news stories unmocked
MADISON, Wis. -- Root canals and amateur radio operators were honored with special days in Wisconsin this year. Emus got a whole week.
``I must give him his due. He has considerably cretinized me.'' Lautréamont
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- UN nominee derided by Democrats as 'damaged goods'
- Boy Who Vanished From Yankee Stadium Found
- Discovery crew may have to repair shuttle
- Study: Warming Making Hurricanes Stronger
- Lottery Promotion Irks Two Kansas Towns
- Boy Scout Leaders Recall Lightning Storm
- Ohio Woman Facing Theft Charges Kills Self
- Minnesota Woman Injured in Bear Attack
- Rescue Teams Search for Missing Ranger
- Experts: Scouts Unprepared for Jamboree
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- Teele's Legacy in Doubt After Suicide
- Astronomers Claim Discovery of 10th Planet
- Robin, Not Crow, May Be West Nile Culprit
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- Shuttle Discovery Blasts Into Orbit
- Blistering Heat Wave Causes More Misery
- Experts: Youngsters Trying Riskier Stunts
- A Few Pointers About Kickball
- Angry Americans Want to Take Souter's Land
- Disabled Kids Play T-Ball at White House
- Gert Takes Aim at Mexico's Gulf Coast
- NASA to Launch Even if Problem Recurs
- Man Survives Almost 5 Hours in Buzzards Bay
- 3 Dead in Twin-Engine Plane Crash in Okla.
- Triple-Digit Temperatures Scorch Midwest
- Bush aide waited to inform staff of CIA leak probe
- Genetics Leave Felines Without Sweet Tooth
- Boy Scouts Prepare for Jamboree in Va.
- Sen. Clinton Reinforces Ties to Moderates
- Black Leaders Plan Lynching Re-Enactments
- Bill Pushed to Stop Drivers From Smoking
- U.S. Makes Final Push for Trade Pact
- Police Crack Accused Child Molester's Code
- Court Vote Fraught With 2008 Politics
- Hawaiian Teen Recovering From Fish Attack
- U.N. Works on Defining Terrorism
- Humidity, Rain Help Arizona Firefighters
- LAPD Recruits Computer to Stop Rogue Cops
- Countdown resumes for space shuttle launch Tuesday
- Phoenix Works to ID Victims of Record Heat
- Man Knocked Unconscious While Eluding Rock
- Deaths of Woman, Baby Ruled Murder-Suicide
- Wildfire Threatens Tiny Town in Utah
- U.S. May Use Airline Data to Find Sleepers
- Programmers: Video Games Need Female Touch
- Ex-CIA Officers Rip Bush Over Rove Leak
- Samantha Runnion's Killer Sentenced
- Americans Cope With Record Temperatures
- Westmoreland to Be Buried at West Point
- Colo. Residents Turn Garden Hoses on Fires
- Scientists Say More Right Whales Are Dying
- Ind. Woman Charged With Killing Her Sons
- U.S. Transit Alert Likely to Remain Orange
- After 5 Hurricanes, Fla. Slow to Rebuild
- Teen Accused of Killing Her Grandfather
- Highway Negotiators Remain at Odds
- Police Begin Checking Bags on NYC Subways
- Expert Questions Existence of Woodpecker
- San Diego Councilman Quits After Felony
- Roberts Makes Gains Toward Senate Approval
- Santorum Meets Group Upset by Comments
- Redistricting Measure Off Calif. Ballot
- Analysts: Trade Deal Would Cost Taxpayers
- Ancient Woolly Mammoth Tusk Found
- Snake Visits Power Station, Causes Outage
- Atlanta Officials Weigh Panhandling Ban
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- Chicago Officials Charged With Corruption
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- Judge Narrows Pledge of Allegiance Lawsuit
- Groups back U.S. bill to make antifreeze bitter
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- Baby Survivor of Building's Fall Goes Home
- Leahy Braces for Fight Over Court Nominee
- Volunteers Clean Plane Crash Memorial
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- Slain Idaho Boy Remembered on His Birthday
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- Rape Spurs Anti-Hispanic Backlash in Ohio
- Funeral Held for Toddler Killed by Police
- Families Sue in 2 Helicopter Crash Deaths
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- Thousands Mark World's First Atomic Blast
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- Woman Accused of Causing Deadly Car Crash
- Official: Dennis Ruined Fla. Cotton Crop
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- Experts: Aging Shuttle Fleet Poses Danger
- Bush Drops Hints on Supreme Court Choice
- Democrats hit Bush on security of buses, trains
- Dennis Pounds Gulf Area Flattened by Ivan
- U.S. Says Iraq Militants Dealt Sharp Blow
- 4 Americans Reported Injured in London
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