalties for Gas Price-Gougers

the party of know-nothings

WASHINGTON -- Oil executives who engage in price-gouging should face tough criminal penalties, Rep. Rosa DeLauro of Connecticut said Saturday in the Democrats' weekly radio address.

Clinton Inducted Into Women's Hall of Fame

it's the other clinton

"It had never crossed my mind up until that point that there might be doors closed to me simply because I was a girl," recalled the letter writer, better known today as Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, as she was enshrined Saturday in the National Women's Hall of Fame, along with nine other inductees.

Amtrak Returns to Big Easy After Katrina

human interest angle for women

As he stepped off the train, Marty Robinson, of Paducah, Ky., sank to his knees, sang a song and proposed to his girlfriend as she greeted him. She accepted.

Four Robotic Vehicles Finish Desert Race

academic standards

"The impossible has been achieved," cried Stanford University's Sebastian Thrun, after the university's customized Volkswagen crossed first. Students cheered, hoisting Thrun atop their shoulders.

Bennett Defends Remarks on Black Abortions

the i'm-stupid position taken

and dare you to say anything about it 'cause i'm black

"He heard our outrage and our hurt, but he didn't say he was sorry," said Irma Carson, a Bakersfield councilwoman. "We didn't take (his comment) out of context, because there's no context in which those comments would fit."

Thursday, October 06, 2005

TV Tower Wires Kill 400 Birds in One Night

same as 400 cats get in one night on the average

significance : there are a _lot_ of birds

MADISON, Wis. -- As many as 400 songbirds were killed in one night after they flew into wires holding up a television tower.

Winter Storm Knocks Out Power in West

global warming in the news

BISMARCK, N.D. -- An early winter storm that blasted in from the Rockies dumped heavy snow across the region, knocking out power to thousands and forcing National Guard soldiers to rescue stranded motorists.

Miers Unfazed by Criticism, Friend Says

does not take press seriously, a bad sign

WASHINGTON -- Harriet Miers is unfazed by the criticism and questioning of her qualifications as she seeks to become the next Supreme Court justice, a longtime friend said Thursday.

Lightning Kills High School Football Player

good day to play the lottery

COCONUT CREEK, Fla. -- A high school football player was killed and several people were injured by lightning after a game was stopped because of a thunderstorm.

Tropical Storm Tammy Center Comes Ashore

meanwhile in rain news

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- The center of Tropical Storm Tammy came ashore in north Florida on Wednesday after skirting the coast and sending heavy rain and gusty winds toward Georgia and the Carolinas.

Sea Otters Could Return to Southern Calif.

sea urchin food pyramid

The Sea Urchin Harvesters Association, an industry group that wants to limit the number of sea otters in Southern California waters, did not return a call seeking comment. Sea urchins are a favorite food of otters.

Next Big Thing: Satellite TV in Cars

the platitude channel

"Drivers need to be reminded that driving is a very complex task requiring full attention," said Col. Jim Champagne of the Governors Highway Safety Association, which has said it's not encouraging use of the technology.

3 Adults, Baby Found Dead in Ill. Home

the infant was not talking

BELLEVILLE, Ill. -- Three adults and an infant were found shot to death Wednesday night in an apartment, police said.

Calif. Wildfire Closes Freeway Near L.A.

how long until avalanche stories start?

sometime in the fall the template changes colors

CALIMESA, Calif. -- A wildfire erupted Wednesday in an area east of Los Angeles, quickly consuming at least 2,000 acres of brush, threatening about 100 homes and burning to the edge of a freeway.

Companies Investing in Teaching English

also "block" "pillar" "slab" and "beam" completing Wittgenstein's primitive language

DALLAS -- Francisco Casas knew enough English to get by in his job preparing rooms for meetings at a luxury hotel, using a few key words such as "table" and "chair" along with hand gestures.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Study: Most Will Be Fat Over the Long Haul

weight anxiety cultivated among the underweight

"You cannot become complacent, because you are at risk of becoming overweight," said Ramachandran Vasan, an associate professor of medicine at Boston University and the study's lead author.

Firefighters Race Forecast in Calif. Fires

various versions of an interlude in the exciting fire news season

"You have to have a watchful eye over the whole area right now," he said.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Ousted Ala. Justice to Run for Governor

the commandment on showdowns

Moore's candidacy could set up a showdown with Gov. Bob Riley, a fellow Republican, and turn the Ten Commandments dispute into a central campaign issue in this Bible Belt state.

Search Ends With 964 Katrina Dead in La.

halloween will be big this year

NEW ORLEANS -- The search for Hurricane Katrina victims has ended in Louisiana with a death toll at 964, but more searches will be conducted if someone reports seeing a body, a state official said Monday.

Bush Prepared to Tap Heating Oil Reserve

the way you save energy is you _don't_ increase the supply.

everything that's released gets used.

everything that's not, doesn't.

price just decides what gets cut back to meet supply.

"We've had a very severe pair of episodes, they have damaged the (energy) infrastructure," Bodman said at a news conference held with the Alliance to Save Energy, a private energy conservation group. Bodman said the country can be expected to face high heating oil and natural gas prices this winter.

But he added, with conservation "we can be successful in minimizing the pain caused by high energy prices this winter."

Court Nominee Has No Judicial Experience

manages subject/verb agreement

"The wisdom of those who drafted our Constitution and conceived our nation as functioning with three strong and independent branches has proven truly remarkable," Miers said at the White House before departing for the Capitol and a Senate confirmation campaign already taking shape.

DeLay Is Indicted on Two New Charges

prosecutor doubles bet against risibility effect

A Texas grand jury indicted Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Tex.) yesterday for alleged involvement in money laundering related to the 2002 Texas election, raising new and more serious allegations than the conspiracy charge lodged against the former House majority leader last week.

WWII Troop Ship Arrives in Indiana

another lake george tour boat tragedy waiting to happen

EVANSVILLE, Ind. -- With aging veterans lining the deck, a World War II troop landing ship chugged up the Ohio River on Monday, heading to a new assignment as part of a war history museum.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Poll: Ohio Governor's Approval Rate Sinks

highest tax rate in the nation

COLUMBUS, Ohio -- In the wake of convictions for ethics violations, Ohio Gov. Bob Taft's approval rating has dipped to a dismal 15 percent, making him one of the most unpopular politicians in the history of political polls.

Seattle Considers Banning Lap Dance

traditional witches and elves under the aurora

SEATTLE -- Strippers who venture too near the laps of their dollar-bill-waving patrons have exposed an unexpected prudish streak in this West Coast bastion of tolerance and liberalism.

Google Bids to Offer WiFi in San Francisco

power lines get an added competitive edge by wiping out radio reception

Google has been quietly experimenting with WiFi service in a few connection spots around the Bay Area and New York during the past few months. In another sign of its interest in Internet access, Google recently bought an undisclosed stake in a Maryland startup, the Current Communications Group, which is trying to provide high-speed connections through power lines.

Border activist a wild card in Calif. election


While Jim Gilchrist -- leader of a volunteer border patrol group once slammed as "vigilantes" by President George W. Bush -- is considered a long shot to win the special election to fill a seat vacated by Republican Christopher Cox, he has mined a deep vein of voter anger over illegal immigration.

Scientists Send Submersibles to Lost City

they are not bathed by the mist thousands of miles away, that's why.

headline by Coleridge.

PROVIDENCE, R.I. -- The ship with all the gadgets and underwater rovers was stationed in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, but for the first time, the scientists directing the expedition were not on board. They sat in rooms thousands of miles away.

Police: Lost Girl Asking for Slain Mother

attention soap opera women !!

NEW YORK -- A 4-year-old girl abandoned on a city street has been asking for the mother she says looks "like a princess" as authorities consider how best to break the news the woman is dead, allegedly slain by a man the girl called her father, police said.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

NOAA Finds No Oil Yet in Gulf Fish Samples

bad news for biodiesel

MOBILE, Ala. -- The first samples of fish taken from the Gulf of Mexico since Hurricane Katrina showed no exposure to spilled oil, government scientists said Friday.

Kan. Mayor Calls Birthday Card 'Offensive'

no birthdays in kansas

The birthday card produced by Hallmark bears the title "CSI: Topeka" and features a cartoon of two people standing over a corpse, with one saying, "Looks like he was bored to death."

Judge Rules on Racial Makeup of Juries

choose juries from baseball team rosters, is my advice.

"But it's going to be a step in the right direction," Garin said. "It's going to make it somewhat more likely that we might see in our case _ and defendants in other cases _ may see people of color on their juries."

Dems Decry U.S. Dependence on Fossil Fuels

what happens when you elect women

WASHINGTON -- The Bush administration is not doing enough to push for energy conservation as fuel costs skyrocket since Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, Sen. Maria Cantwell of Washington state said Saturday in the Democrats' weekly radio address.

Experts: Future of Big Hurricanes Looms

don't forget newspapers going broke as readers abandon soap opera and hype.

-- Have we seen America's future through the eyes of hurricanes Katrina and Rita? Monster storms drowning cities and obliterating coastlines. Jobs vanishing and prices rising as ports and pipelines close. Millions fleeing, but many are trapped and die. Chaos reigns, paralyzing government and leaving the world's wealthiest society humbled and frightened.

Miller Testimony Worries Journalism Groups

why _anybody_ should be forced to testify not considered. yet it's the way out of the fly bottle.

NEW YORK -- New York Times reporter Judith Miller's decision to escape jail by testifying about her conversations with a confidential source surprised some ofher supporters and left journalists wondering what her choice will mean for press freedoms.

Dems Agree to Recommend Early Primaries

plan : more of the same, only sooner

same as the platform

However, Democratic consultant Steve Murphy warned that it is critical they make no changes that help Republicans. Murphy and Iowa Democratic activist Jerry Crawford said Democrats should avoid changing the leadoff roles of Iowa and New Hampshire, which could anger voters in those states and make GOP victories there very likely in the general election.

Ga. Slayings Terrify Mexican Immigrants

no chimney for santa, either

TIFTON, Ga. -- Pedro Bemol stayed awake most of the night, swapping lookout shifts in the dark with the five other Mexican immigrants who share a ragged mobile home with no electricity and a front door that won't close because of a broken latch.

Calif. Law Aims to Discourage Paparazzi

castration rejected

"This bill hits the paparazzi where it hurts _ the wallet," said Assemblywoman Cindy Montanez who proposed the measure.

Counties Switch to Biodiesel School Buses

how about making kids walk to school

wv is the nation's leader in fat kids

not likely to occur to a transportation director.

everybody favors the source of their income.

Dean is among a slowly growing number of county transportation directors in West Virginia and across the nation who are switching from straight diesel to a mixture of diesel and biodiesel, a fuel based primarily on vegetable oils.

Biodiesel use has been growing since 1992 when Congress passed the Energy Policy Act in a move to reduce the nation's dependency on foreign oil. It has since been approved by the federal Environmental Protection Agency as an alternative fuel.

Friday, September 30, 2005

FDNY Chaplain Resigns After 9/11 Remarks

political correctness meets diversity

Scoppetta said Habib, who was educated in Islamic law in Saudi Arabia and preaches at a New York mosque, had appeared qualified and passed a background check.

White House Condemns Bennett's Remarks

sound bite crime

"But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down," said Bennett, author of "The Book of Virtues."

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Ind. Man Falls Asleep While Siphoning Gas

modern siphons work uphill

Officers found him asleep inside the van next to a 55-gallon tank and a battery-operated pump. A hose from the pump led to the gas station's underground tank.

U. of Ga.: Hacker May Have Student Info

not long ago tax forms came with ss numbers printed on the address label, and nothing bad happened.

what changed is various organizations leaping at their own convenience, using ss numbers as security checks, which is not what they are.

stop being lazy and the problem disappears. the ss number is useful only for ss again, and not, eg., bank accounts and mortgages and credit cards.

University officials say 2,429 Social Security numbers were exposed, but there was some repetition and the number of affected people is expected to be smaller.

Last year, a hacker broke into a UGA computer and may have accessed credit card information for about 32,000 students. The university never caught the hacker, but was not aware of any misuse of that information, said Tom Jackson, a UGA spokesman.

Conditions Primitive in Texas After Rita

issue marshmallows

WOODVILLE, Texas -- Five days after Hurricane Rita came ashore, conditions remained primitive in parts of Texas, where some residents were taking baths and brushing their teeth using water from the Neches River and others were sleeping in tents.

Museum Dropped From WTC Site for Now

i suggest issuing a memorial 9/11 candy bar, heavy with nuts, to make everybody happy.

NEW YORK -- Bowing to pressure from Sept. 11 families, Gov. George Pataki on Wednesday removed a proposed freedom center from the space reserved for it near the planned World Trade Center memorial, saying the museum project had aroused "too much opposition, too much controversy."

Bush Warns of Iraq Violence Before Vote

where does he warn? violence is good. Bush thinks so too.

substitute ``boast'' for ``warn'' throughout.

violence = bad is for women, the readership of AP.

WASHINGTON -- President Bush on Wednesday warned there will be an upsurge in violence in Iraq before next month's voting, but said the terrorists will fail. "Our troops are ready," he said. Bush's remarks in the Rose Garden came a day after Iraqi and U.S. forces announced they had killed Abdullah Abu Azzam, the No. 2 al-Qaida leader in Iraq, during a weekend raid in Baghdad.

"This guy's a brutal killer," Bush said.

New Areas of New Orleans Re-Opening

doctor worry always supports the importance of doctors

nobody has suggested the obvious solution : massive early air drops of stockpiles of FEMA porta-potties to refugees.

"The two things that are absolutely necessary to ensure public health _ clean drinking water and proper sewage systems _ simply are not available in the East Bank area of New Orleans at this time," said Dr. Fred Cerise, secretary for the state Department of Health and Hospitals.

FEMA's Brown Was Warned Early of Shortages

gotcha prose.

the reason nothing works is, among other dysfunctions, that intra-agency goals come first in every agency ever created on earth.

when that happens, if the agency has to turn a profit, it simply disappears, having lived its useful life.

if it has taxing power, it grows, and it grows by encroaching.

see John Gall _Systemantics_ (best in the original small 1975 edition, before it grew like topsy like every system).

"However, FEMA's systems do not support effective or efficient coordination of deployment operations because there is no sharing of information," the audit found. "Consequently, this created operational inefficiencies and hindered the delivery of essential disaster response and recovery services," it said.

Rep. Blunt to Fill In for Indicted DeLay

jail congressmen until you get ones that don't tolerate soap opera.

WASHINGTON -- Rep. Roy Blunt of Missouri emerged as temporary House majority leader Wednesday in a fast-paced episode of Republican power politics triggered by the indictment of his one-time patron.

Brush Fire Destroys 9,300 Acres in Calif.

in other words the same as last year, and with the same effect : constant news hype.

destroy is a little strong. even the houses grow back.

So far this year, wildfires have charred 8.16 million acres nationwide, compared with 7.74 million acres at the same time last year, according to the National Interagency Fire Center.

Arctic Ice Melts Faster As It Gets Warmer

soon to join western forest fires where they will annihilate each other in the news

i hold with those who favor fire. it has better audience ratings.

"The melting and retreat trends are accelerating," Ted Scambos, of the University of Colorado at Boulder's National Snow and Ice Data Center, said in a statement released by the university.

Friday, September 23, 2005

President Cancels Texas Visit

creative writing 101 lands a fatal blow

Even as Hurricane Rita continued to weaken in the Gulf of Mexico this afternoon, though still a strong and dangerous Category 3 storm, its turbulent winds widened their reach, lashing out with tropical storm-force winds as far as 205 miles from its churning center.

compare Francis Ponge (french prose poet)

The washing machine is so contrived that, having been filled with a heap of ignoble tissue, the inner emotion, the boiling indignation that it feels from this, when channelled into the upper part of its being, falls back down on the heap of ignoble tissue turning its stomach - more or less perpetually - it being a process that should end up with a purification.

So here we are the very heart of the mystery. The sun is setting on this Monday evening. Oh housewives! And you, near the end of your study, how tired your backs are! But after grinding away all day long like this (what is the demon that makes me talk this way?) look at what clean and proper arms you have, and pure hands, worn by the most moving toil!

Certainly the linen, once it went into the washing machine, had already been cleaned, roughly. The machine did not come into contact with filthiness as such, with snot, for example, dried out, filthy, and clinging to the handkerchiefs.

It is still a fact, however, that the machine experiences an idea or a diffuse feeling of filthiness about the things inside of itself, which, through emotions, boilings, and efforts, it manages to overcome - in separating the tissue: so much that, when rinsed in a catastrophe of fresh water, these will come to seem extremely white...

And here, in effect, is the miracle:

A thousand white flags are suddenly unfurled - attesting not to defeat, but to victory - and are not just, perhaps, the sign of corporal propriety among the inhabitants of the neighborhood.

More Colleges Offering Game Theory Courses

von Neuman's invention of Pong particularly noteworthy

TROY, N.Y. -- More and more, video game-related courses are being offered in colleges around the country in response to the digital media industry's appetite for skilled workers and the tastes of a new generation of students raised on Game Boy and Xbox.

Katrina Turns the Poor Into the Destitute

it's easy to recover if you're poor because you don't have to recover much

you can recover your life savings in a single day

WASHINGTON -- Before Hurricane Katrina, they were among the poorest of America's poor. In the hardest hit counties, some 305,000 people not only lived in poverty, their families' income fell below 50 percent of the poverty line _ about $7,500 for a family of three. Now, many live in strange towns with only a few dollars in their pockets.

Rita Sparks Evacuation from Flood-Prone Areas

orwell's inversion : the confusion of input and output

By late Thursday night, the traffic was at least moving slowly, but was still backed up for about 100 miles in what White called "one of the largest mass evacuations in American history."

Democrats Seeking Voice as Bush Struggles

it will always be soap opera because that's the media's target audience, and nothing goes out that doesn't fit the soap opera genre :

inner turmoil, soul searching and eternal frustration.

WASHINGTON -- The dip in President Bush's popularity has Democrats dreaming of brighter days for their out-of-power party, but only if they show voters clear leadership and a fresh message.

Feds Promise Fuel to Fleeing Evacuees

government solutions are new problems

WASHINGTON -- Federal authorities began counting down to Hurricane Rita's arrival with last-minute promises to deliver fuel to hundreds of thousands of evacuees fleeing the shifting storm that covered half of the Gulf of Mexico.

Rita's Rains Start Falling on New Orleans

story tie-in, or reporters with nothing to do

NEW ORLEANS -- A steady downpour fell on New Orleans as Hurricane Rita lashed the coast, turning dust to mud, forcing engineers to hurriedly shore up broken levees and interrupting the city's search for its dead.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Quote Comparison : Ambiguity

Japanese poetry expert : It's not a doctrine but a simple fact. Semantic undecideability of all text and speeches is far from being a weakness to be corrected or deplored, a keen and constant awareness that your words can be apprehended in unexpected ways, like in lalanku someone else would put a completely surprising verse to your own verse, a common benevolent readiness to all for a variety of interpretations and misinterpretations by different people in different contexts paradoxically is the only hope we have left for true mutual understanding between different cultures. So I think that wordplay is a trivial thing but there is something really important in this kind of verbal construct. (Radio Japan, Sep 16)

Stanley Cavell : (Macbeth Appalled 1992)

I will call these features language as prophecy and as magic or mind reading.

These features interpret conditions what what can be called the possibility of language as such. Prophecy, or foretelling, takes up the condition of words are recurrent; mind reading takes up words as shared. Philosophy has wished to explain the recurrence of words (which may present itself as their evanescence) by a theory of what it calls universals; and similarly (taking universals as ocncepts or as rules) to explain their sharing or mutuality, so far as this is seen to be a separate question...

My idea of the first the conditions of langauge acknowledged by this play [Macbeth] - language as prophecy - is that a kind of foretelling is effected by the way the play, at what prove to be charged moments, will bond a small group of generally small words so that they may then at any time fall upon one another and discharge or expel meaning. The play dramtizes the fact that a word does not exist until it is understood as repeated ...

Emmual Levinas : (Totality and Infinity 1961)

The word by way of preface which seeks to break through the screen stretched between the author and the reader by the book itself does not give itself out as a word of honor. But it belongs to the very essence of language, which consists in continually undoing its phrase by the foreword or exegesis, in unsaying the said, in attempting to restate without ceremonies what has already been ill understood in the inevitable ceremonial in which the said delights.

Katrina Raises Voters' Doubts About Bush

the media line laid out

WASHINGTON -- Hurricane Katrina and the bungled government response have weakened President Bush, raising questions among Americans about his Iraq and Gulf Coast spending plans and spreading fears among fellow Republicans that his troubles could be contagious.

New Orleans Mayor Faces Leadership Crisis

get rid of the clown suit, is my advice

NEW ORLEANS -- Weeping and cursing in frustration at one point, jauntily announcing the city's comeback at another, Ray Nagin has pursued an erratic course as mayor of this woeful city over the past three weeks.

First Lady Tackles Poverty, Race Issues

the nation will respond in the same old way because soap opera demands it and soap opera governs the media

WASHINGTON -- Laura Bush, former inner-city teacher, says Hurricane Katrina could have a silver lining if it forces the nation to respond "in a different way" to difficult poverty and racial problems.

Tax Breaks for Katrina May Aid Rich More

the poor can't lose much. that's what being poor is. they can lose their life savings and earn it back in a day.

not to quibble at the moment about the difference between being poor and being broke.

being poor is a life calling and occupation.

WASHINGTON -- House and Senate tax writers agreed Tuesday on a package of tax breaks designed to help Hurricane Katrina victims recoup their losses and access needed cash.

Judge Orders Tattoo Ink Health Warnings

another use for writing

LOS ANGELES -- A judge ordered two manufacturers of ink used for tattoos to place labels on their bottles warning consumers of potential health risks, a watchdog group said Tuesday.

Governors Seek Gas Price Gouging Probe

the optimistic theory is that they know better and are just cynical about the intelligence of the american people

the media is based on the unintelligence of a specific target audience

so whichever it is, there's a synergy that gives you these sound bites and not others.

MADISON, Wis. -- Eight Democratic governors asked President Bush and congressional leaders on Tuesday to investigate possible gasoline price gouging in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Rita Grows Into a Category 3 Hurricane

the anxiety audience is also the eternal frustration audience

KEY WEST, Fla. -- Hurricane Rita strengthened into a Category 3 storm packing 115 mph winds early Wednesday after lashing the Florida Keys and sparking anxiety as it headed into the Gulf of Mexico.

Jury Selection Begins in Therapist Killing

cain and abel _plus_ soap opera

SAN FRANCISCO -- Jury selection in the trial of a woman accused of killing her husband, whom she first met as her therapist, began Monday in a case that will pit one son against another.

Miss. Town Seemingly Forgotten After Storm

the seven warning signs of story winding down

PEARLINGTON, Miss. -- For more than a week, Pearlington survived largely on its own.

Who Will Bush Tap As Next Court Nominee?

free-association story genre

WASHINGTON -- President Bush's supporters want him to replace retiring Justice Sandra Day O'Connor with a rock-solid conservative jurist, but Bush's low poll numbers have given liberals hope he'll nominate a moderate to avoid a raucous fight in the Senate.

New Orleans Suspends Reopening of City

the big uneasy

NEW ORLEANS -- Under pressure from President Bush and other top federal officials, the mayor suspended the reopening of large portions of the city Monday and instead ordered nearly everyone out because of the risk of a new round of flooding from a tropical storm on the way.

Tropical Storm Rita Barrels Toward Land

it can't ravage it. it's already ravaged. there's nothing there to ravage again.

but if you liked the story the first time, you can look forward to the same coverage again.

nothing changes until the audience no longer is interested.

KEY WEST, Fla. -- Thousands of residents fled the Florida Keys as Tropical Storm Rita barreled toward land, poised to grow into a hurricane with a potential 9-foot storm surge and sparking fears it could eventually ravage the hobbled Gulf Coast.

Bush Concerned About New Storm

presidential concerns should have names too, eg. presidential concern aaron, to keep track

WASHINGTON -- President Bush said he was concerned that Tropical Storm Rita could hit the already devastated Gulf Coast as he prepared for a fifth trip to the region to survey hurricane recovery efforts.

FEC Sues Pro-Republican Political Group

influencing elections and preempting soap opera on TV

FEC Vice Chairman Michael Toner rated the case "one of the most important suits the commission has brought in recent years."

"At stake is whether Club for Growth will be able to continue raising and spending millions of dollars in soft money for activities influencing federal elections," said Toner, a Republican.

Holocaust Survivor Simon Wiesenthal Dies

godwin's law, it's called

"When history looks back I want people to know the Nazis weren't able to kill millions of people and get away with it," he once said.

La. Guardsman Returns Home From Iraq

for the sentimental trinket audience

NEW ORLEANS -- Lt. William Besselman came back after a year in Iraq to find a mess in his home from Hurricane Katrina: ruined photographs of his children, an overturned china cabinet his wife had inherited, a couch sprouting mold.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Quote Comparison : Race

Today, Star Parker :

It is not simply a moral claim, but a well-documented empirical one, that family and education are the keys to success in our free country. Black children don't need politicians of any color who claim to hold the keys to their future. They need parents who know their names. Two of them.

1991, Vicki Hearne (_Bandit_)

I keep thinking, too, about that nine-year-old boy whose ``pit bull'' was rescued from his clutches on television [in the ASPCA pit bull wars]. We have his testimony that his dog went everywhere with him, which means that his dog knew him, so he is now stripped of the protection he had from the continual presence of his dog's knowledge. I wonder how he will fare in the world, unfortified by Spike's adroit recognitions of him, how he will manage now to sort out real language from pseudolinguistic behaviors that are the form in which justice and truth will be presented to him, most of the time. That is, how smart will he be without his dog and therefore unable to locate the just city?

Saturday, September 17, 2005

World Leaders Fall Short of Summit Goals

meanwhile in the rest of the world

After three days in which Syria was the only one of 191 member states not to give a speech before the General Assembly, the leaders adopted a 35-page document that commits their governments to achieving U.N. goals to combat poverty and creates a commission to help move countries from war to peace.

Mississippi Begins Massive Katrina Cleanup

victim of creating writing 101

D'IBERVILLE, Miss. -- In a sandy construction site on the outskirts of town, more than a dozen trucks wait their chance to unload tree limbs and feed a huge bonfire that will burn from dawn until dusk every day for months.

Ill. Governor Denies Wrongdoing

where there's fingerpointing, there's wrongdoing

CHICAGO -- Gov. Rod Blagojevich insisted Friday that he is not connected to corruption at a teachers pension fund and that he does not tolerate misconduct by anyone who works for him.

Bush Turns Attention to 2nd Court Vacancy

reporter omniscience genre

WASHINGTON -- With Chief Justice-nominee John Roberts cruising toward confirmation, President Bush is turning his attention to a second vacancy on the nine-member Supreme Court.

N.J. Candidate Bucks Tradition With Beard

hillary in 2008

The last U.S. president with a beard was Benjamin Harrison, who left office in 1893.

New England Braces for Approaching Ophelia

princess di proved that no story can be overdone

BOSTON -- Residents of the southeast corner of New England moved boats to safe anchorages and warned people to stay out of the surf Saturday as Tropical Storm Ophelia headed past with a threat of coastal flooding.

Friday, September 16, 2005

World Leaders Demand Greater U.N. Role

meanwhile traffic fines pile up

UNITED NATIONS -- World leaders nearing the end of a three-day summit urged the United Nations to play a bigger role on the world stage _ in everything from the fight against terrorism to protecting immigrant rights to easing the crunch caused by high oil prices.

Nagin Declares Plan to Reopen New Orleans

welfare office reopens

"The city of New Orleans ... will start to breathe again," Nagin said. "We will have life. We will have commerce. We will have people getting into their normal modes of operations and the normal rhythm of the city."


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